Is it disrespectful to ignore the dress code?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how old is the guest?
What is the relationship to the host?
And what is the guest's gender/sexual identity?
What is the event? A wedding or Grandma's 80th birthday?
If it's a wedding, is it favorite cousin? Dad's second? mom's best friend's child?
and who are you in this situation?


All of this plays into how I'd handle this.

Sexual identy is irrelevant.

If you think a special pass on manners is allowable for anyone who isn't straight or a gay man, then you are being ridiculous.

No it’s very relevant. I’m a gay woman. I’m fine being a woman with no gender issues. However, I dislike women’s clothing. I don’t like the tighter fit, I don’t wear dresses or skirts ever. It physically makes me uncomfortable and then adds social anxiety as well because it just doesn’t feel right.
So I’d skip the event entirely.

If I'm with you, I would wear a suit or a tuxedo, or pants with some sort of fancy top.

[Anonymous]

^^^ *If I were you

[Anonymous]

Yes it's rude. You can find something to "blend in" that's still comfortable and doesn't involve spending $ to buy a new outfit. Jeans seems like a specific FU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I’m throwing the party for my dad’s bday. He’s turning 80. The invitation says “cocktail attire” but the hotel is fancy so most people are planning on formal. I dont want anyone to have to go out and buy clothes but there’s lots of wiggle room between “threw on jeans” and a cocktail dress.

This person in question is 40.

Is the person your spouse or child? Otherwise why does it matter to you, it's not going to reflect on you? Did this person dramatically announce they were wearing jeans, or did you ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have formal clothing.
I am very casual and wear a uniform for work.
So do you want me to come casual or do you want me to skip?
What matters more, asthetics or friendships?

You wear jeans to weddings and funerals? I find it hard to believe that an adult with a job doesn’t own any clothing aside from ratty tshirts and jeans.

I don't own any dress clothes, as none of my old stuff fit. Not everyone owns formal clothes if there isn't a need. We don't have any funerals or weddings in the past few years.

[Anonymous]

Yes, Rude of guest to attend in jeans and
Attend if they don’t like to dress as requested.


Ick!

[Anonymous]

There could be a number of reasons that are not necessarily disrespectful, but could be. The bottom line is just ignore it. They might end up looking silly, but it’s not your problem as a host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults can have huge birthday blowouts and request formal attire if they want to. That’s not the issue. Yes, it is disrespectful not to at least make an effort of adhering to the dress code. Sounds like the guest is more of a frenemy who wants to stick it to the birthday boy/girl or is a narcissist who wants to make everything about them.

When I married it was in a hotel ballroom in the evening. I didn’t have a dress code, but had relatives show up in jeans. I knew that was likely all they had to wear and it didn’t bother me that they showed up dressed like that. I wasn’t expecting them to buy new clothes for my wedding.

My friend just had a 2nd wedding. There was no dress code but it was at a winery. Most guests wore suits and cocktail dresses. The groom's ex-uncle-in-law wore an apparently brand new crisp set of denim overalls with a new solid blue shirt and cufflinks that were shaped like tools. He clearly wanted to play a character part.

That is kinda cute and sweet.

Did he have a grizzly beard?

NP. I don't see how dressing to pull attention at someone else's event is cute or sweet. If he wants attention, he can throw his own party and wear his hayseed outfit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how old is the guest?
What is the relationship to the host?
And what is the guest's gender/sexual identity?
What is the event? A wedding or Grandma's 80th birthday?
If it's a wedding, is it favorite cousin? Dad's second? mom's best friend's child?
and who are you in this situation?


All of this plays into how I'd handle this.

Sexual identy is irrelevant.

If you think a special pass on manners is allowable for anyone who isn't straight or a gay man, then you are being ridiculous.

No it’s very relevant. I’m a gay woman. I’m fine being a woman with no gender issues. However, I dislike women’s clothing. I don’t like the tighter fit, I don’t wear dresses or skirts ever. It physically makes me uncomfortable and then adds social anxiety as well because it just doesn’t feel right.
So I’d skip the event entirely.

