My young teen’s social life is killing me. I need mental coping strategies

[Anonymous]

Who goes to away games

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she? What sort of activities are you driving her to? Do you have a spouse who can help?

My husband helps when he can, but we also have younger kids at home who aren’t old enough to stay alone, so we alternate. I’m running all over the place, to performing arts events, football games (both home and away, often twice a week for JV and varsity), and various social outings like trips to the mall, dinner, or just wandering around town. Sometimes I’m just the one bringing everyone home from a central spot. But no one ever offers to drive my daughter home.

Then you are the fool.

Prioritize and stop with the frequent mall and dinner trips.

+1. There is no reason your daughter needs to take part in every trip to the mall, every wander around town event. Does she ever study?

[Anonymous]

I get it, we had to pick up DC after private school sports practice 4-5 days a week, then get them to evening club practice 2 nights a week (plus weekend games), then if they had social activities it was 1-2 nights additional. Once they got their permit, they would drive me around, then eventually they got their license and were able to go alone.

[Anonymous]

This is crazy scary spooky and hilarious

[Anonymous]

uber is your friend

[Anonymous]

Where is your spouse ? Can he/she not assist?
Ask your child to ask those friends to assist OR you only assist w shuffling yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is super social, but there is now way we would drive her to more than 2 social things a week.

Really?

Dp here. How many times a week for social visits do you think is appropriate? Between homework for school and their own activities, my kids wouldn’t have time for this, especially not during the week.

My sophomore often has plans Friday night, usually around the football game and doing something after. I usually drop one way, and another parent does the other.

She may also have plans Saturday. Maybe multiple things. I’m happy to drive. I certainly don’t count or limit it. Between myself and husband, we are usually available. If not, she is good about getting rides in her own!

I don’t think there’s anything inappropriate about it. Weekdays she is busy with practice, homework, extracurriculars.

[Anonymous]

Uber teen is the answer. At least for some things like rides to friends' houses or the mall that are not far and would be inexpensive.

[Anonymous]

Since you asked for a reframe, my mom was definitely the driver for me (I went to a citywide school and didn’t have a big social life but was in a lot of organized activities that required some shuttling)and my sister (absolute social butterfly but her friends and dance studio were more local). It was definitely uneven when other parents were involved too. In any case, it really was nice and I am grateful.

But the JV football games, just say no.

[Anonymous]

Just say no

[Anonymous]

I think you'd feel better about it if the other parents helped even occasionally. Right now I think it's a "it's not fair" mindset more about the other parents than about your daughter's activities.

I agree with a PP who set you need to start saying "I can drive you guys there, but another parent needs to pick up. Let the other girls know and let me know who's picking up before we leave". Sometimes a dual working parent household might have trouble getting them to an early evening event, but they should be able to pick up.

If their plans don't work out a few times, probably another parent will step up.

[Anonymous]

I completely understand all the ideas about setting boundaries but honestly, I’m with the few respondents and I think the OP who really isn’t looking for a way to set boundaries for her daughter. Rather, OP sounds like she just feels unfairly relied upon to provide the logistics. We’re kind of in the same boat and feel like we typically end up driving more often than other parents although it’s not quite as lopsided as OP‘s. But the larger point that I think OP was maybe after was that we are so thrilled - especially with all the isolation in Covid - that our kids are getting together with friends a ton and getting all of that priceless social time that will pay off for the rest of their life. They’ll have their college and adult lives to figure out how to get around by themselves, but for now we’re willing to shoulder more of the burden. Now that’s not to say that we don’t hit our limit every now and then and just say we can’t do stuff. We also definitely gravitate towards families who are willing to trade off on pick up and drop off. But expecting things to be even-steven is just not realistic. Most people tend to be selfish and like to take advantage, but our irritation over that is worth it to encourage our kids to nurture their friendships and build interpersonal skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Where is your spouse ? Can he/she not assist?
Ask your child to ask those friends to assist OR you only assist w shuffling yours.

He’s useless

[Anonymous]

I bet after 4-5 times of you not being able to drive, one of the other parents would step up.