Sex on important dates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Turning on a bathroom tap is...free. Add in dumping in some bath salts and it adds up to about 30 seconds of effort. I had no idea asking your husband to take 30 seconds out of his day so you can feel comfortable and relaxed was such an insurmountable task for so many men on this board.

It’s not that it’s hard to turn on a tap, it’s that you require your husband to jump through all these hoops in order to maybe have sex with him. Other people just go ahead and f—k, because they’re into it and attracted to one another. That’s probably the part you’re getting confused by.

We expect so little of men and so much of women.

In your case, I’m sure this is how you view it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas. Does this happen in your relationship or you don’t worry about it?

I thought New Year’s, anniversary, birthday, and Father's Day were the 4 entries on the duty sex checklist. Maybe Valentine’s, but that’s usually close enough to anniversary or birthday for a “2 birds, 1 stone” session.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Turning on a bathroom tap is...free. Add in dumping in some bath salts and it adds up to about 30 seconds of effort. I had no idea asking your husband to take 30 seconds out of his day so you can feel comfortable and relaxed was such an insurmountable task for so many men on this board.

It’s not that it’s hard to turn on a tap, it’s that you require your husband to jump through all these hoops in order to maybe have sex with him. Other people just go ahead and f—k, because they’re into it and attracted to one another. That’s probably the part you’re getting confused by.

We expect so little of men and so much of women.

DP. Yes expecting women to be in to sex and attraction to their spouse is way too much! This is why there is so much dead bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a good sex life but I can’t imagine wanting sex on Christmas. Christmas is effing exhausting.

You’re doing Christmas wrong, then. Maybe sex wrong, as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Turning on a bathroom tap is...free. Add in dumping in some bath salts and it adds up to about 30 seconds of effort. I had no idea asking your husband to take 30 seconds out of his day so you can feel comfortable and relaxed was such an insurmountable task for so many men on this board.

It’s not that it’s hard to turn on a tap, it’s that you require your husband to jump through all these hoops in order to maybe have sex with him. Other people just go ahead and f—k, because they’re into it and attracted to one another. That’s probably the part you’re getting confused by.

We expect so little of men and so much of women.

DP. Yes expecting women to be in to sex and attraction to their spouse is way too much! This is why there is so much dead bed.

God forbid we expect men to attract or be attractive. Women should just be into! No warm up required!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has long figured out the key to sex is to not make it an expectation. His “game” is to run me a hot bath. He will usually put in epson salts and top it off with bubbles. He makes sure my AirPods are charged. He then brings me a bottle of water and a glass of wine. He turns out the lights in the bathroom and walks away.

When I’m done he has changed the sheets on the bed. I climb into crisp cool sheets. He puts on one of my favorite shows and invites me to snuggle up to him. Sometimes I just crash but usually cuddling leads to kissing which leads to his end game.

You sound exhausting. No man should have to put in that work just to have sex. I'd go get it elsewhere for a hell of a lot less effort.

I’m not that poster, but how are you “getting it elsewhere” for less effort than this? It’s literally changing your own sheets, running a bath, and getting a glass of wine from the refrigerator in your own home.

What’s your normal move if bathing, changing your sheets, and getting your partner a drink is too much effort?

I think what people don't get is the idea that you need to be cajoled into having sex with your husband.
It makes it seem like you view sex as a reward for your husband and something you tolerate if he's been a * good boy" vs something you enjoy it's a good time for both of you.

And I guess I can't relate to that mentality. But I also can't relate to relegating sex to obligatory days I will tolerate it. So this thread probably is for me or others who actually like sex with their spouse.

It made me think that she is more interested in sex when she is relaxed, and her husband knows how to get her to that state.
Every woman knows how to get a man thinking about sex. Or are you going to tell me that if I put on lingerie or whisper dirty things, then I am cajoling my husband into having sex with me because I’m a “good girl?” Or that he doesn’t actually like having sex with me?
It’s nice to know that there is at least one man out there who knows how to get his wife interested in sex.

I think the difference is that when you're putting on lingerie and whispering dirty things; you're doing sexy things to make him sexually interested.

Charging airpods and all the other stuff she mentioned is like two steps removed from sex; making it seem transactional. If you're giving good sex to get good sex, that's awesome. If you're giving someone a better rate on their loan to get sex, that's gross. In between those extremes, there's a spectrum.

DP. You sound limited and boring. Lingerie is sexy but a bath and clean sheets are only transactional?

