Senior in college has never dated

[Anonymous]

This is interesting. I started a similar thread about my son (a little older than your daughter but not a lot older) back in 2020 and everyone insisted he was gay and ridiculed me for not recognizing it. Why would that be the go-to assumption for a male and not female?

In that case, it turned out shortly after I started the thread he had embarked on a serious relationship. So yes, not gay at all. But she moved across the country later. Heard from a friend of his he may have been more serious than she was. Then he developed an autoimmune disease and other medical problems which have upended his life and nothing seems to be going on in this regard.

[Anonymous]

Same as a couple PPs - I masked when younger, was a people pleaser, socially anxious to some degree. I wish also I could go back and just be proud to be me. Wish I could’ve repatriated myself much earlier. But finally realizing all this in the last decade (late 40s now). Anyway, didn’t date in HS or college but did have hook ups in college. Dated in grad school and after. But ended up marrying a guy I was set up with, after dating a couple of yrs.
Happy now with DH and our kids. But if I could go back I would’ve dated in college- my best guy friend was interested but I was too young/naive/romantically idealist to open my mind and heart to the possibility. I wish someone could/would have given me some guidance and unsolicited advice.

As such, I have gently encouraged my HS junior DD to date…if she wants to, not turn down opportunities, not make arbitrary rules for herself, keep an open mind. I told her being friends first could be really lovely so don’t make the mistake I did by saying no just because you’re already friends. Trying to gradually tell her the realities of finding a mate… it’s not a rom-com, it may not be love at first sight, the honeymoon phase is not predictive of long term happiness.

OP- it’s definitely not too late for your DD, but I understand your concern. It doesn’t get easier to meet lots of men after schooling. Maybe try to have a heart to heart and see what might be getting in the way. Or have a therapist help. I would have appreciated my mother doing this at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same as a couple PPs - I masked when younger, was a people pleaser, socially anxious to some degree. I wish also I could go back and just be proud to be me. Wish I could’ve repatriated myself much earlier. But finally realizing all this in the last decade (late 40s now). Anyway, didn’t date in HS or college but did have hook ups in college. Dated in grad school and after. But ended up marrying a guy I was set up with, after dating a couple of yrs.
Happy now with DH and our kids. But if I could go back I would’ve dated in college- my best guy friend was interested but I was too young/naive/romantically idealist to open my mind and heart to the possibility. I wish someone could/would have given me some guidance and unsolicited advice.

As such, I have gently encouraged my HS junior DD to date…if she wants to, not turn down opportunities, not make arbitrary rules for herself, keep an open mind. I told her being friends first could be really lovely so don’t make the mistake I did by saying no just because you’re already friends. Trying to gradually tell her the realities of finding a mate… it’s not a rom-com, it may not be love at first sight, the honeymoon phase is not predictive of long term happiness.

OP- it’s definitely not too late for your DD, but I understand your concern. It doesn’t get easier to meet lots of men after schooling. Maybe try to have a heart to heart and see what might be getting in the way. Or have a therapist help. I would have appreciated my mother doing this at that age.

+1 very thoughtful post. I struggled a ton with self-esteem / undiagnosed anxiety / some other emotional stuff post-college and it kept me from putting myself out there, trusting myself, approaching relationships with anything other than dread and fear etc. I would definitely have benefited from therapy and building out more strong friendships to boost confidence and navigate the dating waters safely then.

I got a lot of pressure to date from parents and family but it didn’t address the underlying issues. I came from a family where most people married their high school sweetheart, so they really had no understanding of how different things are now. Those outside-the-family female friendships became really key to my growth & being able to talk openly with others about how to navigate dating: communicating about sex, figuring out what you like about people, letting someone down, etc.