Trying to convince spouse to move away

[Anonymous]

I’m looking for some advice. My husband and I currently live in NW DC. He works in financial services and I work in industry. We had a baby last year who will be an only due to our ages and preference. We have lived here for four years now. It fills me with complete dread to think about living here (the DMV) past year six or seven or around the time we need to start selecting a private school for our child. I do not want to raise our child here. Life feels difficult here and challenging. My husband is concerned that moving away from a major city will bring other challenges like a smaller economy, which is a reasonable concern. For those who have had to make this decision, what did you decide, how did you decide, and how is it going? Any advice is welcome.

[Anonymous]

Where do you want to move to? Can you and your spouse both find work? Would you have a support system?

[Anonymous]

You can't just run away, you need run towards something.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're overly emotional about it. Can you look at it more rationally and concretely before you try to engage your DH. Conversations are always more productive this way and I suspect you'll get more traction. "Filling you with dread," is an emotion based on a thought, and by itself is hard to parse or negotiate with.

[Anonymous]

Op here. We are undecided on location and the biggest question is finding similarly lucrative careers outside the NE corridor, which I’m not fond of. We aren’t worried about a support system. No family close to us here and that’s fine with us. We are happy to pay for childcare, which is good and plentiful in DC. Thanks for your help.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had an answer, OP. The DC job market is hard to beat, security wise, for many of us.

We compromised by moving out to the exurbs where schools felt less stressful and life felt a little less chaotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you're overly emotional about it. Can you look at it more rationally and concretely before you try to engage your DH. Conversations are always more productive this way and I suspect you'll get more traction. "Filling you with dread," is an emotion based on a thought, and by itself is hard to parse or negotiate with.

Op here. I’m perfectly rational about it. I acknowledge that careers are important. I’m not looking for mindset advice. I only want feedback from people who have either left or stayed and to hear how it went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had an answer, OP. The DC job market is hard to beat, security wise, for many of us.

We compromised by moving out to the exurbs where schools felt less stressful and life felt a little less chaotic.

Op here. Thanks for this. I hear that this is the decision of many people who stay and it makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We are undecided on location and the biggest question is finding similarly lucrative careers outside the NE corridor, which I’m not fond of. We aren’t worried about a support system. No family close to us here and that’s fine with us. We are happy to pay for childcare, which is good and plentiful in DC. Thanks for your help.

It sounds like you need to start applying for jobs and seeing if you even have solid opportunities elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you're overly emotional about it. Can you look at it more rationally and concretely before you try to engage your DH. Conversations are always more productive this way and I suspect you'll get more traction. "Filling you with dread," is an emotion based on a thought, and by itself is hard to parse or negotiate with.

Op here. I’m perfectly rational about it. I acknowledge that careers are important. I’m not looking for mindset advice. I only want feedback from people who have either left or stayed and to hear how it went.

Okay, well then...we stayed and it was great. We bought a piece of land to retire on that isn't too far away and meets our needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you're overly emotional about it. Can you look at it more rationally and concretely before you try to engage your DH. Conversations are always more productive this way and I suspect you'll get more traction. "Filling you with dread," is an emotion based on a thought, and by itself is hard to parse or negotiate with.

Op here. I’m perfectly rational about it. I acknowledge that careers are important. I’m not looking for mindset advice. I only want feedback from people who have either left or stayed and to hear how it went.

Well aren’t you a cranky one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't just run away, you need run towards something.

Op here. No one is running. If you don’t have advice based on experience, which is what I requested, then I don’t need to hear from you. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I like how people are illustrating in real time why I don’t want to live here. I can understand that this question might be triggering for many. I was hoping to hear from people who could provide insights based on their own decisions and how they played out or what they learned. Whatever. No more comments are needed. I am no longer looking at this thread.

[Anonymous]

This is a Wendy’s, OP.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could consider finding a neighborhood that you love, which could insulate you from some of the annoying DMV-related issues? We are in a little oasis. Everyday I thank the day we found this place and neighborhood. I don't especially like the DMV, but I love our neighborhood, and that helps us stay here, even when friends move away.