You could wear a tux! Women in tuxes are so hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have formal clothing.
I am very casual and wear a uniform for work.
So do you want me to come casual or do you want me to skip?
What matters more, asthetics or friendships?

You wear jeans to weddings and funerals? I find it hard to believe that an adult with a job doesn’t own any clothing aside from ratty tshirts and jeans.

I don't own any dress clothes, as none of my old stuff fit. Not everyone owns formal clothes if there isn't a need. We don't have any funerals or weddings in the past few years.

I respectfully submit that you could buy something if the occasion arose. It's useful to have one semi-formal outfit in your closet. An interesting fact I learned is that the British royal family always travels with funeral clothes in case someone dies and they need to quickly dress appropriately! That's overkill, but in general it's nice not to have to scramble to find something suitable to wear for an Event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults can have huge birthday blowouts and request formal attire if they want to. That’s not the issue. Yes, it is disrespectful not to at least make an effort of adhering to the dress code. Sounds like the guest is more of a frenemy who wants to stick it to the birthday boy/girl or is a narcissist who wants to make everything about them.

When I married it was in a hotel ballroom in the evening. I didn’t have a dress code, but had relatives show up in jeans. I knew that was likely all they had to wear and it didn’t bother me that they showed up dressed like that. I wasn’t expecting them to buy new clothes for my wedding.

My friend just had a 2nd wedding. There was no dress code but it was at a winery. Most guests wore suits and cocktail dresses. The groom's ex-uncle-in-law wore an apparently brand new crisp set of denim overalls with a new solid blue shirt and cufflinks that were shaped like tools. He clearly wanted to play a character part.

That is kinda cute and sweet.

Did he have a grizzly beard?

NP. I don't see how dressing to pull attention at someone else's event is cute or sweet. If he wants attention, he can throw his own party and wear his hayseed outfit.

In that particular case maybe the guy just thought that was appropriate for a winery, like a rustic vibe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disrespectful. Rude. Tacky. All of it. The host probably won’t say anything. Other guests will talk about it.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have formal clothing.
I am very casual and wear a uniform for work.
So do you want me to come casual or do you want me to skip?
What matters more, asthetics or friendships?

You wear jeans to weddings and funerals? I find it hard to believe that an adult with a job doesn’t own any clothing aside from ratty tshirts and jeans.

I don't own any dress clothes, as none of my old stuff fit. Not everyone owns formal clothes if there isn't a need. We don't have any funerals or weddings in the past few years.

I respectfully submit that you could buy something if the occasion arose. It's useful to have one semi-formal outfit in your closet. An interesting fact I learned is that the British royal family always travels with funeral clothes in case someone dies and they need to quickly dress appropriately! That's overkill, but in general it's nice not to have to scramble to find something suitable to wear for an Event.

I was taught to always pack something that would work in a pinch for a funeral while traveling. Especially if I was traveling for weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have formal clothing.
I am very casual and wear a uniform for work.
So do you want me to come casual or do you want me to skip?
What matters more, asthetics or friendships?

You wear jeans to weddings and funerals? I find it hard to believe that an adult with a job doesn’t own any clothing aside from ratty tshirts and jeans.

I don't own any dress clothes, as none of my old stuff fit. Not everyone owns formal clothes if there isn't a need. We don't have any funerals or weddings in the past few years.

I respectfully submit that you could buy something if the occasion arose. It's useful to have one semi-formal outfit in your closet. An interesting fact I learned is that the British royal family always travels with funeral clothes in case someone dies and they need to quickly dress appropriately! That's overkill, but in general it's nice not to have to scramble to find something suitable to wear for an Event.

OR borrow from a friend OR wear something nondescript like black pants and a dark blouse. Even that will look less awkward than jeans. Jeans are very pointedly non-formal.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't really matter OP. Either the guest can't afford to meet the dress code or doesn't care if they embarrass themselves. Nothing you can do about it.