"The trouble is with men's sperm" - NYTimes headline

[Anonymous]

If I had “found a spouse” when I was 25, I suppose I would have stayed with the guy who slowly but surely revealed that he was a liar, a mental abuser, and someone who incrementally put pressure on me to do things I didn’t want to do sexually. I finally left when he threw a glass at me and it smashed on the wall behind me. I guess I should have stayed with him in order to “find a spouse and get to it,” instead of waiting for the right person to marry and have kids with at 32.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I had “found a spouse” when I was 25, I suppose I would have stayed with the guy who slowly but surely revealed that he was a liar, a mental abuser, and someone who incrementally put pressure on me to do things I didn’t want to do sexually. I finally left when he threw a glass at me and it smashed on the wall behind me. I guess I should have stayed with him in order to “find a spouse and get to it,” instead of waiting for the right person to marry and have kids with at 32.

But the 50-something on DCUM wouldn’t hear the complaints you haven’t made so wouldn’t it be worth it?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm just so sick of people encountering infertility in their late 30s and 40s with SURPRISE. This should not be a surprise to ANYONE. Or then complaining about the cost of fertility treatments.

It just seems the absolute height of hubris. That you, and your body, are somehow immune to basic biological processes, that your fertility should wait on YOU and your timeline.

Wow, you are unhinged. I know too many women who got pregnant easily past 35.

You can get pregnant after 35 but the eggs are older and fewer and more prone to genetic abnormalities. Once women get to their mid-thirties fertility quickly starts to decline. Women need to know the facts before they make decisions.

You'd have to be loving under a rock to not know this fact. Women are beaten over the head with this message.

Right. clearly a man wrote the comment you responded to. As women, we know this because it’s been told to us literally constantly. But also, the original comment that man responded to was just saying they know tons of women that got pregnant after 35…which is also the case. Actually in this area I know more people who had babies after 35 than I do before 35. I had a baby before and after-both fine and both were conceived easily.

Worse are the responders who say “I did it with no problem or all I know is older women who got pregnant.” That doesn’t change the facts that fertility rates drop drastically around 35 years old and the eggs have a higher percent of defects the older they are. Every women should know this going into adulthood so she can make informed decisions.

This is not true. Please learn some updated facts.

Nothing has changed in the science. Women are born with a set amount of eggs. The numbers and quality of eggs decline with age.

How has that changed?

A significant amount has changed in the science. There’s no fertility “cliff” at 35, male-factor infertility is now understood to be at least 50% of all cases, it’s understood that infant mortality (not can you get pregnant but does the human child who is born survive…) is higher in younger parents…

I know they check men too when there’s a fertility problem. If the couple doesn’t understand this the doctor would explain.

I’m not surprised that under 20 years old have the highest infant mortality rate. Advanced maternal age has the second highest mortality rate.

The NIH writes ….

“ that children born to young and old mothers have worse adult health, are shorter, and have higher mortality than those born to mothers aged 25– 34 years.”.

These statistics get ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding young men who want to get married at 25. They are few and far between.

They are plentiful. They are just boring and unattractive.

And financially unstable, and potentially dangerous.

It’s a tough needle to thread because even if they aren’t married, many of the good ones are tied up in LTR that lead to marriage. By age 30 a lot of the more marriage/family minded men are off the market, even if not yet married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just so sick of people encountering infertility in their late 30s and 40s with SURPRISE. This should not be a surprise to ANYONE. Or then complaining about the cost of fertility treatments.

It just seems the absolute height of hubris. That you, and your body, are somehow immune to basic biological processes, that your fertility should wait on YOU and your timeline.

Wow, you are unhinged. I know too many women who got pregnant easily past 35.

You can get pregnant after 35 but the eggs are older and fewer and more prone to genetic abnormalities. Once women get to their mid-thirties fertility quickly starts to decline. Women need to know the facts before they make decisions.

You'd have to be loving under a rock to not know this fact. Women are beaten over the head with this message.

Right. clearly a man wrote the comment you responded to. As women, we know this because it’s been told to us literally constantly. But also, the original comment that man responded to was just saying they know tons of women that got pregnant after 35…which is also the case. Actually in this area I know more people who had babies after 35 than I do before 35. I had a baby before and after-both fine and both were conceived easily.

Worse are the responders who say “I did it with no problem or all I know is older women who got pregnant.” That doesn’t change the facts that fertility rates drop drastically around 35 years old and the eggs have a higher percent of defects the older they are. Every women should know this going into adulthood so she can make informed decisions.

Did you know that the data you're relying on is from France in the 1800s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I feel like everyone is trying a little too hard to avoid the true answer to the infertility issues. Have children when you are younger. Even the issues highlighted in this article, and thank you to the author for highlighting the misogynistic tenor of infertility (it's NOT always the woman's fault!), many of which can be avoided by not waiting until your junk is ancient.

