"The trouble is with men's sperm" - NYTimes headline

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daycare is optional if one parent makes a good (enough) salary and has health insurance. The other parent can stay home.

Buying a house is optional. Rent an apartment (we lived in a one-bedroom until our first was one) instead of buying a house. Only have one car. Don't buy all the fancy baby stuff.

If you don't want to do this, don't. Roll the dice and wait until you are older.

But don't complain that you can't afford to have a child. You just don't want to live cheaply or slightly uncomfortably.

Why don't you mind your own f****** business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those falling for this RWNJ pronatalist fearmongering are a bunch of rubes.

No kidding.

It's a combination of racist fears of replacement theory

And the diehard capitalists who are terrified of the world in which we don't have a ready supply of little consumers and worker bees

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want people to have babies in their twenties, make college and daycare free and get the housing market sorted out so that most young people can spend less than 50% of their income just on shelter within commuting distance. Until then, having a baby while young is something for the very poor and very wealthy outside of very conservative religious backgrounds.

Most people are done with undergrad by 22 and by 25, at least one of the spouse is working in a professional full time job with health insurance etc.

I want you to go look at the entry level job market and see just how hard it is to get a job right now

Yeah you have no idea what the job market is like for 25-year-olds these days

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want people to have babies in their twenties, make college and daycare free and get the housing market sorted out so that most young people can spend less than 50% of their income just on shelter within commuting distance. Until then, having a baby while young is something for the very poor and very wealthy outside of very conservative religious backgrounds.

Most people are done with undergrad by 22 and by 25, at least one of the spouse is working in a professional full time job with health insurance etc.

I want you to go look at the entry level job market and see just how hard it is to get a job right now

Yeah you have no idea what the job market is like for 25-year-olds these days

DP - I’m not pushing for people to have a baby at 24-25 (unless they want to!) But I do think younger people, both men and women, need to start dating with intent to be in a committed relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage, while they are, yes, still in college. If they don’t find someone, at least they’ve had actual relationship experience, not just dating and hookups. That is important too.

I think the goal really should be marriage in your mid 20s and a first baby before you turn 30. I didn’t quite make this personally, I was married at 25 but didn’t have my first kid until 31 due to … unexplained infertility. Now imagine if I had married at 30, we spent 2-3 years doing whatever, then started getting serious about having kids at 33, and found out about infertility then. Now you’re getting close to the age of decreased fertility at 35. Now you might not be able to wait it out or do less invasive/less expensive things like progesterone supplementation or traditional IUI. Everything that doesn’t work takes months, and you lose time, and maybe don’t have the family size that you want, or it costs much more money than it might have 5 years earlier and affects your health and wellness too.

[Anonymous]

The birth rate is dropping all over the world. Lots of people are choosing to forgo parenthood completely. Telling folks they should have the children they don't want to have at all, sooner? Yeah, that's gonna work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want people to have babies in their twenties, make college and daycare free and get the housing market sorted out so that most young people can spend less than 50% of their income just on shelter within commuting distance. Until then, having a baby while young is something for the very poor and very wealthy outside of very conservative religious backgrounds.

Most people are done with undergrad by 22 and by 25, at least one of the spouse is working in a professional full time job with health insurance etc.

I want you to go look at the entry level job market and see just how hard it is to get a job right now

Yeah you have no idea what the job market is like for 25-year-olds these days

DP - I’m not pushing for people to have a baby at 24-25 (unless they want to!) But I do think younger people, both men and women, need to start dating with intent to be in a committed relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage, while they are, yes, still in college. If they don’t find someone, at least they’ve had actual relationship experience, not just dating and hookups. That is important too.

I think the goal really should be marriage in your mid 20s and a first baby before you turn 30. I didn’t quite make this personally, I was married at 25 but didn’t have my first kid until 31 due to … unexplained infertility. Now imagine if I had married at 30, we spent 2-3 years doing whatever, then started getting serious about having kids at 33, and found out about infertility then. Now you’re getting close to the age of decreased fertility at 35. Now you might not be able to wait it out or do less invasive/less expensive things like progesterone supplementation or traditional IUI. Everything that doesn’t work takes months, and you lose time, and maybe don’t have the family size that you want, or it costs much more money than it might have 5 years earlier and affects your health and wellness too.

