Trying to convince spouse to move away
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Anonymous
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PP is correct. Start by figuring what you want not with what you do not want. That will narrow your choices in a more useful way.
Rural areas do not have (m)any child care options. Health care is less accessible also. Internet services vary widely from one locality to another. Airport access also is more limited in rural areas. Lots of issues with moving to any rural area. Educational options will be limited and often are very weak academically. Maybe instead consider moving to a smaller city, ideally one with a university medical center of some sort. One with an airport served by multiple airlines. One where some child care options exist and either good public schools, good private schools, or both. Not advocating, but Charlottesville (or even Albemarle County) is an example. UVA medical is very good. Also good Internet in that county. Child care options exist, but are not as plentiful as inside the beltway. CHO airport only has regional jet service, but does have multiple mainline airline options. Albemarle County schools are good because UVA faculty care about their kids' education. St Anne's Belfield is a good private school option. |
Anonymous
| We like it here - we moved from DC to Maryland when our kid was 1 year old and we don't regret it. We are lucky to have good jobs and short commutes, which is a luxury, I know. We found the MCPS public schools to be decent (not perfect) but our kids didn't need perfect. We don't have family but we live in a great neighborhood with nice friends and most people stayed and lot sent them to public school. Kids are older now and after 25 years, we are settled - friends, church, jobs etc. We travel and make use of 3 airports. We don't live in the city but we have access to DC and we like the balance. Kids left and I'm not sure they are coming back, but they both live relatively close in the east coast so we are pretty happy. It was a grind some of the time, but finding good friends helps. |
Anonymous
| It's really about finding someone a decent job and being able to move on it and the other spouse finding "whatever is around." This is what DH and I did. After about 3 years I landed something outside of Akron, Ohio which sounded bleak but we have found really nice wonderful communities here with good schools/decent diversity/intellectual communities/all around nice people. We live in-between Akron and Cleveland and my boys go to an all boys jesuit highschol and my daughter is doing well in her public option (although she has a lot of private options too). The downside is my DH took an 'ok" job and its not fulfilling. He misses his old job immensely but he doesn't miss DC. If he missed both it would be tough so I think both spouses have to be ok with moving. Nice thing is we have a VERY nice house for about 60 percent of what we spent in Arlington. I think sometimes in DC we are fed this notion that it's one of the ONLY areas that have large groups of smart and interesting people and opportunities and I just don't think thats the case. |
Anonymous
| Can’t you move to the suburbs and keep your current jobs? |
Anonymous
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OP- you need to determine what you want and narrow it down to areas that offer that.
- keep in mind do you want to be near a major airport? - near family? - suburb? Small town? City? - Will moving “fix” your current concerns? No one attacked you, yet you’re reacting in a defensive manner. |
Anonymous
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There are lots of different communities in the DMV with very different feels and cultures. Takoma park vs Wesley heights vs Tenley Town. I like Arlington as it feels more like normal life for me. Mostly people use the public schools and go to VA public universities. Lots of people adjacent to defense and military, well run county w community engagement, parks, libraries, good camps and sports that are affordable. We use private now (previously public) but that's unusual here and makes life logistically harder. But we've found really nice families in public and private. We also emphasized commutes as that is the biggest impact on day to day life so we have smaller lot but close in and metro accessible.
You could look at city like Charlotte as lots of financial services and southern vibe is more laid back (I grew up in Atlanta) but some of the sprawl can make those cities harder to navigate. I'd try to determine exactly what it is that makes you nervous about doing school here or having a six year old. There are many ways to solve for that too. |
Anonymous
| I think most of the bigger cities on the east coast - DC, Philly, NYC, Boston - will have similar vibes and similar issues. However, the NYC and Boston suburbs have amazing public schools. So you would take that topic off the table. I do envy my friends who live outside of NYC and never have to think about what to do for school. |
Anonymous
| We live in MoCo and find it very easy to raise our family here. Not sure why you’d leave the area entirely when you can just commute. Every major city will have the same issues regarding space and schools. You are suburb people now. |
Anonymous
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We moved and have never looked back. It's been wonderful.
We decided on: -What kind of environment we wanted like small town, busier suburbs, etc -What city/area we wanted to be close to - what other location specific stuff we wanted (ocean, lakes, hiking, skiing, etc) - the environment of the area. Are there blizzards? Hurricanes? Tornadoes? And similar things From there, we had a small list of areas we would consider and then we jumped online for more research. After that, we were able to narrow down more. And then from there we looked at housing costs, daycare costs, taxes, etc. And then last, when we had our decision down to about 5 areas, we looked at the job markets. |
Anonymous
LOL you never looked back except at this DMV centered website, you mean. |
Anonymous
Good grief. People don’t respond exactly as you want them too and so you flounce out of your own thread? Bad news, OP, wherever you go, there you are. |
Anonymous
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Good luck OP. I could never get my DH to leave. And unlike in your marriage he is the primary breadwinner (big law.) We do live in Loudoun, which I think helps with academic pressure but there is still tons of "keeping up with Joneses" in terms of homes and cars and renos and travel, etc. Also youth sports are very competitive out here.
3 more years and youngest will be done with HS. At that point we may start spending part of each winter in Florida. We will see. I like my immediate neighbors and I have a couple great coworkers so that helps. I wouldn't have wanted to participate in parenting as a competitive sport closer into the city. It is bad enough out here. |
Anonymous
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We lived in the DC area for about 16 years then moved to California for about 3-4 years. Lots of positives about CA...but it felt so, so far and was crazy expensive. My H's family is in the midwest and mine in the Northeast and traveling to see them was a lot. So we moved back to DC and have lived here for the past 16 years or so. I'm pretty happy.
What I learned: I thought if I made a big change, like moving, then I would be happy. And moving to CA was the dream! Then I thought if I moved back to DC, because CA was so far, then I'd be happy. But you know that saying, wherever you go, there you are? I had the same issues both in CA and DC because it was me not the place. I learned to focus on the positives now, which can be challenging sometimes, especially now as I have a teenager and aging parents who can't live in their house anymore. My H and I have a small circle but it's a positive and supportive one. Yeah there's annoying people around here and bad traffic and sometimes the political stuff can be too much. But I focus on my family and the things in DC we enjoy. We're also applying to private schools right now and found a couple that seem really great, challenging without craziness, lots of different kinds of kids. I'd never really heard of this school beforehand and now it's #1 on my list. Hope this helps. |
Anonymous
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You did not explain what you don’t like about DC, but given that this is your first child, I wanted to give you a word of caution. The childhood you (we) had does not exist anymore anywhere. My friends in California have their kid is travel ice hockey at 6…
Again, I don’t know what you don’t like about the DMV, but if it has to do with kids, you might not find what you want anywhere. |
Anonymous
| OP, since the focus of your post was not where you want to move to, I'm disregarding your concerns. Surely you could find a community w/in the DC area where you'll feel comfortable. If you try. |