My teen is unmotivated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs a job

It doesn’t matter what the job is baby sitting dog walking fast food

Stop paying for things
No she dies not need the phone for safety she can have a phone without paces to TikTok

This is your fault why is she shopping?

Traveling WTH ? No

NP here.

I don’t agree with you. My kids need their phones for safety. I mean, if there’s a shooting or a fire at school then I need to immediately know about it so I can come get them.

It really is a safety need for kids to have their phones.

Op here. Exactly. It also allows me to track her and know where she’s at or if she’s on a bus to know how long it will take her to get home

Omg. If there is a shooting or a fire at school, you aren’t going to “immediately come get them.” Kids don’t need phones for safety at school. That is a myth born out of anxiety that has hindered education greatly.

NP. So if there’s a shooting at your kid’s school you wouldn’t even attempt to immediately go get them?

Your kid texting you that there is a shooting or fire, or whatever is not going to make them any safer. The police will be there before you and the space will need to be secured. You can’t just “go get them.” Sure, show up and wait, but you would be notified to come do this without or without your kid having a phone.

With all do respect, screw you ok? I’m going to go get my kids in an emergency and everybody best get out the way when I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she’s good at TikTok can she just be an influencer?

I wouldn’t want my underaged daughter doing that, but that is me 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I second the people who recommend a job. My teen and many of his friends - including his otherwise unmotivated best friend - are all really proud to have jobs. It’s also a great way to boost her confidence. The money may be the motivating factor at first (especially if you cut off her shopping and going out to eat budget) but it also will likely make her feel better about herself and her place in the world - or make her realize she needs to put in the work to be able to get better jobs in the future. My kids also have some mild social anxiety and working has helped them a ton there insomuch as they are forced to interact, deal with uncomfortable situations, etc and realize they are capable.

If she’s not taking hard classes or doing other activities there is zero reason she should not be working. If she has trouble finding something and is an okay swimmer it’s pretty easy, even in the winter, to get lifeguarding work. Definitely cut off the free access to cash!

Thank you, we will explore it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I think posters are unnecessarily harsh towards your DD. She sounds like a perfectly normal kid. She is also on the younger side of the grade and I am sure it makes it harder to be self confident and to compete and achieve.
My son is a bit like that but he is slowly getting better. Honestly I just made peace with the fact that he is an average boy and is not AP material. He could do it if he was willing to do the work but he isn’t.
I think as long as your kid is kind, well adjusted, has friends, doesn’t ditch school or take drugs or become a teen mom - she has a right to be herself. I am pretty sure she’ll end up having a job and she won’t be homeless one way or another.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could I suggest that she has a fear of failure? What you are describing generally sounds like my kids until we began to really talk about why they aren't doing stuff. ( It absolutely was the fear of peer rejection for clubs, not making the team for sports, not getting an A or being the smartest in a class.

I see this in my college students in class all the time. They won't start a paper/project because they are in control. Rather than submitting something that could possibly be critiqued as "less than."

Things you say she is interested in (which means she is likely not depressed) are things that are generally not related to success or failure.

Op again. This is a great insight. How do you counter it? How do you build that confidence?

I generally take my kids down the worst possible outcome chain of events. Rarely will the final outcome be something that will have severe repercussions. So we practice taking little risks. I told my oldest that if she got a B in a middle school class, I would give her $20 (since MS grades don't count for anything). She realized then that she was the one putting pressure on herself and it wasn't actually me or her dad. And we talked academically about learning rather than achievement. That too helped.

For sports, I forced them to do something. Once they see that I don't need them to be the star player on the team, just try their best, learn from mistakes, and have fun that took some pressure off of them.

And for a while I made them do daily gratitude journals so when they put the pressure on themselves they can remember feeling good about things.

Good ideas, thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the screens.

We have screentime on. She still needs her phone to be able to communicate with us for safety reasons while she’s in school, on the bus etc

Why? Our kid's HS has a no phones bell to bell rule (beginning of day to end of day) so kids can focus on learning and socialize at lunchtime. How often do you have safety issues on the bus? I would guess, hardly ever. Your kid wants a phone because it's fun to have, but if it's becoming a problem with her socially, you need to cut it off or put much tighter controls on its use.

Good for you. I would rather have her with a phone on. If she gets kidnapped, gets off the wrong stop, is threatened by random people, i will be able to track n know exactly where she is. So yes, she needs a phone , we have screentime on, so shes not on it 24/7

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs a job

It doesn’t matter what the job is baby sitting dog walking fast food

Stop paying for things
No she dies not need the phone for safety she can have a phone without paces to TikTok

This is your fault why is she shopping?

Traveling WTH ? No

NP here.

I don’t agree with you. My kids need their phones for safety. I mean, if there’s a shooting or a fire at school then I need to immediately know about it so I can come get them.

It really is a safety need for kids to have their phones.

