"The trouble is with men's sperm" - NYTimes headline

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I feel like everyone is trying a little too hard to avoid the true answer to the infertility issues. Have children when you are younger. Even the issues highlighted in this article, and thank you to the author for highlighting the misogynistic tenor of infertility (it's NOT always the woman's fault!), many of which can be avoided by not waiting until your junk is ancient.

I get it, it's hugely inconvenient, you aren't as rich as you imagine you may be in your 30s/40s, you want to party and travel, etc.

I fully respect the choice to be child-free. But if you think you want kids, find a spouse and get on it. Don't spend another twenty years dancing around the reasons for infertility or fertility challenges, we know the answer. Have kids when you are younger!


Link for those of you with accounts, I don't know how to gift an article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/12/opinion/freeze-sperm-infertility-chemicals.html

I had a baby at 32. Sorry I didn’t live a dcum perfect life where I met my soul mate in college, got engaged at 25-26 and then had a baby before 30. I had no issues getting pregnant and I have a healthy child.

+1 "Have children when you are younger"! No thanks, I wanted to be happily married before I had kid. We married at 32 and had two healthy babies without fertility issues at 34 and 38.

Stop with the false dichotomy! It's entirely possible to be happily married in your late twenties and have a baby at 30. It's also possible to be happily married for the first time in your mid thirties and have your first child in your late 30's.

I'm just so sick of the old parents claiming that there is "no way" someone who gets married earlier than they did is happy and thriving.

I'm a "older parent" and I can't only think of one couple I know in my generation that got married and had kids before 30 that is still together. And the vast majority of the rest had divorced (or broke up, in the case of the two unmarried couples I can think of) before 30. Maybe they're happy and thriving now, 10+ years on from the end of the relationship, but they sure as heck weren't for a good long time. Watching young marriages with young kids implode convinced me I was absolutely right to wait until I was in my mid-30s before having a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I feel like everyone is trying a little too hard to avoid the true answer to the infertility issues. Have children when you are younger. Even the issues highlighted in this article, and thank you to the author for highlighting the misogynistic tenor of infertility (it's NOT always the woman's fault!), many of which can be avoided by not waiting until your junk is ancient.

I get it, it's hugely inconvenient, you aren't as rich as you imagine you may be in your 30s/40s, you want to party and travel, etc.

I fully respect the choice to be child-free. But if you think you want kids, find a spouse and get on it. Don't spend another twenty years dancing around the reasons for infertility or fertility challenges, we know the answer. Have kids when you are younger!


Link for those of you with accounts, I don't know how to gift an article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/12/opinion/freeze-sperm-infertility-chemicals.html

I had a baby at 32. Sorry I didn’t live a dcum perfect life where I met my soul mate in college, got engaged at 25-26 and then had a baby before 30. I had no issues getting pregnant and I have a healthy child.

+1 "Have children when you are younger"! No thanks, I wanted to be happily married before I had kid. We married at 32 and had two healthy babies without fertility issues at 34 and 38.

Stop with the false dichotomy! It's entirely possible to be happily married in your late twenties and have a baby at 30. It's also possible to be happily married for the first time in your mid thirties and have your first child in your late 30's.

I'm just so sick of the old parents claiming that there is "no way" someone who gets married earlier than they did is happy and thriving.

I'm a "older parent" and I can't only think of one couple I know in my generation that got married and had kids before 30 that is still together. And the vast majority of the rest had divorced (or broke up, in the case of the two unmarried couples I can think of) before 30. Maybe they're happy and thriving now, 10+ years on from the end of the relationship, but they sure as heck weren't for a good long time. Watching young marriages with young kids implode convinced me I was absolutely right to wait until I was in my mid-30s before having a kid.

We know a ton! All of our friends from college who married their college bf/gf are still married except 1 (this is 10+ couples, 20 years later) as well as a ton of our friends from grad school. We were in a social group where my husband attended grad school for people at the school who were already married/had partners. We stayed in touch with most of them and all but one of them are still happily married 17+ years later.

I'm not advocating marrying the wrong person just because you hit a certain age, but when you know you know and I'm so glad I didn' have to wait. I loved being married and starting a family in my 20's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People also need to get married younger. Post college mid 20s, so like the 22-27 age range. Combining households is very financially efficient especially when neither is a high income earner. A 2 bedroom 1.5 bath apartment in the low to medium COL city where I used to live is now renting for about $1400/month. A 1 bedroom 1 bath rents for $1100/month. Get off the apps, get married, get those financial/tax benefits that come with marriage, combine households, and everyone comes out ahead and you end up on better financial footing earlier in life.

