Is it disrespectful to ignore the dress code?

[Anonymous]

Yes it’s rude. She should not attend.
As a host what would I do? Nothing.

[Anonymous]

Adding to above. Hosts shouldn't make dress codes unrealistic or burdensome. If tuxes and gowns are unusual in your social circle... don't host a formal event. You are supposed to be entertaining your guests and making them comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how old is the guest?
What is the relationship to the host?
And what is the guest's gender/sexual identity?
What is the event? A wedding or Grandma's 80th birthday?
If it's a wedding, is it favorite cousin? Dad's second? mom's best friend's child?
and who are you in this situation?


All of this plays into how I'd handle this.

Sexual identy is irrelevant.

If you think a special pass on manners is allowable for anyone who isn't straight or a gay man, then you are being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the host, I'd be annoyed, but I wouldn't say anything.

But I also wouldn't have a huge birthday party for myself as an adult.

I think if your birthday is a milestone, like 40, 50, 75 or every year past 80, party away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the host, I'd be annoyed, but I wouldn't say anything.

But I also wouldn't have a huge birthday party for myself as an adult.

+1 to both of these.

Yeah, if I am still kicking when I turn 90, we are going to party til the cows come home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults can have huge birthday blowouts and request formal attire if they want to. That’s not the issue. Yes, it is disrespectful not to at least make an effort of adhering to the dress code. Sounds like the guest is more of a frenemy who wants to stick it to the birthday boy/girl or is a narcissist who wants to make everything about them.

When I married it was in a hotel ballroom in the evening. I didn’t have a dress code, but had relatives show up in jeans. I knew that was likely all they had to wear and it didn’t bother me that they showed up dressed like that. I wasn’t expecting them to buy new clothes for my wedding.

My friend just had a 2nd wedding. There was no dress code but it was at a winery. Most guests wore suits and cocktail dresses. The groom's ex-uncle-in-law wore an apparently brand new crisp set of denim overalls with a new solid blue shirt and cufflinks that were shaped like tools. He clearly wanted to play a character part.

That is kinda cute and sweet.

Did he have a grizzly beard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how old is the guest?
What is the relationship to the host?
And what is the guest's gender/sexual identity?
What is the event? A wedding or Grandma's 80th birthday?
If it's a wedding, is it favorite cousin? Dad's second? mom's best friend's child?
and who are you in this situation?


All of this plays into how I'd handle this.

Sexual identy is irrelevant.

If you think a special pass on manners is allowable for anyone who isn't straight or a gay man, then you are being ridiculous.

Hey Friend, If this were my 12 year old kid who was finding their identity I'd approach it differently than if it were my 40 year old jackass sister.

[Anonymous]

Why are you having a formal birthday party in a hotel bathroom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how old is the guest?
What is the relationship to the host?
And what is the guest's gender/sexual identity?
What is the event? A wedding or Grandma's 80th birthday?
If it's a wedding, is it favorite cousin? Dad's second? mom's best friend's child?
and who are you in this situation?


All of this plays into how I'd handle this.

Sexual identy is irrelevant.

If you think a special pass on manners is allowable for anyone who isn't straight or a gay man, then you are being ridiculous.

No it’s very relevant. I’m a gay woman. I’m fine being a woman with no gender issues. However, I dislike women’s clothing. I don’t like the tighter fit, I don’t wear dresses or skirts ever. It physically makes me uncomfortable and then adds social anxiety as well because it just doesn’t feel right.
So I’d skip the event entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how old is the guest?
What is the relationship to the host?
And what is the guest's gender/sexual identity?
What is the event? A wedding or Grandma's 80th birthday?
If it's a wedding, is it favorite cousin? Dad's second? mom's best friend's child?
and who are you in this situation?


All of this plays into how I'd handle this.

Sexual identy is irrelevant.

If you think a special pass on manners is allowable for anyone who isn't straight or a gay man, then you are being ridiculous.

No it’s very relevant. I’m a gay woman. I’m fine being a woman with no gender issues. However, I dislike women’s clothing. I don’t like the tighter fit, I don’t wear dresses or skirts ever. It physically makes me uncomfortable and then adds social anxiety as well because it just doesn’t feel right.
So I’d skip the event entirely.

I’m a straight woman who no gender issues. I love pants and shirts. You can wear nice dark ones. Don’t make things complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have formal clothing.
I am very casual and wear a uniform for work.
So do you want me to come casual or do you want me to skip?
What matters more, asthetics or friendships?

Really, you don’t have black pants and a blouse?

I do yes, and that’s what I would probably wear. I’ve been to Weddings and worn khakis and a nice shirt. No one bats an eyelid, even though the other women are in dresses

Khakis and a nice shirt is different than jeans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have formal clothing.
I am very casual and wear a uniform for work.
So do you want me to come casual or do you want me to skip?
What matters more, asthetics or friendships?

Easy enough to borrow a gown/shoes/bag from your Buy Nothing group. Happens all the time in my group.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have formal clothing.
I am very casual and wear a uniform for work.
So do you want me to come casual or do you want me to skip?
What matters more, asthetics or friendships?

You wear jeans to weddings and funerals? I find it hard to believe that an adult with a job doesn’t own any clothing aside from ratty tshirts and jeans.

[Anonymous]

Well..I've been to several funerals where many attendees were wearing neat jeans and button down shirts. The first time, it surprised me but now I understand it's the norm for some social groups. I only wish it was possible for me to know ahead of time what the family will be wearing...