Sex on important dates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Turning on a bathroom tap is...free. Add in dumping in some bath salts and it adds up to about 30 seconds of effort. I had no idea asking your husband to take 30 seconds out of his day so you can feel comfortable and relaxed was such an insurmountable task for so many men on this board.

It’s not that it’s hard to turn on a tap, it’s that you require your husband to jump through all these hoops in order to maybe have sex with him. Other people just go ahead and f—k, because they’re into it and attracted to one another. That’s probably the part you’re getting confused by.

We expect so little of men and so much of women.

DP. Yes expecting women to be in to sex and attraction to their spouse is way too much! This is why there is so much dead bed.

No, there are so many dead bedrooms because people don’t want to hear and/or give what their partner is asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Turning on a bathroom tap is...free. Add in dumping in some bath salts and it adds up to about 30 seconds of effort. I had no idea asking your husband to take 30 seconds out of his day so you can feel comfortable and relaxed was such an insurmountable task for so many men on this board.

It’s not that it’s hard to turn on a tap, it’s that you require your husband to jump through all these hoops in order to maybe have sex with him. Other people just go ahead and f—k, because they’re into it and attracted to one another. That’s probably the part you’re getting confused by.

We expect so little of men and so much of women.

DP. Yes expecting women to be in to sex and attraction to their spouse is way too much! This is why there is so much dead bed.

No, there are so many dead bedrooms because people don’t want to hear and/or give what their partner is asking.

I think too many people have been conditioned into what sex should be this turning it into a dramatic affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has long figured out the key to sex is to not make it an expectation. His “game” is to run me a hot bath. He will usually put in epson salts and top it off with bubbles. He makes sure my AirPods are charged. He then brings me a bottle of water and a glass of wine. He turns out the lights in the bathroom and walks away.

When I’m done he has changed the sheets on the bed. I climb into crisp cool sheets. He puts on one of my favorite shows and invites me to snuggle up to him. Sometimes I just crash but usually cuddling leads to kissing which leads to his end game.

You sound exhausting. No man should have to put in that work just to have sex. I'd go get it elsewhere for a hell of a lot less effort.

I’m not that poster, but how are you “getting it elsewhere” for less effort than this? It’s literally changing your own sheets, running a bath, and getting a glass of wine from the refrigerator in your own home.

What’s your normal move if bathing, changing your sheets, and getting your partner a drink is too much effort?

I think what people don't get is the idea that you need to be cajoled into having sex with your husband.
It makes it seem like you view sex as a reward for your husband and something you tolerate if he's been a * good boy" vs something you enjoy it's a good time for both of you.

And I guess I can't relate to that mentality. But I also can't relate to relegating sex to obligatory days I will tolerate it. So this thread probably is for me or others who actually like sex with their spouse.

It made me think that she is more interested in sex when she is relaxed, and her husband knows how to get her to that state.
Every woman knows how to get a man thinking about sex. Or are you going to tell me that if I put on lingerie or whisper dirty things, then I am cajoling my husband into having sex with me because I’m a “good girl?” Or that he doesn’t actually like having sex with me?
It’s nice to know that there is at least one man out there who knows how to get his wife interested in sex.

I think the difference is that when you're putting on lingerie and whispering dirty things; you're doing sexy things to make him sexually interested.

Charging airpods and all the other stuff she mentioned is like two steps removed from sex; making it seem transactional. If you're giving good sex to get good sex, that's awesome. If you're giving someone a better rate on their loan to get sex, that's gross. In between those extremes, there's a spectrum.

DP. You sound limited and boring. Lingerie is sexy but a bath and clean sheets are only transactional?

Nothing that poster posted would do it for me (a woman), but it’s great that she and her husband know what gets her relaxed and in the mood.

You missed the part where I said it was a spectrum. Charging airpods, delivering wine, and tending to the linens is further along the line toward transactional than is talking dirty.

Back in the early days of dating, music, pouring wine, and having clean sheets was part of wooing someone.

My college experience was *way* different than yours, apparently.

You never dated an adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has long figured out the key to sex is to not make it an expectation. His “game” is to run me a hot bath. He will usually put in epson salts and top it off with bubbles. He makes sure my AirPods are charged. He then brings me a bottle of water and a glass of wine. He turns out the lights in the bathroom and walks away.

When I’m done he has changed the sheets on the bed. I climb into crisp cool sheets. He puts on one of my favorite shows and invites me to snuggle up to him. Sometimes I just crash but usually cuddling leads to kissing which leads to his end game.

You sound exhausting. No man should have to put in that work just to have sex. I'd go get it elsewhere for a hell of a lot less effort.

I’m not that poster, but how are you “getting it elsewhere” for less effort than this? It’s literally changing your own sheets, running a bath, and getting a glass of wine from the refrigerator in your own home.

What’s your normal move if bathing, changing your sheets, and getting your partner a drink is too much effort?

I think what people don't get is the idea that you need to be cajoled into having sex with your husband.
It makes it seem like you view sex as a reward for your husband and something you tolerate if he's been a * good boy" vs something you enjoy it's a good time for both of you.

And I guess I can't relate to that mentality. But I also can't relate to relegating sex to obligatory days I will tolerate it. So this thread probably is for me or others who actually like sex with their spouse.

It made me think that she is more interested in sex when she is relaxed, and her husband knows how to get her to that state.
Every woman knows how to get a man thinking about sex. Or are you going to tell me that if I put on lingerie or whisper dirty things, then I am cajoling my husband into having sex with me because I’m a “good girl?” Or that he doesn’t actually like having sex with me?
It’s nice to know that there is at least one man out there who knows how to get his wife interested in sex.

I think the difference is that when you're putting on lingerie and whispering dirty things; you're doing sexy things to make him sexually interested.

Charging airpods and all the other stuff she mentioned is like two steps removed from sex; making it seem transactional. If you're giving good sex to get good sex, that's awesome. If you're giving someone a better rate on their loan to get sex, that's gross. In between those extremes, there's a spectrum.

DP. You sound limited and boring. Lingerie is sexy but a bath and clean sheets are only transactional?

Nothing that poster posted would do it for me (a woman), but it’s great that she and her husband know what gets her relaxed and in the mood.

You missed the part where I said it was a spectrum. Charging airpods, delivering wine, and tending to the linens is further along the line toward transactional than is talking dirty.

Back in the early days of dating, music, pouring wine, and having clean sheets was part of wooing someone.

My college experience was *way* different than yours, apparently.

You never dated an adult?

Depends what you call "adult," I guess. Met my wife in grad school. "Wooing" is pretty limited when fine dining is "Chili's," and a night out is a college dive bar.