Is it disrespectful to ignore the dress code?

[Anonymous]

Op here, I’m throwing the party for my dad’s bday. He’s turning 80. The invitation says “cocktail attire” but the hotel is fancy so most people are planning on formal. I dont want anyone to have to go out and buy clothes but there’s lots of wiggle room between “threw on jeans” and a cocktail dress.

This person in question is 40.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't care, but I also wouldn't specify a dress code for a birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Some people believe that by not adhering to social norms like dress codes or other trivial but commonly observed norms, they are asserting their independence or whatever. These people tend to have limited thinking (aka dumb), because why else would they care about showing others they are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I’m throwing the party for my dad’s bday. He’s turning 80. The invitation says “cocktail attire” but the hotel is fancy so most people are planning on formal. I dont want anyone to have to go out and buy clothes but there’s lots of wiggle room between “threw on jeans” and a cocktail dress.

This person in question is 40.

It's fine. If your dad is 80 and this person is a family member or important in his life, it is more important they are there. Just put them towards the back for pictures and it's solved.

It's possible they can't afford to or don't want to buy some clothing for one night. It's also possible they want on particularly annoy you. Either way I would just ignore it and go on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adults can have huge birthday blowouts and request formal attire if they want to. That’s not the issue. Yes, it is disrespectful not to at least make an effort of adhering to the dress code. Sounds like the guest is more of a frenemy who wants to stick it to the birthday boy/girl or is a narcissist who wants to make everything about them.

When I married it was in a hotel ballroom in the evening. I didn’t have a dress code, but had relatives show up in jeans. I knew that was likely all they had to wear and it didn’t bother me that they showed up dressed like that. I wasn’t expecting them to buy new clothes for my wedding.

My friend just had a 2nd wedding. There was no dress code but it was at a winery. Most guests wore suits and cocktail dresses. The groom's ex-uncle-in-law wore an apparently brand new crisp set of denim overalls with a new solid blue shirt and cufflinks that were shaped like tools. He clearly wanted to play a character part.

[Anonymous]

You do a group picture at some point and have them in the front and make sure to post it on social media, but without any negative comments.

[Anonymous]

It would bother me as a guest to ignore the dress code.

As the host, no, because even though it's socially acceptable for a host to specify a style... I really don't think I can dictate people's clothing choices. So I would grin and bear it and assume the guest had constraints such that they could not adhere to the suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults can have huge birthday blowouts and request formal attire if they want to. That’s not the issue. Yes, it is disrespectful not to at least make an effort of adhering to the dress code. Sounds like the guest is more of a frenemy who wants to stick it to the birthday boy/girl or is a narcissist who wants to make everything about them.

When I married it was in a hotel ballroom in the evening. I didn’t have a dress code, but had relatives show up in jeans. I knew that was likely all they had to wear and it didn’t bother me that they showed up dressed like that. I wasn’t expecting them to buy new clothes for my wedding.

My friend just had a 2nd wedding. There was no dress code but it was at a winery. Most guests wore suits and cocktail dresses. The groom's ex-uncle-in-law wore an apparently brand new crisp set of denim overalls with a new solid blue shirt and cufflinks that were shaped like tools. He clearly wanted to play a character part.

Good for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes or no?

This is for a birthday party, invites say formal. It is at 7 pm in a hotel ballroom. Guest says she doesn’t want to dress up and is just gonna wear jeans.

If you were the host, would this bother you? What would you do?

Just ignore it. There are surely more important things in life to be concerned with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have formal clothing.
I am very casual and wear a uniform for work.
So do you want me to come casual or do you want me to skip?
What matters more, asthetics or friendships?

Really, you don’t have black pants and a blouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults can have huge birthday blowouts and request formal attire if they want to. That’s not the issue. Yes, it is disrespectful not to at least make an effort of adhering to the dress code. Sounds like the guest is more of a frenemy who wants to stick it to the birthday boy/girl or is a narcissist who wants to make everything about them.

When I married it was in a hotel ballroom in the evening. I didn’t have a dress code, but had relatives show up in jeans. I knew that was likely all they had to wear and it didn’t bother me that they showed up dressed like that. I wasn’t expecting them to buy new clothes for my wedding.

My friend just had a 2nd wedding. There was no dress code but it was at a winery. Most guests wore suits and cocktail dresses. The groom's ex-uncle-in-law wore an apparently brand new crisp set of denim overalls with a new solid blue shirt and cufflinks that were shaped like tools. He clearly wanted to play a character part.

Good for him.

PP. I observed this, and nobody minded in any fashion police way. It just was obvious that he wanted to stick out and get attention.

[Anonymous]

You need a formal outfit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have formal clothing.
I am very casual and wear a uniform for work.
So do you want me to come casual or do you want me to skip?
What matters more, asthetics or friendships?

Really, you don’t have black pants and a blouse?

I do yes, and that’s what I would probably wear. I’ve been to Weddings and worn khakis and a nice shirt. No one bats an eyelid, even though the other women are in dresses

[Anonymous]

Those of you saying that there shouldn’t be a dress code for a party must not understand that this is literally why.

Most normal people would understand that a party in a nice hotel ballroom is cocktail or formal attire. But since people don’t use common sense, they have to be told how to dress.

[Anonymous]

Accepting an invitation and ignoring the dress code is ill mannered. If the guest doesn't understand how to dress, or just doesn't have appropriate clothing, they deserve grace from their host and other guests. Imho

It seems to me intent is required to make it disrespectful. Deliberately flouting the rules is disrespectful and rude to the host. Maybe the host deserves that. Usually not.