I think you need to stop obsessing over how to micromanage people's lives. Like take some really deep breaths and go for a walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want people to have babies in their twenties, make college and daycare free and get the housing market sorted out so that most young people can spend less than 50% of their income just on shelter within commuting distance. Until then, having a baby while young is something for the very poor and very wealthy outside of very conservative religious backgrounds.

Most people are done with undergrad by 22 and by 25, at least one of the spouse is working in a professional full time job with health insurance etc.

I want you to go look at the entry level job market and see just how hard it is to get a job right now

Yeah you have no idea what the job market is like for 25-year-olds these days

DP - I’m not pushing for people to have a baby at 24-25 (unless they want to!) But I do think younger people, both men and women, need to start dating with intent to be in a committed relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage, while they are, yes, still in college. If they don’t find someone, at least they’ve had actual relationship experience, not just dating and hookups. That is important too.

I think the goal really should be marriage in your mid 20s and a first baby before you turn 30. I didn’t quite make this personally, I was married at 25 but didn’t have my first kid until 31 due to … unexplained infertility. Now imagine if I had married at 30, we spent 2-3 years doing whatever, then started getting serious about having kids at 33, and found out about infertility then. Now you’re getting close to the age of decreased fertility at 35. Now you might not be able to wait it out or do less invasive/less expensive things like progesterone supplementation or traditional IUI. Everything that doesn’t work takes months, and you lose time, and maybe don’t have the family size that you want, or it costs much more money than it might have 5 years earlier and affects your health and wellness too.

And yet some other people don't have that same goal. Crazy how that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those falling for this RWNJ pronatalist fearmongering are a bunch of rubes.

+1

Brunch granny is way excited to pass on her stupid genes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want people to have babies in their twenties, make college and daycare free and get the housing market sorted out so that most young people can spend less than 50% of their income just on shelter within commuting distance. Until then, having a baby while young is something for the very poor and very wealthy outside of very conservative religious backgrounds.

Most people are done with undergrad by 22 and by 25, at least one of the spouse is working in a professional full time job with health insurance etc.

I want you to go look at the entry level job market and see just how hard it is to get a job right now

Yeah you have no idea what the job market is like for 25-year-olds these days

DP - I’m not pushing for people to have a baby at 24-25 (unless they want to!) But I do think younger people, both men and women, need to start dating with intent to be in a committed relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage, while they are, yes, still in college. If they don’t find someone, at least they’ve had actual relationship experience, not just dating and hookups. That is important too.

I think the goal really should be marriage in your mid 20s and a first baby before you turn 30. I didn’t quite make this personally, I was married at 25 but didn’t have my first kid until 31 due to … unexplained infertility. Now imagine if I had married at 30, we spent 2-3 years doing whatever, then started getting serious about having kids at 33, and found out about infertility then. Now you’re getting close to the age of decreased fertility at 35. Now you might not be able to wait it out or do less invasive/less expensive things like progesterone supplementation or traditional IUI. Everything that doesn’t work takes months, and you lose time, and maybe don’t have the family size that you want, or it costs much more money than it might have 5 years earlier and affects your health and wellness too.

And yet some other people don't have that same goal. Crazy how that works.

Judgmental c.nts want to dictate how everyone else must live.

[Anonymous]

I got pregnant with my first at 28 and lost my whole friend group who was still focused on world travel and bar crawls. It's very socially isolating. My SIL waited until her late 30s to even think about kids and now it's too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want people to have babies in their twenties, make college and daycare free and get the housing market sorted out so that most young people can spend less than 50% of their income just on shelter within commuting distance. Until then, having a baby while young is something for the very poor and very wealthy outside of very conservative religious backgrounds.

Most people are done with undergrad by 22 and by 25, at least one of the spouse is working in a professional full time job with health insurance etc.

I want you to go look at the entry level job market and see just how hard it is to get a job right now

Yeah you have no idea what the job market is like for 25-year-olds these days

DP - I’m not pushing for people to have a baby at 24-25 (unless they want to!) But I do think younger people, both men and women, need to start dating with intent to be in a committed relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage, while they are, yes, still in college. If they don’t find someone, at least they’ve had actual relationship experience, not just dating and hookups. That is important too.