Op here. Exactly. It also allows me to track her and know where she’s at or if she’s on a bus to know how long it will take her to get home

Omg. If there is a shooting or a fire at school, you aren’t going to “immediately come get them.” Kids don’t need phones for safety at school. That is a myth born out of anxiety that has hindered education greatly.

NP. So if there’s a shooting at your kid’s school you wouldn’t even attempt to immediately go get them?

Your kid texting you that there is a shooting or fire, or whatever is not going to make them any safer. The police will be there before you and the space will need to be secured. You can’t just “go get them.” Sure, show up and wait, but you would be notified to come do this without or without your kid having a phone.

You are wrong. It can absolutely make them safer. If they are hurt, they can text their location. They can call 911. They can communicate with parents/authorities about situation inside the building and get directions on how to get to safety. Having a communication device ALWAYS makes a person safer, in absolutely any scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs a job

It doesn’t matter what the job is baby sitting dog walking fast food

Stop paying for things
No she dies not need the phone for safety she can have a phone without paces to TikTok

This is your fault why is she shopping?

Traveling WTH ? No

NP here.

I don’t agree with you. My kids need their phones for safety. I mean, if there’s a shooting or a fire at school then I need to immediately know about it so I can come get them.

It really is a safety need for kids to have their phones.

This is so dumb as far as reasoning bc every other kid has their phone. There is no lacking of phones to use in a real emergency

There are phones with text snd talk but no app or internet access. That js the type of phone she needs not a smartphone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs a job

It doesn’t matter what the job is baby sitting dog walking fast food

Stop paying for things
No she dies not need the phone for safety she can have a phone without paces to TikTok

This is your fault why is she shopping?

Traveling WTH ? No

NP here.

I don’t agree with you. My kids need their phones for safety. I mean, if there’s a shooting or a fire at school then I need to immediately know about it so I can come get them.

It really is a safety need for kids to have their phones.

Op here. Exactly. It also allows me to track her and know where she’s at or if she’s on a bus to know how long it will take her to get home

Omg. If there is a shooting or a fire at school, you aren’t going to “immediately come get them.” Kids don’t need phones for safety at school. That is a myth born out of anxiety that has hindered education greatly.

NP. So if there’s a shooting at your kid’s school you wouldn’t even attempt to immediately go get them?

Your kid texting you that there is a shooting or fire, or whatever is not going to make them any safer. The police will be there before you and the space will need to be secured. You can’t just “go get them.” Sure, show up and wait, but you would be notified to come do this without or without your kid having a phone.

You are wrong. It can absolutely make them safer. If they are hurt, they can text their location. They can call 911. They can communicate with parents/authorities about situation inside the building and get directions on how to get to safety. Having a communication device ALWAYS makes a person safer, in absolutely any scenario.

This is so dumb as far as reasoning bc every other kid has their phone. There is no lacking of phones to use in a real emergency

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs a job

It doesn’t matter what the job is baby sitting dog walking fast food

Stop paying for things
No she dies not need the phone for safety she can have a phone without paces to TikTok

This is your fault why is she shopping?

Traveling WTH ? No

NP here.

I don’t agree with you. My kids need their phones for safety. I mean, if there’s a shooting or a fire at school then I need to immediately know about it so I can come get them.

It really is a safety need for kids to have their phones.

Op here. Exactly. It also allows me to track her and know where she’s at or if she’s on a bus to know how long it will take her to get home

Omg. If there is a shooting or a fire at school, you aren’t going to “immediately come get them.” Kids don’t need phones for safety at school. That is a myth born out of anxiety that has hindered education greatly.

NP. So if there’s a shooting at your kid’s school you wouldn’t even attempt to immediately go get them?

Your kid texting you that there is a shooting or fire, or whatever is not going to make them any safer. The police will be there before you and the space will need to be secured. You can’t just “go get them.” Sure, show up and wait, but you would be notified to come do this without or without your kid having a phone.

With all do respect, screw you ok? I’m going to go get my kids in an emergency and everybody best get out the way when I do.

I am assuming that this is hyperbole but just in case....

If there is a school shooting at your child's school you can very well go to the area. You will be told by the police and other first responders where to wait. You will wait there or you will find yourself in handcuffs or potentially shot. The first responders are not letting anyone through during an active shooter scenario and will control the crime scene after. Kids will be brought out by the first responders and brought to a relocation site where there will be a controlled reunification between parents/guardians and kids. All of your Mama Bear bluster is not going to alter that. Pleas work through that now so if, god forbid it ever happens, you don't make things worse.

