Dating Culture at different colleges

[Anonymous]

My sense is that this really does differ depending on the kid, but also the school.

So it would be MUCH more helpful to the restu of us if people with knowledge about this would name the colleges they're talking about.

(Given the topic, it's hard to imagine how you would possibly out yourself or your kid. There are no identifying details involved.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is a senior at a small SLAC that's 50:50. He's had girlfriends since his sophomore year of high school. At college, he's has had two serious girlfriends. Students there seem to meet the same way we did at my college 30 years ago -- through classes and campus parties (no frats or anything exclusive on campus) or by living in the same dorms/eating in the same dining halls. He says there are a lot of drunk hook ups but mostly there are actual relationships among the students. The overall campus culture is somewhat offbeat/artsy and brainy. Not the kind of place where the guys are all chasing a few popular blondes as someone above said.

You willing to share which school?

[Anonymous]

I have a daughter at Virginia Tech who met a great guy her freshman year - they lived in the same dorm. They've been together for three years now. She also has several good guy friends who live in her off-campus neighborhood, and a few of her close friends are dating as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS is a senior at a small SLAC that's 50:50. He's had girlfriends since his sophomore year of high school. At college, he's has had two serious girlfriends. Students there seem to meet the same way we did at my college 30 years ago -- through classes and campus parties (no frats or anything exclusive on campus) or by living in the same dorms/eating in the same dining halls. He says there are a lot of drunk hook ups but mostly there are actual relationships among the students. The overall campus culture is somewhat offbeat/artsy and brainy. Not the kind of place where the guys are all chasing a few popular blondes as someone above said.

You willing to share which school?

I hope it's Carleton . . .

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DS is a senior at a small SLAC that's 50:50. He's had girlfriends since his sophomore year of high school. At college, he's has had two serious girlfriends. Students there seem to meet the same way we did at my college 30 years ago -- through classes and campus parties (no frats or anything exclusive on campus) or by living in the same dorms/eating in the same dining halls. He says there are a lot of drunk hook ups but mostly there are actual relationships among the students. The overall campus culture is somewhat offbeat/artsy and brainy. Not the kind of place where the guys are all chasing a few popular blondes as someone above said. [/quote]

You willing to share which school?[/quote]

Not Amherst. No one will touch another human after drinking bc of Fizz.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to tell you the truth even though you might not like it. Guys don’t approach anymore girls because they’re nervous about getting in trouble or being labeled creepy. They could be accused of harassment or someone could record it and put it on TikTok making fun of the guy. Btw I’m a dem and support me too, etc. but this is the other side of the equation. Guys either forgo dating, use an app or a mutual friend plays matchmaker like middle school to make sure everyone is on the same page.

Syracuse mom PP here. I totally agree with this. Especially the cohort of kids that are in college - they came of age during the Me Too movement. (I too am a hard core Democratic progesssive but this is the truth)

Hmm, I wonder if it’s that particular age set then. I don’t find this to be a thing among current high schoolers. Quite the opposite!

College is different. You’ll learn soon enough. PP

[Anonymous]

Original Poster here - yes it feels very different to high school. My kid had 3 longer term relationships in HS all over 9 months (which is a long time in HS) and they say college is a disaster for dating. Hook ups, ghosting, etc. They are so over it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Original Poster here - yes it feels very different to high school. My kid had 3 longer term relationships in HS all over 9 months (which is a long time in HS) and they say college is a disaster for dating. Hook ups, ghosting, etc. They are so over it!

Wow that is disappointing for sure. You may have already mentioned, but what size school is this?

[Anonymous]

Hard to meet someone in college today.

[Anonymous]

If I had to advise my daughter all over again it would be to find a boyfriend in high school and keep dating when you go to college. those are the only girls who are dating anyone.

The downside being that I see toxic relationships form high school that won't die because the kids know that they won't find anyone new. My junior son has a friend who is still dating a girl who is a functional alcoholic and completely possessive of him but he won't end it because he knows he'll then be alone.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DS is a senior at a small SLAC that's 50:50. He's had girlfriends since his sophomore year of high school. At college, he's has had two serious girlfriends. Students there seem to meet the same way we did at my college 30 years ago -- through classes and campus parties (no frats or anything exclusive on campus) or by living in the same dorms/eating in the same dining halls. He says there are a lot of drunk hook ups but mostly there are actual relationships among the students. The overall campus culture is somewhat offbeat/artsy and brainy. Not the kind of place where the guys are all chasing a few popular blondes as someone above said. [/quote]

You willing to share which school?[/quote]

Not Amherst. No one will touch another human after drinking bc of Fizz. [/quote]You do know Fizz exists at other schools, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is a senior at a small SLAC that's 50:50. He's had girlfriends since his sophomore year of high school. At college, he's has had two serious girlfriends. Students there seem to meet the same way we did at my college 30 years ago -- through classes and campus parties (no frats or anything exclusive on campus) or by living in the same dorms/eating in the same dining halls. He says there are a lot of drunk hook ups but mostly there are actual relationships among the students. The overall campus culture is somewhat offbeat/artsy and brainy. Not the kind of place where the guys are all chasing a few popular blondes as someone above said.

My kids have had similar experiences at two different SLACs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if dating culture is different at different colleges. Liberal arts vs. large state school? Ivy vs non Ivy? I know some are known for hook up culture more than others. Any thoughts? My kid tells me that nobody dates at their college. Everyone is too career focused.

What is it with this generation of parents who are obsessed with their kid's dating life? Leave them alone and they'll figure it out. If your kid would rather focus on dating and not finding anyone there, tell her to go to a dating app. Lots of options these days. Good Lord.

LOL +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I had to advise my daughter all over again it would be to find a boyfriend in high school and keep dating when you go to college. those are the only girls who are dating anyone.

The downside being that I see toxic relationships form high school that won't die because the kids know that they won't find anyone new. My junior son has a friend who is still dating a girl who is a functional alcoholic and completely possessive of him but he won't end it because he knows he'll then be alone.

Interesting perspective! My college freshman daughter is still dating someone she met in hs. They go to different colleges. Initially I was upset that they were planning to continue dating and thought it would hold her back. But, she is super social, goes to parties and is involved in clubs. It's a healthy relationship, and even though it is long-distance, I see how it keeps her grounded (and perhaps away from hook up culture). She is at an Ivy and I do not know anything about the dating culture at her school - i never asked.

[Anonymous]

MIT and Harvard have major hookup culture! That doesn’t mean relationships don’t flourish, just that more are interested in hookups.