past sexual history and financial status

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The model should be “trust but verify”. You don’t know this person well enough what he/she tells you is factual.

When I was in my 30s, I was involved in two serious relationships with two different women who told me they had been with only two guys prior to meeting me.

Before we got engaged, I paid a private investigator 50k to run a background check on her. It turned out that she slept with at least 50 guys in college. When confronted with this, she admitted that she left out that part, and that she is now a “change” woman. I met another woman a few years that I thought I would be married but she also had a few skeletons in the closet.

A private investigator knows where to find these things if the price is right.

Yea, this isn’t true. I have a couple friends who are PIs and you can’t find that stuff out. Nor would they even want to. Most PI work is people faking injuries.

But, good to know you’re a psycho! Only someone truly unhinged would even think to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The model should be “trust but verify”. You don’t know this person well enough what he/she tells you is factual.

When I was in my 30s, I was involved in two serious relationships with two different women who told me they had been with only two guys prior to meeting me.

Before we got engaged, I paid a private investigator 50k to run a background check on her. It turned out that she slept with at least 50 guys in college. When confronted with this, she admitted that she left out that part, and that she is now a “change” woman. I met another woman a few years that I thought I would be married but she also had a few skeletons in the closet.

A private investigator knows where to find these things if the price is right.

Yea, this isn’t true. I have a couple friends who are PIs and you can’t find that stuff out. Nor would they even want to. Most PI work is people faking injuries.

But, good to know you’re a psycho! Only someone truly unhinged would even think to do that.

There is a phycho man on DCUM- he always writes about PIs, prior partners count, loose, frat parties, ran-through women and so on. Truly a manic, sick dude trying to get into all women panties. I wonder what he does and who he dates in real life.

[Anonymous]

Financial history a definite yes. If someone has zero savings and huge credit card debt that’s a big issue because it could really affect me going forward. Sexual history is in the past. Don’t ask don’t tell.

[Anonymous]

DH and I were very open / aware of both…but we’d been together a long time before we got married. I personally would find it hard to be in a marriage where these things weren’t known - but neither of us has many prior significant others and we were virgins when we met in our late teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Financial history a definite yes. If someone has zero savings and huge credit card debt that’s a big issue because it could really affect me going forward. Sexual history is in the past. Don’t ask don’t tell.

People who think like this are women. No guy would be proud that his wife to be slept with 50+ guys prior to marrying him. The past does matter for both men and women. Two people who are about to get married should be an open book, and nothing is off limit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hiding sexual history is a moral and ethical fraud. Hiding financial history before signing a legal contract is criminal fraud.

Neither are legally actionable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an abortion while in college and told my then-boyfriend about it as things got serious. The fact that he was so understanding about it made me even more sure he was the right guy for me. Married 16 years.

One untimely pregnancy and abortion at young age doesn't say much about you, it does say something about your PCP who didn't offer proper birth control.

This is a very strange take. Was the doctor aware PP was sexually active? Did PP ask for birth control? I don't think you can assign any blame to the doctor here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financial history a definite yes. If someone has zero savings and huge credit card debt that’s a big issue because it could really affect me going forward. Sexual history is in the past. Don’t ask don’t tell.

People who think like this are women. No guy would be proud that his wife to be slept with 50+ guys prior to marrying him. The past does matter for both men and women. Two people who are about to get married should be an open book, and nothing is off limit.

These women are pretty rare. And I bet if a woman slept with that many partners there would be some other signs of inadequacy or over sexualizing self. that a normal person would notice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Financial yes, sexual history no. Unless his history includes sex with men. That I would want to know.

Wow, that’s about the most self-serving formulation I’ve seen on this thread. Ultimately, the real issue here is that most women think it’s illegitimate for a man to be concerned about a woman’s sexual past, full stop, but literally everything else is fair game. OP’s attempt to couple sex and financial issues, while admittedly cheeky, is not going to change anyone’s mind on this. Men see these issues as of similar importance, and women will fight to the death rather than admit that sexual history is something a man has any right to care about. There is a real conflict of interest on the sexual history issue, women don’t want to have their pasts held against them and men don’t want to be the guy she settles for but isn’t actually that attracted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financial yes, sexual history no. Unless his history includes sex with men. That I would want to know.

Wow, that’s about the most self-serving formulation I’ve seen on this thread. Ultimately, the real issue here is that most women think it’s illegitimate for a man to be concerned about a woman’s sexual past, full stop, but literally everything else is fair game. OP’s attempt to couple sex and financial issues, while admittedly cheeky, is not going to change anyone’s mind on this. Men see these issues as of similar importance, and women will fight to the death rather than admit that sexual history is something a man has any right to care about. There is a real conflict of interest on the sexual history issue, women don’t want to have their pasts held against them and men don’t want to be the guy she settles for but isn’t actually that attracted to.

How come you equate a large number of prior partners to "not being attracted to you"? Maybe she finally found everything she was looking for in you.

[Anonymous]

If you're getting married you should absolutely have 100% transparency on finances. Marriage is largely a financial decision these days, so yes, very important.

I'm more ambivalent on history. I don't really care, and I could say it doesnt really matter what happened in the past. Idk why some people are so hung up on it, but its very important to some people.

[Anonymous]

Finances, yes. Sexual history, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Finances, yes. Sexual history, no.

So you don't care if your son is going to marry someone who has slept with your husband (or ex-husband) because sexual history should not matter, right?

[Anonymous]

Financial definitely before living together let alone engaged.
Sexual history...just history of STDs, current STD testing, if any same sex history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Financial history a definite yes. If someone has zero savings and huge credit card debt that’s a big issue because it could really affect me going forward. Sexual history is in the past. Don’t ask don’t tell.

Agree 100%.