Nothing that poster posted would do it for me (a woman), but it’s great that she and her husband know what gets her relaxed and in the mood.

You missed the part where I said it was a spectrum. Charging airpods, delivering wine, and tending to the linens is further along the line toward transactional than is talking dirty.

Back in the early days of dating, music, pouring wine, and having clean sheets was part of wooing someone.

My college experience was *way* different than yours, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas. Does this happen in your relationship or you don’t worry about it?

That is silly to put additional pressure on events like that.

Sex should be spontanious not planned.

Female here. I’d be PISSED to not get sex on such important dates. I’m dressed up, looking nice, feeling festive, and … nothing?? The spontaneity can be which positions. lol.

I actually have a close friend who marks sex on her calendar. It lets her get herself feeling sexy and hot. She likes it planned. Wouldn’t work for me, but it does for her marriage.

How old are you? Now that we have kids, that's not at the top of my list on CHRISTMAS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have always found this super weird and makes me think that a couple must not be having regular sex if it’s important to have it on holidays etc…

+1

I think the same people who insist on a big to do for their anniversary or Valentine's Day. My husband and I celebrate our marriage and treat each other well every day, not because it's a holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a good sex life but I can’t imagine wanting sex on Christmas. Christmas is effing exhausting.

And you're often either at someone else's house or have people in your house with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has long figured out the key to sex is to not make it an expectation. His “game” is to run me a hot bath. He will usually put in epson salts and top it off with bubbles. He makes sure my AirPods are charged. He then brings me a bottle of water and a glass of wine. He turns out the lights in the bathroom and walks away.

When I’m done he has changed the sheets on the bed. I climb into crisp cool sheets. He puts on one of my favorite shows and invites me to snuggle up to him. Sometimes I just crash but usually cuddling leads to kissing which leads to his end game.

You sound exhausting. No man should have to put in that work just to have sex. I'd go get it elsewhere for a hell of a lot less effort.

I’m not that poster, but how are you “getting it elsewhere” for less effort than this? It’s literally changing your own sheets, running a bath, and getting a glass of wine from the refrigerator in your own home.

What’s your normal move if bathing, changing your sheets, and getting your partner a drink is too much effort?

I think what people don't get is the idea that you need to be cajoled into having sex with your husband.
It makes it seem like you view sex as a reward for your husband and something you tolerate if he's been a * good boy" vs something you enjoy it's a good time for both of you.

And I guess I can't relate to that mentality. But I also can't relate to relegating sex to obligatory days I will tolerate it. So this thread probably is for me or others who actually like sex with their spouse.

It made me think that she is more interested in sex when she is relaxed, and her husband knows how to get her to that state.
Every woman knows how to get a man thinking about sex. Or are you going to tell me that if I put on lingerie or whisper dirty things, then I am cajoling my husband into having sex with me because I’m a “good girl?” Or that he doesn’t actually like having sex with me?
It’s nice to know that there is at least one man out there who knows how to get his wife interested in sex.

I think the difference is that when you're putting on lingerie and whispering dirty things; you're doing sexy things to make him sexually interested.

Charging airpods and all the other stuff she mentioned is like two steps removed from sex; making it seem transactional. If you're giving good sex to get good sex, that's awesome. If you're giving someone a better rate on their loan to get sex, that's gross. In between those extremes, there's a spectrum.

It sounds like you are saying that the things women do to put men in the mood for sex are sexy, but the things that men do to put women in the mood for sex are transactional.

I mean, in what world is taking a bath kind of like taking out a bank loan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has long figured out the key to sex is to not make it an expectation. His “game” is to run me a hot bath. He will usually put in epson salts and top it off with bubbles. He makes sure my AirPods are charged. He then brings me a bottle of water and a glass of wine. He turns out the lights in the bathroom and walks away.

When I’m done he has changed the sheets on the bed. I climb into crisp cool sheets. He puts on one of my favorite shows and invites me to snuggle up to him. Sometimes I just crash but usually cuddling leads to kissing which leads to his end game.

You sound exhausting. No man should have to put in that work just to have sex. I'd go get it elsewhere for a hell of a lot less effort.

I’m not that poster, but how are you “getting it elsewhere” for less effort than this? It’s literally changing your own sheets, running a bath, and getting a glass of wine from the refrigerator in your own home.

What’s your normal move if bathing, changing your sheets, and getting your partner a drink is too much effort?

