Dating Culture at different colleges

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My freshman daughter is at a large state school and there is no dating or even hooking up going on that she knows of. She has a wonderful group of friends who are all pretty, social, etc and they go to darties, etc but no boys ever ask them out and they don't get drunk enough to hookup. There are more girls at these things so it's really hard to get the attention of any guys. You can't stand out. Then no one really talks before or after classes. Kids go in and then leave.

Some of her friends at LACs have had an easy time meeting guys and some have even been asked out. I would say it's much easier in that setting.

I think my daughter is ok with this now because she's investing in female friendship (which is going really well) but I can imagine it will get old with time. I know she would like to date at some point in college. I think she would be receptive to almost any invitation from a guy. She and friends are not holding out for the top 5% or anything like that.

Why is your daughter waiting for a guy to ask her out? She needs to take initiative if she wants to date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman daughter is at a large state school and there is no dating or even hooking up going on that she knows of. She has a wonderful group of friends who are all pretty, social, etc and they go to darties, etc but no boys ever ask them out and they don't get drunk enough to hookup. There are more girls at these things so it's really hard to get the attention of any guys. You can't stand out. Then no one really talks before or after classes. Kids go in and then leave.

Some of her friends at LACs have had an easy time meeting guys and some have even been asked out. I would say it's much easier in that setting.

I think my daughter is ok with this now because she's investing in female friendship (which is going really well) but I can imagine it will get old with time. I know she would like to date at some point in college. I think she would be receptive to almost any invitation from a guy. She and friends are not holding out for the top 5% or anything like that.

This sounds like what my daughter has described. The frats let in girls, but not many boys so the ratio in the parties is off. She's not sure where to meet non-frat guys. It's bugging her.

Is she considering transferring? And if so, where? Is she in a sorority?

Gosh, no. It's not bad enough to transfer, but it will take different effort than it did when we were younger. Rush is 2nd semester.

Is this UVA? My daughter is also there and feels like it's impossible to meet guys. She didn't head to college with this as a priority but it's quickly becoming clear that she likely won't date in college. She says she can't meet guys aside from parties and then the guys at these are all only interested in the same handful of super hot girls. She and her friend group (who are all attractive but not gorgeous blonds) aren't noticed. She can't figure out how to meet other guys or tell if they're even around.

It's not UVA, but I've heard the UVA social scene is very dependent upon bars. It's my understanding that frat parties aren't open and that you need an invite. My DC's school also has a bar scene, but it's more relavent junior and senior year.

To the PP, isn't it weird to tell an 18 year old to go on a dating app?

I'm not saying that's the only option but I just find it hard to believe that she's used up all her options. Doesn't she know how to talk to guys? She's in college. What happened in HS? Did she not talk to the opposite sex in HS? When she goes to parties and bars, does she just stand in the corner with her girlfriends waiting for guys to come up to them? Cmon even in the 90s as women we knew what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if dating culture is different at different colleges. Liberal arts vs. large state school? Ivy vs non Ivy? I know some are known for hook up culture more than others. Any thoughts? My kid tells me that nobody dates at their college. Everyone is too career focused.

What is it with this generation of parents who are obsessed with their kid's dating life? Leave them alone and they'll figure it out. If your kid would rather focus on dating and not finding anyone there, tell her to go to a dating app. Lots of options these days. Good Lord.

I wouldn't call myself obsessed but more "aware" of things because my kid hasn't dated and would very much like to so she talks about it. Her friends are similar and I'm friends with their moms so it's come up in conversation. We don't talk about it all the time or anything but it's foreign to all of us (the moms) as we dated throughout high school and college, never thought twice about dating, never talked to our parents about it, etc. This is new territory.

I really think we let our kids figure it out. Our parents let us be and we turned out fine. Our generation has this need to always help sometimes to the detriment of our kids.

I'm the poster you're responding to and I agree. There's nothing I as the parent can or should do. So I listen and provide ideas if asked. 99% of the time I just listen (with this and all concerns my kids raise). I responded to this post (I'm not the OP) because I'm trying to better understand it as it's very different than my own experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to tell you the truth even though you might not like it. Guys don’t approach anymore girls because they’re nervous about getting in trouble or being labeled creepy. They could be accused of harassment or someone could record it and put it on TikTok making fun of the guy. Btw I’m a dem and support me too, etc. but this is the other side of the equation. Guys either forgo dating, use an app or a mutual friend plays matchmaker like middle school to make sure everyone is on the same page.

BS

Okay b o o m e r

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman daughter is at a large state school and there is no dating or even hooking up going on that she knows of. She has a wonderful group of friends who are all pretty, social, etc and they go to darties, etc but no boys ever ask them out and they don't get drunk enough to hookup. There are more girls at these things so it's really hard to get the attention of any guys. You can't stand out. Then no one really talks before or after classes. Kids go in and then leave.

Some of her friends at LACs have had an easy time meeting guys and some have even been asked out. I would say it's much easier in that setting.

I think my daughter is ok with this now because she's investing in female friendship (which is going really well) but I can imagine it will get old with time. I know she would like to date at some point in college. I think she would be receptive to almost any invitation from a guy. She and friends are not holding out for the top 5% or anything like that.

Why is your daughter waiting for a guy to ask her out? She needs to take initiative if she wants to date.