I think the goal really should be marriage in your mid 20s and a first baby before you turn 30. I didn’t quite make this personally, I was married at 25 but didn’t have my first kid until 31 due to … unexplained infertility. Now imagine if I had married at 30, we spent 2-3 years doing whatever, then started getting serious about having kids at 33, and found out about infertility then. Now you’re getting close to the age of decreased fertility at 35. Now you might not be able to wait it out or do less invasive/less expensive things like progesterone supplementation or traditional IUI. Everything that doesn’t work takes months, and you lose time, and maybe don’t have the family size that you want, or it costs much more money than it might have 5 years earlier and affects your health and wellness too.

And yet some other people don't have that same goal. Crazy how that works.

Sure, don’t have kids at all and live a child free life, or just have 1, or do whatever you want. But you can’t be surprised and upset if you have to go down the route of expensive and invasive fertility treatments in your mid-late 30s or if you end up with a smaller family size than you originally imagined.

And it’s not just a family size issue, earlier marriage sets you up for more financial security early on, regardless of if/when kids come into the picture. This focus on casual dating and you have to be financially secure before marriage is hurting middle class people in their 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want people to have babies in their twenties, make college and daycare free and get the housing market sorted out so that most young people can spend less than 50% of their income just on shelter within commuting distance. Until then, having a baby while young is something for the very poor and very wealthy outside of very conservative religious backgrounds.

Most people are done with undergrad by 22 and by 25, at least one of the spouse is working in a professional full time job with health insurance etc.

I want you to go look at the entry level job market and see just how hard it is to get a job right now

Yeah you have no idea what the job market is like for 25-year-olds these days

DP - I’m not pushing for people to have a baby at 24-25 (unless they want to!) But I do think younger people, both men and women, need to start dating with intent to be in a committed relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage, while they are, yes, still in college. If they don’t find someone, at least they’ve had actual relationship experience, not just dating and hookups. That is important too.

I think the goal really should be marriage in your mid 20s and a first baby before you turn 30. I didn’t quite make this personally, I was married at 25 but didn’t have my first kid until 31 due to … unexplained infertility. Now imagine if I had married at 30, we spent 2-3 years doing whatever, then started getting serious about having kids at 33, and found out about infertility then. Now you’re getting close to the age of decreased fertility at 35. Now you might not be able to wait it out or do less invasive/less expensive things like progesterone supplementation or traditional IUI. Everything that doesn’t work takes months, and you lose time, and maybe don’t have the family size that you want, or it costs much more money than it might have 5 years earlier and affects your health and wellness too.

And yet some other people don't have that same goal. Crazy how that works.

Sure, don’t have kids at all and live a child free life, or just have 1, or do whatever you want. But you can’t be surprised and upset if you have to go down the route of expensive and invasive fertility treatments in your mid-late 30s or if you end up with a smaller family size than you originally imagined.

And it’s not just a family size issue, earlier marriage sets you up for more financial security early on, regardless of if/when kids come into the picture. This focus on casual dating and you have to be financially secure before marriage is hurting middle class people in their 20s.

None of the people you're criticizing are surprised or upset. It only seems to be OTHER women (and way too many men) that are upset about women waiting to have children. It's none of your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I feel like everyone is trying a little too hard to avoid the true answer to the infertility issues. Have children when you are younger. Even the issues highlighted in this article, and thank you to the author for highlighting the misogynistic tenor of infertility (it's NOT always the woman's fault!), many of which can be avoided by not waiting until your junk is ancient.

I get it, it's hugely inconvenient, you aren't as rich as you imagine you may be in your 30s/40s, you want to party and travel, etc.

I fully respect the choice to be child-free. But if you think you want kids, find a spouse and get on it. Don't spend another twenty years dancing around the reasons for infertility or fertility challenges, we know the answer. Have kids when you are younger!


Link for those of you with accounts, I don't know how to gift an article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/12/opinion/freeze-sperm-infertility-chemicals.html

Yea I am glad I DH and I had our 5 children while we were on our 20s-early 30s.

Again, OP here, and NO ONE should be having 5 children. Absolutely the worst possible thing you can do for the planet and our species.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want people to have babies in their twenties, make college and daycare free and get the housing market sorted out so that most young people can spend less than 50% of their income just on shelter within commuting distance. Until then, having a baby while young is something for the very poor and very wealthy outside of very conservative religious backgrounds.