I think what people don't get is the idea that you need to be cajoled into having sex with your husband.
It makes it seem like you view sex as a reward for your husband and something you tolerate if he's been a * good boy" vs something you enjoy it's a good time for both of you.

And I guess I can't relate to that mentality. But I also can't relate to relegating sex to obligatory days I will tolerate it. So this thread probably is for me or others who actually like sex with their spouse.

It made me think that she is more interested in sex when she is relaxed, and her husband knows how to get her to that state.
Every woman knows how to get a man thinking about sex. Or are you going to tell me that if I put on lingerie or whisper dirty things, then I am cajoling my husband into having sex with me because I’m a “good girl?” Or that he doesn’t actually like having sex with me?
It’s nice to know that there is at least one man out there who knows how to get his wife interested in sex.

I think the difference is that when you're putting on lingerie and whispering dirty things; you're doing sexy things to make him sexually interested.

Charging airpods and all the other stuff she mentioned is like two steps removed from sex; making it seem transactional. If you're giving good sex to get good sex, that's awesome. If you're giving someone a better rate on their loan to get sex, that's gross. In between those extremes, there's a spectrum.

It sounds like you are saying that the things women do to put men in the mood for sex are sexy, but the things that men do to put women in the mood for sex are transactional.

I mean, in what world is taking a bath kind of like taking out a bank loan?

The man isn't the one taking the bath. If the wife wants the husband to take a bath before sex, I can totally understand that.

But having him tend to the electronics, the linens, the refreshments, and the bathroom conditions before she can be bothered with sex starts to look a little transactional.

[Anonymous]

Sure, I have sex with my husband on his birthday and anniversaries.

I’m definitely not doing it on my birthday or holidays like Christmas. The kids wake us up super early and I’m usually up late getting everything ready so we can have a fun morning. Who even wants sex on Christmas???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has long figured out the key to sex is to not make it an expectation. His “game” is to run me a hot bath. He will usually put in epson salts and top it off with bubbles. He makes sure my AirPods are charged. He then brings me a bottle of water and a glass of wine. He turns out the lights in the bathroom and walks away.

When I’m done he has changed the sheets on the bed. I climb into crisp cool sheets. He puts on one of my favorite shows and invites me to snuggle up to him. Sometimes I just crash but usually cuddling leads to kissing which leads to his end game.

You sound exhausting. No man should have to put in that work just to have sex. I'd go get it elsewhere for a hell of a lot less effort.

I’m not that poster, but how are you “getting it elsewhere” for less effort than this? It’s literally changing your own sheets, running a bath, and getting a glass of wine from the refrigerator in your own home.

What’s your normal move if bathing, changing your sheets, and getting your partner a drink is too much effort?

I think what people don't get is the idea that you need to be cajoled into having sex with your husband.
It makes it seem like you view sex as a reward for your husband and something you tolerate if he's been a * good boy" vs something you enjoy it's a good time for both of you.

And I guess I can't relate to that mentality. But I also can't relate to relegating sex to obligatory days I will tolerate it. So this thread probably is for me or others who actually like sex with their spouse.

It made me think that she is more interested in sex when she is relaxed, and her husband knows how to get her to that state.
Every woman knows how to get a man thinking about sex. Or are you going to tell me that if I put on lingerie or whisper dirty things, then I am cajoling my husband into having sex with me because I’m a “good girl?” Or that he doesn’t actually like having sex with me?
It’s nice to know that there is at least one man out there who knows how to get his wife interested in sex.

That's what I don't understand why aren't you interested in sex with each other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has long figured out the key to sex is to not make it an expectation. His “game” is to run me a hot bath. He will usually put in epson salts and top it off with bubbles. He makes sure my AirPods are charged. He then brings me a bottle of water and a glass of wine. He turns out the lights in the bathroom and walks away.

When I’m done he has changed the sheets on the bed. I climb into crisp cool sheets. He puts on one of my favorite shows and invites me to snuggle up to him. Sometimes I just crash but usually cuddling leads to kissing which leads to his end game.

You sound exhausting. No man should have to put in that work just to have sex. I'd go get it elsewhere for a hell of a lot less effort.

I’m not that poster, but how are you “getting it elsewhere” for less effort than this? It’s literally changing your own sheets, running a bath, and getting a glass of wine from the refrigerator in your own home.

What’s your normal move if bathing, changing your sheets, and getting your partner a drink is too much effort?

