Does your DH watch pornography?

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I have an issue with it. I feel like it gives DH a skewed perception of how sexually adventurous most married women with kids are"

Your husband doesn't have a porn problem, he has a warped sense of human sexuality between regular people. Watching porn has nothing to do with actually being interested in going to a sex hotel takeover or going to a sex resort. An "In Real Life" action like visiting one of these places takes the "viewer" out of the fantasy/not at all real world into something completely different from "at a distance" porn.

Most men who would freak out at the thought of anyone else seeing their wife naked or having sex with her in front of them.

But don’t you think that watching porn can give you a warped sense of human sexuality between regular people? I get that this is DH’s particular thing. But if your wife won’t do something that you want her to do and then you go online and watch dozens of videos of women doing the thing your wife won’t do with *their* husbands, doesn’t that change how you feel about your wife? How could it not?

It certainly can be illuminating when you discover that “things your spouse is willing to do” and “things that appear in porn” have almost no overlap.

Don’t you think that if this is the case, then maybe porn isn’t good for your marriage?

I feel like this is the equivalent of these instagram reels where a handsome man looks in your eyes and says that your husband should express his feelings during an argument. You watch these for 10 minutes a day, and pretty soon you are convinced that your spouse sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I have an issue with it. I feel like it gives DH a skewed perception of how sexually adventurous most married women with kids are"

Your husband doesn't have a porn problem, he has a warped sense of human sexuality between regular people. Watching porn has nothing to do with actually being interested in going to a sex hotel takeover or going to a sex resort. An "In Real Life" action like visiting one of these places takes the "viewer" out of the fantasy/not at all real world into something completely different from "at a distance" porn.

Most men who would freak out at the thought of anyone else seeing their wife naked or having sex with her in front of them.

But don’t you think that watching porn can give you a warped sense of human sexuality between regular people? I get that this is DH’s particular thing. But if your wife won’t do something that you want her to do and then you go online and watch dozens of videos of women doing the thing your wife won’t do with *their* husbands, doesn’t that change how you feel about your wife? How could it not?

DP. I agree with you. It just has to affect their sense of what a normal or at least reasonable expectation of sex might be. Their sense of loss or deprivation is going to be inevitably greater if they know that some people are having fun doing whatever it is versus a world where they could kind of tell themselves that no one else was doing it either.

I guess the thing is that the “some people” who are having fun doing this are acting and making money by filming it and posting it online.

It’s just not true that the average upper middle class PTA mom is doing xyz, and it’s just your wife who won’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a husband who watches porn daily. I would stop in an instant if I had a wife who had the faintest desire for sex, but I don't. The porn is just a means to get off, I don't seek it out for any other reason or have withdrawal symptoms. I think a simple test for whether it is a problem is if you go on a vacation and can't get by without sneaking away to watch. That is a bad sign.

You could channel that energy into being the kind of man she wants to f***.

It's incredibly naive to think that good husbands are having lots of sex and bad husbands are the ones not having much. That's not how women or the world works.

+1.
It’s still probably better to channel your energy into becoming a better husband/father/brother/son than into watching a bunch of online porn.

[Anonymous]

Ever notice how it's only women who seem to get mad about porn?
Rarely ever do you hear about a man being jealous or bitter about it, when women use porn just as much as men, especially written porn.
Just an observation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ever notice how it's only women who seem to get mad about porn?
Rarely ever do you hear about a man being jealous or bitter about it, when women use porn just as much as men, especially written porn.
Just an observation.

Woman who is mad about porn here. I’m fine with DH reading written porn. If that’s what you are using, and it’s couched as fantasy and not “real women,” then it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I have an issue with it. I feel like it gives DH a skewed perception of how sexually adventurous most married women with kids are"

Your husband doesn't have a porn problem, he has a warped sense of human sexuality between regular people. Watching porn has nothing to do with actually being interested in going to a sex hotel takeover or going to a sex resort. An "In Real Life" action like visiting one of these places takes the "viewer" out of the fantasy/not at all real world into something completely different from "at a distance" porn.

Most men who would freak out at the thought of anyone else seeing their wife naked or having sex with her in front of them.

But don’t you think that watching porn can give you a warped sense of human sexuality between regular people? I get that this is DH’s particular thing. But if your wife won’t do something that you want her to do and then you go online and watch dozens of videos of women doing the thing your wife won’t do with *their* husbands, doesn’t that change how you feel about your wife? How could it not?

