Dating Culture at different colleges

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to tell you the truth even though you might not like it. Guys don’t approach anymore girls because they’re nervous about getting in trouble or being labeled creepy. They could be accused of harassment or someone could record it and put it on TikTok making fun of the guy. Btw I’m a dem and support me too, etc. but this is the other side of the equation. Guys either forgo dating, use an app or a mutual friend plays matchmaker like middle school to make sure everyone is on the same page.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to tell you the truth even though you might not like it. Guys don’t approach anymore girls because they’re nervous about getting in trouble or being labeled creepy. They could be accused of harassment or someone could record it and put it on TikTok making fun of the guy. Btw I’m a dem and support me too, etc. but this is the other side of the equation. Guys either forgo dating, use an app or a mutual friend plays matchmaker like middle school to make sure everyone is on the same page.

Correction- guys don’t approach girls anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman daughter is at a large state school and there is no dating or even hooking up going on that she knows of. She has a wonderful group of friends who are all pretty, social, etc and they go to darties, etc but no boys ever ask them out and they don't get drunk enough to hookup. There are more girls at these things so it's really hard to get the attention of any guys. You can't stand out. Then no one really talks before or after classes. Kids go in and then leave.

Some of her friends at LACs have had an easy time meeting guys and some have even been asked out. I would say it's much easier in that setting.

I think my daughter is ok with this now because she's investing in female friendship (which is going really well) but I can imagine it will get old with time. I know she would like to date at some point in college. I think she would be receptive to almost any invitation from a guy. She and friends are not holding out for the top 5% or anything like that.

This sounds like what my daughter has described. The frats let in girls, but not many boys so the ratio in the parties is off. She's not sure where to meet non-frat guys. It's bugging her.

Is she considering transferring? And if so, where? Is she in a sorority?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to tell you the truth even though you might not like it. Guys don’t approach anymore girls because they’re nervous about getting in trouble or being labeled creepy. They could be accused of harassment or someone could record it and put it on TikTok making fun of the guy. Btw I’m a dem and support me too, etc. but this is the other side of the equation. Guys either forgo dating, use an app or a mutual friend plays matchmaker like middle school to make sure everyone is on the same page.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to tell you the truth even though you might not like it. Guys don’t approach anymore girls because they’re nervous about getting in trouble or being labeled creepy. They could be accused of harassment or someone could record it and put it on TikTok making fun of the guy. Btw I’m a dem and support me too, etc. but this is the other side of the equation. Guys either forgo dating, use an app or a mutual friend plays matchmaker like middle school to make sure everyone is on the same page.

I agree. My daughter's boyfriend used a female friend as a go-between to assess mutual interest.

[Anonymous]

There is research that shows that the ratio of more women and fewer men on university campuses leads to more promiscuous sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman daughter is at a large state school and there is no dating or even hooking up going on that she knows of. She has a wonderful group of friends who are all pretty, social, etc and they go to darties, etc but no boys ever ask them out and they don't get drunk enough to hookup. There are more girls at these things so it's really hard to get the attention of any guys. You can't stand out. Then no one really talks before or after classes. Kids go in and then leave.

Some of her friends at LACs have had an easy time meeting guys and some have even been asked out. I would say it's much easier in that setting.

I think my daughter is ok with this now because she's investing in female friendship (which is going really well) but I can imagine it will get old with time. I know she would like to date at some point in college. I think she would be receptive to almost any invitation from a guy. She and friends are not holding out for the top 5% or anything like that.

This sounds like what my daughter has described. The frats let in girls, but not many boys so the ratio in the parties is off. She's not sure where to meet non-frat guys. It's bugging her.

Clubs, in class, in neighboring dorms

Yeah. We've talked about that. She is in a sport, but not conducive. Clubs only seem to meet every other week and it's not always the same people, but I told her to keep going. I'm curious about the dorm suggestion. In my day, everyone kept their doors open and so we would just pop in and say hi. Unfortunately, doors are kept closed and the kids don't even have names on their doors anymore. (That's a huge mis-step by Res Life). A lot of kids schedule their classes back to back, so they don't have wasted blocks, but that means 10 minutes to get between buildings, so they aren't hanging around afterwards. I suggested just trying to make friends with males and that can open up larger friend groups.

[Anonymous]

My kid did not really date until grad school . She had guy friends, but nothing more at her SLAC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman daughter is at a large state school and there is no dating or even hooking up going on that she knows of. She has a wonderful group of friends who are all pretty, social, etc and they go to darties, etc but no boys ever ask them out and they don't get drunk enough to hookup. There are more girls at these things so it's really hard to get the attention of any guys. You can't stand out. Then no one really talks before or after classes. Kids go in and then leave.

Some of her friends at LACs have had an easy time meeting guys and some have even been asked out. I would say it's much easier in that setting.

I think my daughter is ok with this now because she's investing in female friendship (which is going really well) but I can imagine it will get old with time. I know she would like to date at some point in college. I think she would be receptive to almost any invitation from a guy. She and friends are not holding out for the top 5% or anything like that.

This sounds like what my daughter has described. The frats let in girls, but not many boys so the ratio in the parties is off. She's not sure where to meet non-frat guys. It's bugging her.

Is she considering transferring? And if so, where? Is she in a sorority?

Gosh, no. It's not bad enough to transfer, but it will take different effort than it did when we were younger. Rush is 2nd semester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to tell you the truth even though you might not like it. Guys don’t approach anymore girls because they’re nervous about getting in trouble or being labeled creepy. They could be accused of harassment or someone could record it and put it on TikTok making fun of the guy. Btw I’m a dem and support me too, etc. but this is the other side of the equation. Guys either forgo dating, use an app or a mutual friend plays matchmaker like middle school to make sure everyone is on the same page.