I think what people don't get is the idea that you need to be cajoled into having sex with your husband.
It makes it seem like you view sex as a reward for your husband and something you tolerate if he's been a * good boy" vs something you enjoy it's a good time for both of you.

And I guess I can't relate to that mentality. But I also can't relate to relegating sex to obligatory days I will tolerate it. So this thread probably is for me or others who actually like sex with their spouse.

It made me think that she is more interested in sex when she is relaxed, and her husband knows how to get her to that state.
Every woman knows how to get a man thinking about sex. Or are you going to tell me that if I put on lingerie or whisper dirty things, then I am cajoling my husband into having sex with me because I’m a “good girl?” Or that he doesn’t actually like having sex with me?
It’s nice to know that there is at least one man out there who knows how to get his wife interested in sex.

I think the difference is that when you're putting on lingerie and whispering dirty things; you're doing sexy things to make him sexually interested.

Charging airpods and all the other stuff she mentioned is like two steps removed from sex; making it seem transactional. If you're giving good sex to get good sex, that's awesome. If you're giving someone a better rate on their loan to get sex, that's gross. In between those extremes, there's a spectrum.

It sounds like you are saying that the things women do to put men in the mood for sex are sexy, but the things that men do to put women in the mood for sex are transactional.

I mean, in what world is taking a bath kind of like taking out a bank loan?

The man isn't the one taking the bath. If the wife wants the husband to take a bath before sex, I can totally understand that.

But having him tend to the electronics, the linens, the refreshments, and the bathroom conditions before she can be bothered with sex starts to look a little transactional.

If this is the situation, you are not an object of lust; you are "the help."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has long figured out the key to sex is to not make it an expectation. His “game” is to run me a hot bath. He will usually put in epson salts and top it off with bubbles. He makes sure my AirPods are charged. He then brings me a bottle of water and a glass of wine. He turns out the lights in the bathroom and walks away.

When I’m done he has changed the sheets on the bed. I climb into crisp cool sheets. He puts on one of my favorite shows and invites me to snuggle up to him. Sometimes I just crash but usually cuddling leads to kissing which leads to his end game.

You sound exhausting. No man should have to put in that work just to have sex. I'd go get it elsewhere for a hell of a lot less effort.

I’m not that poster, but how are you “getting it elsewhere” for less effort than this? It’s literally changing your own sheets, running a bath, and getting a glass of wine from the refrigerator in your own home.

What’s your normal move if bathing, changing your sheets, and getting your partner a drink is too much effort?

I think what people don't get is the idea that you need to be cajoled into having sex with your husband.
It makes it seem like you view sex as a reward for your husband and something you tolerate if he's been a * good boy" vs something you enjoy it's a good time for both of you.

And I guess I can't relate to that mentality. But I also can't relate to relegating sex to obligatory days I will tolerate it. So this thread probably is for me or others who actually like sex with their spouse.

It made me think that she is more interested in sex when she is relaxed, and her husband knows how to get her to that state.
Every woman knows how to get a man thinking about sex. Or are you going to tell me that if I put on lingerie or whisper dirty things, then I am cajoling my husband into having sex with me because I’m a “good girl?” Or that he doesn’t actually like having sex with me?
It’s nice to know that there is at least one man out there who knows how to get his wife interested in sex.

I think the difference is that when you're putting on lingerie and whispering dirty things; you're doing sexy things to make him sexually interested.

Charging airpods and all the other stuff she mentioned is like two steps removed from sex; making it seem transactional. If you're giving good sex to get good sex, that's awesome. If you're giving someone a better rate on their loan to get sex, that's gross. In between those extremes, there's a spectrum.

It sounds like you are saying that the things women do to put men in the mood for sex are sexy, but the things that men do to put women in the mood for sex are transactional.

I mean, in what world is taking a bath kind of like taking out a bank loan?

The man isn't the one taking the bath. If the wife wants the husband to take a bath before sex, I can totally understand that.

But having him tend to the electronics, the linens, the refreshments, and the bathroom conditions before she can be bothered with sex starts to look a little transactional.

The way I’m reading it, it’s not about making him jump through hoops. It’s about her feeling relaxed.

I also need to relax before I can enjoy sex. We don’t do the bath thing, but DH typically gives me a massage. Personally, I cannot physiologically get turned on if my sympathetic nervous system is still firing. It has nothing at all to do with what DH looks like or how I feel about him. It’s just how my body works.
Either I have to relax first or we have to use lube and a vibrator.