DP. I agree with you. It just has to affect their sense of what a normal or at least reasonable expectation of sex might be. Their sense of loss or deprivation is going to be inevitably greater if they know that some people are having fun doing whatever it is versus a world where they could kind of tell themselves that no one else was doing it either.

I guess the thing is that the “some people” who are having fun doing this are acting and making money by filming it and posting it online.

It’s just not true that the average upper middle class PTA mom is doing xyz, and it’s just your wife who won’t.

Sometimes (probably often times) it's just a big act for money. But there legitimately are couples out there who really like sex and get a kick out of posting it. And I agree, it's very much a minority of people - but not necessarily as small a minority as we might have guessed before social media and ubiquitous porn. Having that awareness, the husband is probably more apt to feel regret that he wasn't one of the lucky ones who ended up with a spouse who was really into sex. It's probably not unreasonable to think maybe he had a 1 in 10 shot of finding such a woman rather than (as before social media) thinking it would be more like odds of winning the lottery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a husband who watches porn daily. I would stop in an instant if I had a wife who had the faintest desire for sex, but I don't. The porn is just a means to get off, I don't seek it out for any other reason or have withdrawal symptoms. I think a simple test for whether it is a problem is if you go on a vacation and can't get by without sneaking away to watch. That is a bad sign.

You could channel that energy into being the kind of man she wants to f***.

It's incredibly naive to think that good husbands are having lots of sex and bad husbands are the ones not having much. That's not how women or the world works.

+1.
It’s still probably better to channel your energy into becoming a better husband/father/brother/son than into watching a bunch of online porn.

No argument there. Except to maybe tweak that to be a recommendation to become a better person overall (rather than defining yourself by those relationships to others.)

[Anonymous]

No it ruins intimacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I have an issue with it. I feel like it gives DH a skewed perception of how sexually adventurous most married women with kids are"

Your husband doesn't have a porn problem, he has a warped sense of human sexuality between regular people. Watching porn has nothing to do with actually being interested in going to a sex hotel takeover or going to a sex resort. An "In Real Life" action like visiting one of these places takes the "viewer" out of the fantasy/not at all real world into something completely different from "at a distance" porn.

Most men who would freak out at the thought of anyone else seeing their wife naked or having sex with her in front of them.

But don’t you think that watching porn can give you a warped sense of human sexuality between regular people? I get that this is DH’s particular thing. But if your wife won’t do something that you want her to do and then you go online and watch dozens of videos of women doing the thing your wife won’t do with *their* husbands, doesn’t that change how you feel about your wife? How could it not?

DP. I agree with you. It just has to affect their sense of what a normal or at least reasonable expectation of sex might be. Their sense of loss or deprivation is going to be inevitably greater if they know that some people are having fun doing whatever it is versus a world where they could kind of tell themselves that no one else was doing it either.

I guess the thing is that the “some people” who are having fun doing this are acting and making money by filming it and posting it online.

It’s just not true that the average upper middle class PTA mom is doing xyz, and it’s just your wife who won’t.

Sometimes (probably often times) it's just a big act for money. But there legitimately are couples out there who really like sex and get a kick out of posting it. And I agree, it's very much a minority of people - but not necessarily as small a minority as we might have guessed before social media and ubiquitous porn. Having that awareness, the husband is probably more apt to feel regret that he wasn't one of the lucky ones who ended up with a spouse who was really into sex. It's probably not unreasonable to think maybe he had a 1 in 10 shot of finding such a woman rather than (as before social media) thinking it would be more like odds of winning the lottery.

You are what I’m talking about. Maybe you are right and it’s not all fake. Maybe there are professional middle aged married mothers out there who get a kick out of filming themselves having sex and posting it online, but I will tell you that it is indeed an extremely small percentage of people.

10% of the men at your kids soccer game are not going home to wives who loooove giving head or want to invite their girlfriends to join in.

Just like 10% of wives are not going home to men who are eager to discuss the childhood origins of their anger issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a husband who watches porn daily. I would stop in an instant if I had a wife who had the faintest desire for sex, but I don't. The porn is just a means to get off, I don't seek it out for any other reason or have withdrawal symptoms. I think a simple test for whether it is a problem is if you go on a vacation and can't get by without sneaking away to watch. That is a bad sign.

Agree 100%.

[Anonymous]

"
10% of the men at your kids soccer game are not going home to wives who loooove giving head or want to invite their girlfriends to join in."