BS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman daughter is at a large state school and there is no dating or even hooking up going on that she knows of. She has a wonderful group of friends who are all pretty, social, etc and they go to darties, etc but no boys ever ask them out and they don't get drunk enough to hookup. There are more girls at these things so it's really hard to get the attention of any guys. You can't stand out. Then no one really talks before or after classes. Kids go in and then leave.

Some of her friends at LACs have had an easy time meeting guys and some have even been asked out. I would say it's much easier in that setting.

I think my daughter is ok with this now because she's investing in female friendship (which is going really well) but I can imagine it will get old with time. I know she would like to date at some point in college. I think she would be receptive to almost any invitation from a guy. She and friends are not holding out for the top 5% or anything like that.

This sounds like what my daughter has described. The frats let in girls, but not many boys so the ratio in the parties is off. She's not sure where to meet non-frat guys. It's bugging her.

Is she considering transferring? And if so, where? Is she in a sorority?

Gosh, no. It's not bad enough to transfer, but it will take different effort than it did when we were younger. Rush is 2nd semester.

Is this UVA? My daughter is also there and feels like it's impossible to meet guys. She didn't head to college with this as a priority but it's quickly becoming clear that she likely won't date in college. She says she can't meet guys aside from parties and then the guys at these are all only interested in the same handful of super hot girls. She and her friend group (who are all attractive but not gorgeous blonds) aren't noticed. She can't figure out how to meet other guys or tell if they're even around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if dating culture is different at different colleges. Liberal arts vs. large state school? Ivy vs non Ivy? I know some are known for hook up culture more than others. Any thoughts? My kid tells me that nobody dates at their college. Everyone is too career focused.

What is it with this generation of parents who are obsessed with their kid's dating life? Leave them alone and they'll figure it out. If your kid would rather focus on dating and not finding anyone there, tell her to go to a dating app. Lots of options these days. Good Lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if dating culture is different at different colleges. Liberal arts vs. large state school? Ivy vs non Ivy? I know some are known for hook up culture more than others. Any thoughts? My kid tells me that nobody dates at their college. Everyone is too career focused.

What is it with this generation of parents who are obsessed with their kid's dating life? Leave them alone and they'll figure it out. If your kid would rather focus on dating and not finding anyone there, tell her to go to a dating app. Lots of options these days. Good Lord.

I wouldn't call myself obsessed but more "aware" of things because my kid hasn't dated and would very much like to so she talks about it. Her friends are similar and I'm friends with their moms so it's come up in conversation. We don't talk about it all the time or anything but it's foreign to all of us (the moms) as we dated throughout high school and college, never thought twice about dating, never talked to our parents about it, etc. This is new territory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if dating culture is different at different colleges. Liberal arts vs. large state school? Ivy vs non Ivy? I know some are known for hook up culture more than others. Any thoughts? My kid tells me that nobody dates at their college. Everyone is too career focused.

What is it with this generation of parents who are obsessed with their kid's dating life? Leave them alone and they'll figure it out. If your kid would rather focus on dating and not finding anyone there, tell her to go to a dating app. Lots of options these days. Good Lord.

I wouldn't call myself obsessed but more "aware" of things because my kid hasn't dated and would very much like to so she talks about it. Her friends are similar and I'm friends with their moms so it's come up in conversation. We don't talk about it all the time or anything but it's foreign to all of us (the moms) as we dated throughout high school and college, never thought twice about dating, never talked to our parents about it, etc. This is new territory.

I really think we let our kids figure it out. Our parents let us be and we turned out fine. Our generation has this need to always help sometimes to the detriment of our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman daughter is at a large state school and there is no dating or even hooking up going on that she knows of. She has a wonderful group of friends who are all pretty, social, etc and they go to darties, etc but no boys ever ask them out and they don't get drunk enough to hookup. There are more girls at these things so it's really hard to get the attention of any guys. You can't stand out. Then no one really talks before or after classes. Kids go in and then leave.

Some of her friends at LACs have had an easy time meeting guys and some have even been asked out. I would say it's much easier in that setting.

I think my daughter is ok with this now because she's investing in female friendship (which is going really well) but I can imagine it will get old with time. I know she would like to date at some point in college. I think she would be receptive to almost any invitation from a guy. She and friends are not holding out for the top 5% or anything like that.

This sounds like what my daughter has described. The frats let in girls, but not many boys so the ratio in the parties is off. She's not sure where to meet non-frat guys. It's bugging her.

Is she considering transferring? And if so, where? Is she in a sorority?

Gosh, no. It's not bad enough to transfer, but it will take different effort than it did when we were younger. Rush is 2nd semester.

Is this UVA? My daughter is also there and feels like it's impossible to meet guys. She didn't head to college with this as a priority but it's quickly becoming clear that she likely won't date in college. She says she can't meet guys aside from parties and then the guys at these are all only interested in the same handful of super hot girls. She and her friend group (who are all attractive but not gorgeous blonds) aren't noticed. She can't figure out how to meet other guys or tell if they're even around.

It's not UVA, but I've heard the UVA social scene is very dependent upon bars. It's my understanding that frat parties aren't open and that you need an invite. My DC's school also has a bar scene, but it's more relavent junior and senior year.

To the PP, isn't it weird to tell an 18 year old to go on a dating app?