Good for you. I would rather have her with a phone on. If she gets kidnapped, gets off the wrong stop, is threatened by random people, i will be able to track n know exactly where she is. So yes, she needs a phone , we have screentime on, so shes not on it 24/7

The first thing any kidnapper is going to do is ditch her phone. So you'll know her last location and that is it. As for the rest, I am guessing you are someone a bit younger and you don't remember the days of no cell phones and how people survived all sorts of things. I would recommend a self-defense class where they review how to handle emergencies. I would do that even if she has a phone because if her first response is to call you then she is going to be in trouble when she is older and not living near you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dd will be turning 16 in a month, she’s in 11th grade. She doesn’t want to do any extracurricular, doesnt want to take any AP classes, doesn’t want to join any orgs. If we ask her why, answer is : i dont want to. She doesn’t want to play any sports either but complains she wants to lose weight. We trued therapy and multiple tests , all came back normal. How do you motivate a teen to be more engaged or interested in things? If you ask her what she’s interested in: nothing. All she wants to do is: travel, shopping, tiktok. I put screentime on her phone recently to limit her time online.

What was her childhood like? Did she have activities and join things? My teen has some ADHD-related motivation challenges, but they still do all the activities we started when they were young. They underperform in some things relative to their potential, but don't just want to do nothing.

[Anonymous]

They can find ways around screentime. There are a million tricks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs a job

It doesn’t matter what the job is baby sitting dog walking fast food

Stop paying for things
No she dies not need the phone for safety she can have a phone without paces to TikTok

This is your fault why is she shopping?

Traveling WTH ? No

NP here.

I don’t agree with you. My kids need their phones for safety. I mean, if there’s a shooting or a fire at school then I need to immediately know about it so I can come get them.

It really is a safety need for kids to have their phones.

Op here. Exactly. It also allows me to track her and know where she’s at or if she’s on a bus to know how long it will take her to get home

Omg. If there is a shooting or a fire at school, you aren’t going to “immediately come get them.” Kids don’t need phones for safety at school. That is a myth born out of anxiety that has hindered education greatly.

NP. So if there’s a shooting at your kid’s school you wouldn’t even attempt to immediately go get them?

Your kid texting you that there is a shooting or fire, or whatever is not going to make them any safer. The police will be there before you and the space will need to be secured. You can’t just “go get them.” Sure, show up and wait, but you would be notified to come do this without or without your kid having a phone.

You are wrong. It can absolutely make them safer. If they are hurt, they can text their location. They can call 911. They can communicate with parents/authorities about situation inside the building and get directions on how to get to safety. Having a communication device ALWAYS makes a person safer, in absolutely any scenario.

This is so dumb as far as reasoning bc every other kid has their phone. There is no lacking of phones to use in a real emergency

What’s dumb is to teach your kid to rely on every other kid’s phones. Seriously?

I am an adult, and if I find myself in a middle of fire/mass shooting or any other kind of emergency, I would be very hesitant to share my phone with anyone. Especially strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dd will be turning 16 in a month, she’s in 11th grade. She doesn’t want to do any extracurricular, doesnt want to take any AP classes, doesn’t want to join any orgs. If we ask her why, answer is : i dont want to. She doesn’t want to play any sports either but complains she wants to lose weight. We trued therapy and multiple tests , all came back normal. How do you motivate a teen to be more engaged or interested in things? If you ask her what she’s interested in: nothing. All she wants to do is: travel, shopping, tiktok. I put screentime on her phone recently to limit her time online.

Just going off of the losing weight. I would definitely convince if not, make her find something fitness wise. I am a big believer now that movement does alot to the soul in this case the brain as well.
My DD has been working with Adriana at Neural Movement for a year and half. Complete change in not just her body wise but at home. Gave her the convince not only to lose weight but also motivation of that feel good do good phrase. She has a part time now and recently completed and finally dismissed out of an alternative school. I know you said your DD doesn’t have anything and test came back normal but finding and having a gate way of not a school resource but a reach to do something for herself and actually doing it. And sometimes still holding her hand and making/assisting her to do it for the better at her age is what the hard part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dd will be turning 16 in a month, she’s in 11th grade. She doesn’t want to do any extracurricular, doesnt want to take any AP classes, doesn’t want to join any orgs. If we ask her why, answer is : i dont want to. She doesn’t want to play any sports either but complains she wants to lose weight. We trued therapy and multiple tests , all came back normal. How do you motivate a teen to be more engaged or interested in things? If you ask her what she’s interested in: nothing. All she wants to do is: travel, shopping, tiktok. I put screentime on her phone recently to limit her time online.

Just going off of the losing weight. I would definitely convince if not, make her find something fitness wise. I am a big believer now that movement does alot to the soul in this case the brain as well.
My DD has been working with Adriana at Neural Movement for a year and half. Complete change in not just her body wise but at home. Gave her the convince not only to lose weight but also motivation of that feel good do good phrase. She has a part time now and recently completed and finally dismissed out of an alternative school. I know you said your DD doesn’t have anything and test came back normal but finding and having a gate way of not a school resource but a reach to do something for herself and actually doing it. And sometimes still holding her hand and making/assisting her to do it for the better at her age is what the hard part.

Just wanted to add she just her personal trainer for a fitness industry that works on connecting brain to movement.