WTH?! How are these two things even in the same sentence? It's perfectly within the norm for spouses to loooove giving head. But it's way outside of reality for anyone to invite their friends into the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I have an issue with it. I feel like it gives DH a skewed perception of how sexually adventurous most married women with kids are"

Your husband doesn't have a porn problem, he has a warped sense of human sexuality between regular people. Watching porn has nothing to do with actually being interested in going to a sex hotel takeover or going to a sex resort. An "In Real Life" action like visiting one of these places takes the "viewer" out of the fantasy/not at all real world into something completely different from "at a distance" porn.

Most men who would freak out at the thought of anyone else seeing their wife naked or having sex with her in front of them.

But don’t you think that watching porn can give you a warped sense of human sexuality between regular people? I get that this is DH’s particular thing. But if your wife won’t do something that you want her to do and then you go online and watch dozens of videos of women doing the thing your wife won’t do with *their* husbands, doesn’t that change how you feel about your wife? How could it not?

DP. I agree with you. It just has to affect their sense of what a normal or at least reasonable expectation of sex might be. Their sense of loss or deprivation is going to be inevitably greater if they know that some people are having fun doing whatever it is versus a world where they could kind of tell themselves that no one else was doing it either.

I guess the thing is that the “some people” who are having fun doing this are acting and making money by filming it and posting it online.

It’s just not true that the average upper middle class PTA mom is doing xyz, and it’s just your wife who won’t.

Sometimes (probably often times) it's just a big act for money. But there legitimately are couples out there who really like sex and get a kick out of posting it. And I agree, it's very much a minority of people - but not necessarily as small a minority as we might have guessed before social media and ubiquitous porn. Having that awareness, the husband is probably more apt to feel regret that he wasn't one of the lucky ones who ended up with a spouse who was really into sex. It's probably not unreasonable to think maybe he had a 1 in 10 shot of finding such a woman rather than (as before social media) thinking it would be more like odds of winning the lottery.

You are what I’m talking about. Maybe you are right and it’s not all fake. Maybe there are professional middle aged married mothers out there who get a kick out of filming themselves having sex and posting it online, but I will tell you that it is indeed an extremely small percentage of people.

10% of the men at your kids soccer game are not going home to wives who loooove giving head or want to invite their girlfriends to join in.

Just like 10% of wives are not going home to men who are eager to discuss the childhood origins of their anger issues.

I'm not the guy I'm speculating about. Unfortunately, I think the "lucky" ones are the guys who married wives who actually want to have regular, no frills sex once a month or more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I have an issue with it. I feel like it gives DH a skewed perception of how sexually adventurous most married women with kids are"

Your husband doesn't have a porn problem, he has a warped sense of human sexuality between regular people. Watching porn has nothing to do with actually being interested in going to a sex hotel takeover or going to a sex resort. An "In Real Life" action like visiting one of these places takes the "viewer" out of the fantasy/not at all real world into something completely different from "at a distance" porn.

Most men who would freak out at the thought of anyone else seeing their wife naked or having sex with her in front of them.

But don’t you think that watching porn can give you a warped sense of human sexuality between regular people? I get that this is DH’s particular thing. But if your wife won’t do something that you want her to do and then you go online and watch dozens of videos of women doing the thing your wife won’t do with *their* husbands, doesn’t that change how you feel about your wife? How could it not?

DP. I agree with you. It just has to affect their sense of what a normal or at least reasonable expectation of sex might be. Their sense of loss or deprivation is going to be inevitably greater if they know that some people are having fun doing whatever it is versus a world where they could kind of tell themselves that no one else was doing it either.

I guess the thing is that the “some people” who are having fun doing this are acting and making money by filming it and posting it online.

It’s just not true that the average upper middle class PTA mom is doing xyz, and it’s just your wife who won’t.

I am the upper middle class PTA mom and people would be shocked by what’ happens in our sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"
10% of the men at your kids soccer game are not going home to wives who loooove giving head or want to invite their girlfriends to join in."

WTH?! How are these two things even in the same sentence? It's perfectly within the norm for spouses to loooove giving head. But it's way outside of reality for anyone to invite their friends into the bedroom.

What you think is normal and way outside of reality is skewed.

I posted earlier that my husband seems to think it’s normal for couples to occasionally participate in group sex, and that most women are reluctant at first, but ultimately enjoy it.
It’s entirely possible that your perception that there are a lot of married moms out there who looove giving head is just as skewed.