I get it, it's hugely inconvenient, you aren't as rich as you imagine you may be in your 30s/40s, you want to party and travel, etc.

I fully respect the choice to be child-free. But if you think you want kids, find a spouse and get on it. Don't spend another twenty years dancing around the reasons for infertility or fertility challenges, we know the answer. Have kids when you are younger!


Link for those of you with accounts, I don't know how to gift an article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/12/opinion/freeze-sperm-infertility-chemicals.html

Oh yes, it's so easy. Just go find a spouse and procreate. You sound incredibly young and naive and flat out stupid.

I'm almost 50.

I remember vividly when my much older
Coworker told me, in 2001, that dating in DC was a sh$$ show and I'd never be able to find a husband. Well, she came to my wedding in 2005.

Not naive, not young, not stupid.

It may not be easy, but it's not that hard either. It's a new, arbitrary and unhelpful cultural standard to wait to get married until your mid to late 30s. Couples are creating a fertility problem that doesn't need to exist.

Have children or not, it's no one's business but your own.

But please don't complain about infertility issues if younwaited until you and your partner have no viable biological material left!

Yeah, you're stupid, grandma..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I had “found a spouse” when I was 25, I suppose I would have stayed with the guy who slowly but surely revealed that he was a liar, a mental abuser, and someone who incrementally put pressure on me to do things I didn’t want to do sexually. I finally left when he threw a glass at me and it smashed on the wall behind me. I guess I should have stayed with him in order to “find a spouse and get to it,” instead of waiting for the right person to marry and have kids with at 32.

Right? I also would have married an abuser if I found a spouse in my early 20s. No, I had to take a few years to recover, then met my husband when I was 33. Had my kids very easily with no fertility issues at 36 and 39. Very happy with the way things turned out.

I'm also almost 50, just like OP. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I'm still confused what choices you think women are making wrong? I can think of at least 5 women I know who reaches 39 and became a smbc via ivf because they stillcouldn't find a partner..nearly every couple I know, myself included, who struggled with infertility after 35 is because they met late in life. Was not not looking for a partner in my 20s. I traveled in my early 30s because I had time and money and was bored but not because i preferred it to having kids, I just didn't meet my partner until 34. I know at least 7 women who froze eggs because single...this isn't a surprise to any of us, we just couldn't find partners. I know multiple 40+ year old women who are still single and wish they could've found a partner to have kids

I don’t think most are making poor choices, things happen that we don’t plan and plans don’t work out. Some men and women can’t have babies at all. But women who choose to wait until they’re 40+ have to know they’re taking a much higher risk that it won’t happen. We see older women with babies but we don’t see the women who wasn’t as lucky.

So are men. Why is it women you’re concerned with?

Somehow it's always the woman's fault because of the patriarchy

"The trouble is men's sperm."

Women! Make better choices! Idk I think some of these mid 30s women should start banging the 23 year old dudes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I feel like everyone is trying a little too hard to avoid the true answer to the infertility issues. Have children when you are younger. Even the issues highlighted in this article, and thank you to the author for highlighting the misogynistic tenor of infertility (it's NOT always the woman's fault!), many of which can be avoided by not waiting until your junk is ancient.

I get it, it's hugely inconvenient, you aren't as rich as you imagine you may be in your 30s/40s, you want to party and travel, etc.

I fully respect the choice to be child-free. But if you think you want kids, find a spouse and get on it. Don't spend another twenty years dancing around the reasons for infertility or fertility challenges, we know the answer. Have kids when you are younger!


Link for those of you with accounts, I don't know how to gift an article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/12/opinion/freeze-sperm-infertility-chemicals.html

Oh yes, it's so easy. Just go find a spouse and procreate. You sound incredibly young and naive and flat out stupid.

I'm almost 50.

I remember vividly when my much older
Coworker told me, in 2001, that dating in DC was a sh$$ show and I'd never be able to find a husband. Well, she came to my wedding in 2005.

Not naive, not young, not stupid.

It may not be easy, but it's not that hard either. It's a new, arbitrary and unhelpful cultural standard to wait to get married until your mid to late 30s. Couples are creating a fertility problem that doesn't need to exist.

Have children or not, it's no one's business but your own.

But please don't complain about infertility issues if younwaited until you and your partner have no viable biological material left!

Why not ovary up and say that your family ibstrad of the internet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding young men who want to get married at 25. They are few and far between.

They are plentiful. They are just boring and unattractive.

This was me. Never was popular with the ladies and considered boring by most (I owned a home at 25 in the suburbs and dislike city life) and really wanted to get married in my early/mid 20's. But I did have a good job and financial situation which helped me find a wife by late 20s.

The most physically attractive men I know irl have said flat out they don't plan on settling down until 35-40.