Trying to convince spouse to move away

[Anonymous]

OP hasn't given one reason why raising a kid here is bad

[Anonymous]

I'm a physician and my husband is in fintech. We moved overseas when our DD was five and I've never missed D.C. for a second. I'm a SAHM now and I love it. My husband's firm pays for our housing, our child's $60K/year international school, and much more. We're currently living in Singapore, which is amazing. We'll probably have to return to the US in the next few years which is fine. I do want my DD to be settled before high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck OP. I could never get my DH to leave. And unlike in your marriage he is the primary breadwinner (big law.) We do live in Loudoun, which I think helps with academic pressure but there is still tons of "keeping up with Joneses" in terms of homes and cars and renos and travel, etc. Also youth sports are very competitive out here.

3 more years and youngest will be done with HS. At that point we may start spending part of each winter in Florida. We will see. I like my immediate neighbors and I have a couple great coworkers so that helps. I wouldn't have wanted to participate in parenting as a competitive sport closer into the city. It is bad enough out here.

Why do you feel you have to compete with anyone? We are probably the poorest of our friends and neighbors, and it doesn't really phase us except when we dream about one of us not working and deep cleaning the house. I guess a vacation house could be nice if you didn't work either; but if you both work who wants to go to the same place all the time?

I'm from a small southern town, and spouse is from NorCal -- neither of those options would be better choices than the DMV, trust me. Maybe if you were a multi-millionaire NorCal is feasible.

We have friends who moved White Plains, and it seems delightful. Good schools, lots of town events, good retail. College options are meh; VA and PA are better in state options.

You need to focus on jobs; moving someplace and that being the priority over financial stability is very short sighted and something you do in your 20s.

Your general attitude is somewhat juvenile, and your whole "I'm not coming back to this thread" schtick probably indicates we'll all be better off if you succeed in moving away.

Faze. It doesn’t “faze” you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't just run away, you need run towards something.

Op here. No one is running. If you don’t have advice based on experience, which is what I requested, then I don’t need to hear from you. Thanks.

Stfu boo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We left DC when I was pregnant. WORST EFF'ING DECISION OF MY LIFE. DH billed it as their great opportunity for us: cheaper, more professional opportunity for him, closer to faaaaaaaaamily.

I miss DC every day. While the city we moved to is marginally less expensive, at our income bracket it's not particularly noticable. The city is bland, the schools suck (so we're still paying for private), we're utterly car-dependant, and it turns out DH's mother and sister are exactly the people I thought they were, but DH tried to convince himself they are not: selfish, self-absorbed, lacking in general awareness of others,

To top it all off, DH's career stagnated after a few years, he suffered a terrible health crisis that might have been mitigated (if not outright avoided) if we lived in DC that has permanently affected us, and he lost his job in January.

We never should have left DC.

What bums

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP got all huffy puffy a few pages ago and said she’s done with this thread. You all are wasting your breath.

+1. I love how no one reads threads— they just start posting.

People who say they aren’t reading any more are still reading, they just aren’t posting because they are losing their argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the bigger cities on the east coast - DC, Philly, NYC, Boston - will have similar vibes and similar issues. However, the NYC and Boston suburbs have amazing public schools. So you would take that topic off the table. I do envy my friends who live outside of NYC and never have to think about what to do for school.

Philly vibes aren't even close to DC vibes. Philly area is much more laid back and has much more of a counterculture contingent still thanks to it being a WAY more affordable city. Amazing food scene. I miss it every day and would love to move back.

There are actually some really good public schools in Philly, but the main concern, in my mind, are the buildings. So much has come out over the years about unremediated, disturbed asbestos and lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a physician and my husband is in fintech. We moved overseas when our DD was five and I've never missed D.C. for a second. I'm a SAHM now and I love it. My husband's firm pays for our housing, our child's $60K/year international school, and much more. We're currently living in Singapore, which is amazing. We'll probably have to return to the US in the next few years which is fine. I do want my DD to be settled before high school.

Yea, well, you’re all the way in Singapore yet can’t tear yourself away from this website so obviously there’s something you miss about DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll try again, this time in all caps:

OP SAID AGES AGO THAT SHES DONE WITH THIS THREAD

Then why don't you stop posting your annoying comments ? OP is not the only reader of this thread. Many readers enjoy the discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll try again, this time in all caps:

OP SAID AGES AGO THAT SHES DONE WITH THIS THREAD

Sure she said that, but you know she's peeking on this active thread but too proud to post any reply.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I like how people are illustrating in real time why I don’t want to live here. I can understand that this question might be triggering for many. I was hoping to hear from people who could provide insights based on their own decisions and how they played out or what they learned. Whatever. No more comments are needed. I am no longer looking at this thread.

You sound awful. You’re the type to find problems wherever you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We are undecided on location and the biggest question is finding similarly lucrative careers outside the NE corridor, which I’m not fond of. We aren’t worried about a support system. No family close to us here and that’s fine with us. We are happy to pay for childcare, which is good and plentiful in DC. Thanks for your help.

Usually, people accept a pay cut in return for better standard of living and a lower cost of living. Expecting the same pay in an area with lower cost of living is equivalent to expecting a pay raise for leaving. It’s completely possible, but will severely limit your choices. We left manhattan for a mountain town, and many of our friends have also left the city. However, we didn’t leave until we had enough to retire. Switching kids from ny private school to private school out here is saving us $80k a year post tax alone. The first five years of owning two cars here vs parking one car in the city is more expensive, but not by much. The burn rate in the city is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP hasn't given one reason why raising a kid here is bad

+1 nothing in the OP made sense

[Anonymous]

Kids are in college and last year of high school. There are so many benefits to being in this area with older kids.

- summer jobs and internships
- public transportation
- smart friends and good schools
- food and stores
- museums and entertainment of all kinds

College kid is happy to be here on breaks and her college friends come visit her here.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just came to tell you that I sympathize so much with you. I think many probably empathize with you.

I think about relocating not so much for job prospects elsewhere but because living here amidst the violence & chaos the WH spews every say makes it feel more proximate.

Sometimes I think about moving to smaller, family friendly cities - Nashville, Charlotte, etc.