I know you think this is what girls/women should be doing, but guys aren't interested in this. And frankly, neither are the girls.
DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman daughter is at a large state school and there is no dating or even hooking up going on that she knows of. She has a wonderful group of friends who are all pretty, social, etc and they go to darties, etc but no boys ever ask them out and they don't get drunk enough to hookup. There are more girls at these things so it's really hard to get the attention of any guys. You can't stand out. Then no one really talks before or after classes. Kids go in and then leave.

Some of her friends at LACs have had an easy time meeting guys and some have even been asked out. I would say it's much easier in that setting.

I think my daughter is ok with this now because she's investing in female friendship (which is going really well) but I can imagine it will get old with time. I know she would like to date at some point in college. I think she would be receptive to almost any invitation from a guy. She and friends are not holding out for the top 5% or anything like that.

This sounds like what my daughter has described. The frats let in girls, but not many boys so the ratio in the parties is off. She's not sure where to meet non-frat guys. It's bugging her.

Is she considering transferring? And if so, where? Is she in a sorority?

Gosh, no. It's not bad enough to transfer, but it will take different effort than it did when we were younger. Rush is 2nd semester.

Is this UVA? My daughter is also there and feels like it's impossible to meet guys. She didn't head to college with this as a priority but it's quickly becoming clear that she likely won't date in college. She says she can't meet guys aside from parties and then the guys at these are all only interested in the same handful of super hot girls. She and her friend group (who are all attractive but not gorgeous blonds) aren't noticed. She can't figure out how to meet other guys or tell if they're even around.

It's not UVA, but I've heard the UVA social scene is very dependent upon bars. It's my understanding that frat parties aren't open and that you need an invite. My DC's school also has a bar scene, but it's more relavent junior and senior year.

To the PP, isn't it weird to tell an 18 year old to go on a dating app?

I'm not saying that's the only option but I just find it hard to believe that she's used up all her options. Doesn't she know how to talk to guys? She's in college. What happened in HS? Did she not talk to the opposite sex in HS? When she goes to parties and bars, does she just stand in the corner with her girlfriends waiting for guys to come up to them? Cmon even in the 90s as women we knew what to do.

You really don’t get it. Drunk hookups get you expelled now. Drunk flirting is considered creepy and cringy. The 90’s are long gone. Tinder and then a date to smoke a joint is much more common now.

[Anonymous]

This is surprising. At my kid’s high school there are lots and lots of couples. I would have thought college would open even more opportunities for dating. That’s disappointing.

[Anonymous]

Why aren't young people using dating apps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is surprising. At my kid’s high school there are lots and lots of couples. I would have thought college would open even more opportunities for dating. That’s disappointing.

They will mostly be broken up by fall break of their first year of college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a very broad question.

I can only say that my son connected with his first-ever girlfriend at Syracuse beginning of his sophomore year through a dating app. He actually already had a class with her. They've been dating for 2 years and they're
a great fit. He wasn't having any dating luck prior to the app. I think it is a way to sort through who actually wants to be in a relationship and who doesn't.

Was it a dating app just for the university students?

No, I think it was Hinge. Definitely not just a student app although I think he only considered students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to tell you the truth even though you might not like it. Guys don’t approach anymore girls because they’re nervous about getting in trouble or being labeled creepy. They could be accused of harassment or someone could record it and put it on TikTok making fun of the guy. Btw I’m a dem and support me too, etc. but this is the other side of the equation. Guys either forgo dating, use an app or a mutual friend plays matchmaker like middle school to make sure everyone is on the same page.

Syracuse mom PP here. I totally agree with this. Especially the cohort of kids that are in college - they came of age during the Me Too movement. (I too am a hard core Democratic progesssive but this is the truth)

[Anonymous]

My DS is a senior at a small SLAC that's 50:50. He's had girlfriends since his sophomore year of high school. At college, he's has had two serious girlfriends. Students there seem to meet the same way we did at my college 30 years ago -- through classes and campus parties (no frats or anything exclusive on campus) or by living in the same dorms/eating in the same dining halls. He says there are a lot of drunk hook ups but mostly there are actual relationships among the students. The overall campus culture is somewhat offbeat/artsy and brainy. Not the kind of place where the guys are all chasing a few popular blondes as someone above said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is surprising. At my kid’s high school there are lots and lots of couples. I would have thought college would open even more opportunities for dating. That’s disappointing.

They will mostly be broken up by fall break of their first year of college.

Of course. I didn’t mean to imply they were forever relationships. I am puzzled why high schoolers are managing to date and yet college students (as reported here) are struggling to find people? It’s disappointing since many kids are looking forward to that aspect of college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to tell you the truth even though you might not like it. Guys don’t approach anymore girls because they’re nervous about getting in trouble or being labeled creepy. They could be accused of harassment or someone could record it and put it on TikTok making fun of the guy. Btw I’m a dem and support me too, etc. but this is the other side of the equation. Guys either forgo dating, use an app or a mutual friend plays matchmaker like middle school to make sure everyone is on the same page.

Syracuse mom PP here. I totally agree with this. Especially the cohort of kids that are in college - they came of age during the Me Too movement. (I too am a hard core Democratic progesssive but this is the truth)

Hmm, I wonder if it’s that particular age set then. I don’t find this to be a thing among current high schoolers. Quite the opposite!

[Anonymous]

Dated a student at the College of Notre Dame of Maryland (CONDOM).

Like nearly all the women at CONDOM at the time, she was attracted to men. For many, the ideal man was a Naval Academy cadet, although a JHU man was a close second.

An ex-GF went to Goucher. She was bi, but only dated women at Goucher. There were many bi or lesbian women there, both among students as well as faculty.