Is it disrespectful to ignore the dress code?

[Anonymous]

Yes or no?

This is for a birthday party, invites say formal. It is at 7 pm in a hotel ballroom. Guest says she doesn’t want to dress up and is just gonna wear jeans.

If you were the host, would this bother you? What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I skip parties with dress codes.

[Anonymous]

No, it won’t bother me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it won’t bother me.

Pp again, but it’s a weird choice for the guest to go from formal to jeans - so many things in between these two options that would still be comfortable but not as glaring. In any case, it’s her or him who will stand out at the event. I wouldn’t have issues with their choice.

[Anonymous]

I think it's kind of ridiculous to say formal for a birthday party (and my guess is the host doesn't actually mean formal), but wearing jeans to a dressy event is inappropriate. The guys could at least wear dress pants and a nice top. Or just decline the invitation.

[Anonymous]

how old is the guest?
What is the relationship to the host?
And what is the guest's gender/sexual identity?
What is the event? A wedding or Grandma's 80th birthday?
If it's a wedding, is it favorite cousin? Dad's second? mom's best friend's child?
and who are you in this situation?


All of this plays into how I'd handle this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how old is the guest?
What is the relationship to the host?
And what is the guest's gender/sexual identity?
What is the event? A wedding or Grandma's 80th birthday?
If it's a wedding, is it favorite cousin? Dad's second? mom's best friend's child?
and who are you in this situation?


All of this plays into how I'd handle this.

^ Just re-read the OP. Who's BD?

[Anonymous]

As the host, I'd be annoyed, but I wouldn't say anything.

But I also wouldn't have a huge birthday party for myself as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Yes it’s disrespectful. If you don’t want to follow the dress code, don’t go. If I were the host and someone showed up at a formal event in jeans I’d do nothing and just let them be among everyone else who is dressed up.

[Anonymous]

It is but invite itself is somewhat weird too

[Anonymous]

Is this a teen being forced to go to a family birthday party? It's a weird flex for an adult.

[Anonymous]

Adults can have huge birthday blowouts and request formal attire if they want to. That’s not the issue. Yes, it is disrespectful not to at least make an effort of adhering to the dress code. Sounds like the guest is more of a frenemy who wants to stick it to the birthday boy/girl or is a narcissist who wants to make everything about them.

When I married it was in a hotel ballroom in the evening. I didn’t have a dress code, but had relatives show up in jeans. I knew that was likely all they had to wear and it didn’t bother me that they showed up dressed like that. I wasn’t expecting them to buy new clothes for my wedding.

[Anonymous]

Not if you're wearing Gloria Vanderbilts.

[Anonymous]

Fine.

[Anonymous]

It wouldnt bother me as a host. I assume the guest’s choice is not going to be a surprise. Bd day person and guest are presumably friends and have seen each other react in similar situations.

As a guest, I’d find it weird, rude, and pretty main character. I would never say anything about it.