"The trouble is with men's sperm" - NYTimes headline

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The 20 year old Mexican who got pregnant and moved in with the father's family while his mom took care of their child probably had a quasi mother -in -law who was 45 or younger. In the typical UMC family today, the grandparents are 65 plus. It's a lot easier to care for young kids when you are 45. It's a different story in your mid 60s or 70s, especially after the child can walk.

I disagree completely. When my parents retired they had sooooo much more time to spend with my kids. It was like night and day. A 45 year old grandma is still working.

I think it's best to have kids right when your parents retire. Our parents were just as energetic in their 60s as they were at 45. After 80 is when things go south.

I think I agree. We’re approaching retirement with DCs in or finishing up college. If they should have kids early (< 25), we’d be in our early-to-mid 60s with time, money, and energy to spend. Don’t want them to rush into marriage or parenthood but we won’t be gloomsdayers if it happens.

[Anonymous]

Those falling for this RWNJ pronatalist fearmongering are a bunch of rubes.

[Anonymous]

Men should freeze their sperm before age 25 if they can afford it. It’s better to use frozen sperm than than try to get pregnant naturally when you are becoming a dad at age 35-40. Your kids will have a lower risk of having a genetic disease.

[Anonymous]

It's being done on purpose to curb population growth among certain demographics.

the more you know....

[Anonymous]

Most of the people I know in their 20s have no interest in having kids at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's being done on purpose to curb population growth among certain demographics.

the more you know....

wut

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I think it is a combo of people delaying having kids until older and people being overweight. So many women have pcos now, which makes having children a lot more challenging. Pcos is correlated with being overweight. It is a bit of a which came first, chicken or the egg- but never the less, most women are not at a heathy weight which impacts fertility.

PCOS causes weight gain.

i have pcos and am 120 lbs.... this is like the drs who were surprised i have gestational diabetes while thin. didn't meet my spouse until 34 and needed fertility treatment (iui for first kid and ivf for 2nd) but frankly likely would've needed iui at a younger age anyway as i don't ovulate. fortunately had the means to freeze eggs at 33... would've loved to meet a guy much earlier but realistically would've had a hard time starting a family when making 20k a year as a phd student for most of my 20s. i'm very good at living frugally but 20k can only go so far- hard to pay childcare plus rent on that. this forum neglects to mention that many women spend their 20s in school. nearly all my close friends have a phd or md so even the ones who met their partners early didn't have kids until around 30. we're not all tradwives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the people I know in their 20s have no interest in having kids at all.

+1. There is no cultural incentive to have kids young. And telling people they should just have a SAHP and live inexpensively, no, it’s notoriously difficult to get a good job after time off as a parent. Of course people on DCUM will have anecdotal experience that they made it work, but it’s just not what everyone wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I think it is a combo of people delaying having kids until older and people being overweight. So many women have pcos now, which makes having children a lot more challenging. Pcos is correlated with being overweight. It is a bit of a which came first, chicken or the egg- but never the less, most women are not at a heathy weight which impacts fertility.

PCOS causes weight gain.

And weight gain causes hormone imbalances, such as pcos. They exacerbate each other. I don’t think the jury is out on which came first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the people I know in their 20s have no interest in having kids at all.

+1. There is no cultural incentive to have kids young. And telling people they should just have a SAHP and live inexpensively, no, it’s notoriously difficult to get a good job after time off as a parent. Of course people on DCUM will have anecdotal experience that they made it work, but it’s just not what everyone wants to do.

It also promotes inequity between men and women which in turn creates more abusive households. It is like we forgot the horrible effects of having a SAHM. Yes, there are SAHDs, but those are rare.

Does abuse happen all the time? Of course not. But if the guy is shouldering all the stress of working and bringing home money and the woman can’t spend money without asking him for some, it creates a huge power gap between the couple. And that in turn generates more abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I feel like everyone is trying a little too hard to avoid the true answer to the infertility issues. Have children when you are younger. Even the issues highlighted in this article, and thank you to the author for highlighting the misogynistic tenor of infertility (it's NOT always the woman's fault!), many of which can be avoided by not waiting until your junk is ancient.

I get it, it's hugely inconvenient, you aren't as rich as you imagine you may be in your 30s/40s, you want to party and travel, etc.

I fully respect the choice to be child-free. But if you think you want kids, find a spouse and get on it. Don't spend another twenty years dancing around the reasons for infertility or fertility challenges, we know the answer. Have kids when you are younger!


Link for those of you with accounts, I don't know how to gift an article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/12/opinion/freeze-sperm-infertility-chemicals.html

I had a baby at 32. Sorry I didn’t live a dcum perfect life where I met my soul mate in college, got engaged at 25-26 and then had a baby before 30. I had no issues getting pregnant and I have a healthy child.

Where is the father?

Wow that’s quite a leap from not getting married at 25 to “your baby must not have a father”. You people are insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those falling for this RWNJ pronatalist fearmongering are a bunch of rubes.

Im the OP and I'm 100% not a pronatalist fearmonger. I'm just so tired of the emotional energy, scientific research bandwidth, and money spent on infertility. It could all be so easily fixed with a small shift in cultural norms. Why are families putting off children until their 40s? and then surprised that they have to spend $100K and buy biological material to have children?

I'm also horrified by the practice of surrogacy and buying eggs. The commodification of biological material is a very slippery slope and one our society should be very wary of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I feel like everyone is trying a little too hard to avoid the true answer to the infertility issues. Have children when you are younger. Even the issues highlighted in this article, and thank you to the author for highlighting the misogynistic tenor of infertility (it's NOT always the woman's fault!), many of which can be avoided by not waiting until your junk is ancient.

I get it, it's hugely inconvenient, you aren't as rich as you imagine you may be in your 30s/40s, you want to party and travel, etc.

I fully respect the choice to be child-free. But if you think you want kids, find a spouse and get on it. Don't spend another twenty years dancing around the reasons for infertility or fertility challenges, we know the answer. Have kids when you are younger!


Link for those of you with accounts, I don't know how to gift an article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/12/opinion/freeze-sperm-infertility-chemicals.html

Yea I am glad I DH and I had our 5 children while we were on our 20s-early 30s.

[Anonymous]

DH had a varicocele. Infertile until it was discovered and then fixed (a short outpatient surgery. Back at work the next day.). After, able to have kids. Our MD told us about half of infertility cases have a male factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want people to have babies in their twenties, make college and daycare free and get the housing market sorted out so that most young people can spend less than 50% of their income just on shelter within commuting distance. Until then, having a baby while young is something for the very poor and very wealthy outside of very conservative religious backgrounds.

THIS THIS THIS. America is a joke.