Most people are done with undergrad by 22 and by 25, at least one of the spouse is working in a professional full time job with health insurance etc.

I want you to go look at the entry level job market and see just how hard it is to get a job right now

Yeah you have no idea what the job market is like for 25-year-olds these days

DP - I’m not pushing for people to have a baby at 24-25 (unless they want to!) But I do think younger people, both men and women, need to start dating with intent to be in a committed relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage, while they are, yes, still in college. If they don’t find someone, at least they’ve had actual relationship experience, not just dating and hookups. That is important too.

I think the goal really should be marriage in your mid 20s and a first baby before you turn 30. I didn’t quite make this personally, I was married at 25 but didn’t have my first kid until 31 due to … unexplained infertility. Now imagine if I had married at 30, we spent 2-3 years doing whatever, then started getting serious about having kids at 33, and found out about infertility then. Now you’re getting close to the age of decreased fertility at 35. Now you might not be able to wait it out or do less invasive/less expensive things like progesterone supplementation or traditional IUI. Everything that doesn’t work takes months, and you lose time, and maybe don’t have the family size that you want, or it costs much more money than it might have 5 years earlier and affects your health and wellness too.

And yet some other people don't have that same goal. Crazy how that works.

Sure, don’t have kids at all and live a child free life, or just have 1, or do whatever you want. But you can’t be surprised and upset if you have to go down the route of expensive and invasive fertility treatments in your mid-late 30s or if you end up with a smaller family size than you originally imagined.

And it’s not just a family size issue, earlier marriage sets you up for more financial security early on, regardless of if/when kids come into the picture. This focus on casual dating and you have to be financially secure before marriage is hurting middle class people in their 20s.

I don't think it's financial security, I think people are too afraid of their fun life stopping when kids come. My cousin got married at 34 and told me she wasn't ready for kids because she still had a lot of travel destinations on her bucket list, and she loved sleeping in and brunch on weekends. As if those things could never happen again! The little kid years go by fast but no one tells people that, they make it sound like a jail sentence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want people to have babies in their twenties, make college and daycare free and get the housing market sorted out so that most young people can spend less than 50% of their income just on shelter within commuting distance. Until then, having a baby while young is something for the very poor and very wealthy outside of very conservative religious backgrounds.

Most people are done with undergrad by 22 and by 25, at least one of the spouse is working in a professional full time job with health insurance etc.

I want you to go look at the entry level job market and see just how hard it is to get a job right now

Yeah you have no idea what the job market is like for 25-year-olds these days

DP - I’m not pushing for people to have a baby at 24-25 (unless they want to!) But I do think younger people, both men and women, need to start dating with intent to be in a committed relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage, while they are, yes, still in college. If they don’t find someone, at least they’ve had actual relationship experience, not just dating and hookups. That is important too.

I think the goal really should be marriage in your mid 20s and a first baby before you turn 30. I didn’t quite make this personally, I was married at 25 but didn’t have my first kid until 31 due to … unexplained infertility. Now imagine if I had married at 30, we spent 2-3 years doing whatever, then started getting serious about having kids at 33, and found out about infertility then. Now you’re getting close to the age of decreased fertility at 35. Now you might not be able to wait it out or do less invasive/less expensive things like progesterone supplementation or traditional IUI. Everything that doesn’t work takes months, and you lose time, and maybe don’t have the family size that you want, or it costs much more money than it might have 5 years earlier and affects your health and wellness too.

And yet some other people don't have that same goal. Crazy how that works.

Sure, don’t have kids at all and live a child free life, or just have 1, or do whatever you want. But you can’t be surprised and upset if you have to go down the route of expensive and invasive fertility treatments in your mid-late 30s or if you end up with a smaller family size than you originally imagined.

And it’s not just a family size issue, earlier marriage sets you up for more financial security early on, regardless of if/when kids come into the picture. This focus on casual dating and you have to be financially secure before marriage is hurting middle class people in their 20s.

None of the people you're criticizing are surprised or upset. It only seems to be OTHER women (and way too many men) that are upset about women waiting to have children. It's none of your business.

I will also mention, I was the second one in my group to get married, at 26. I love being married and it did definitely lead to wealth for us. But I'm not going to judge someone else for living their life how they wanted. And I know a few of my friends are VERY happy they didn't settle down with their early/mid 20s bfs.