It’s incredibly daunting to get married young when the quintessential path involves spending $10k on a ring, a $40k+ wedding, buying a $700k+ home, then popping out some kids (more $$$). I can see why kids in their 20s wait. How can you afford that!

I blame consumerism and social media. People were not doing all that in the 1950s. The “bar for entry” into the idealistic instagrammable life was lower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I feel like everyone is trying a little too hard to avoid the true answer to the infertility issues. Have children when you are younger. Even the issues highlighted in this article, and thank you to the author for highlighting the misogynistic tenor of infertility (it's NOT always the woman's fault!), many of which can be avoided by not waiting until your junk is ancient.

I get it, it's hugely inconvenient, you aren't as rich as you imagine you may be in your 30s/40s, you want to party and travel, etc.

I fully respect the choice to be child-free. But if you think you want kids, find a spouse and get on it. Don't spend another twenty years dancing around the reasons for infertility or fertility challenges, we know the answer. Have kids when you are younger!


Link for those of you with accounts, I don't know how to gift an article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/12/opinion/freeze-sperm-infertility-chemicals.html

I had a baby at 32. Sorry I didn’t live a dcum perfect life where I met my soul mate in college, got engaged at 25-26 and then had a baby before 30. I had no issues getting pregnant and I have a healthy child.

+1 "Have children when you are younger"! No thanks, I wanted to be happily married before I had kid. We married at 32 and had two healthy babies without fertility issues at 34 and 38.

Stop with the false dichotomy! It's entirely possible to be happily married in your late twenties and have a baby at 30. It's also possible to be happily married for the first time in your mid thirties and have your first child in your late 30's.

I'm just so sick of the old parents claiming that there is "no way" someone who gets married earlier than they did is happy and thriving.

I'm a "older parent" and I can't only think of one couple I know in my generation that got married and had kids before 30 that is still together. And the vast majority of the rest had divorced (or broke up, in the case of the two unmarried couples I can think of) before 30. Maybe they're happy and thriving now, 10+ years on from the end of the relationship, but they sure as heck weren't for a good long time. Watching young marriages with young kids implode convinced me I was absolutely right to wait until I was in my mid-30s before having a kid.

We know a ton! All of our friends from college who married their college bf/gf are still married except 1 (this is 10+ couples, 20 years later) as well as a ton of our friends from grad school. We were in a social group where my husband attended grad school for people at the school who were already married/had partners. We stayed in touch with most of them and all but one of them are still happily married 17+ years later.

I'm not advocating marrying the wrong person just because you hit a certain age, but when you know you know and I'm so glad I didn' have to wait. I loved being married and starting a family in my 20's.

So you guys are Mormons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People also need to get married younger. Post college mid 20s, so like the 22-27 age range. Combining households is very financially efficient especially when neither is a high income earner. A 2 bedroom 1.5 bath apartment in the low to medium COL city where I used to live is now renting for about $1400/month. A 1 bedroom 1 bath rents for $1100/month. Get off the apps, get married, get those financial/tax benefits that come with marriage, combine households, and everyone comes out ahead and you end up on better financial footing earlier in life.

It’s incredibly daunting to get married young when the quintessential path involves spending $10k on a ring, a $40k+ wedding, buying a $700k+ home, then popping out some kids (more $$$). I can see why kids in their 20s wait. How can you afford that!

I blame consumerism and social media. People were not doing all that in the 1950s. The “bar for entry” into the idealistic instagrammable life was lower.

Gen Z and Covid both killed big weddings. It’s not as much of a thing anymore. You don’t need to buy a house to be married, most people keep renting until they’re in a better financial position. Which you will get to more quickly … by being married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gen Z Women will do anything to have a baby except have sex with a man.

You do realize sex with a man isn’t required to have a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I think it is a combo of people delaying having kids until older and people being overweight. So many women have pcos now, which makes having children a lot more challenging. Pcos is correlated with being overweight. It is a bit of a which came first, chicken or the egg- but never the less, most women are not at a heathy weight which impacts fertility.

PCOS causes weight gain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I feel like everyone is trying a little too hard to avoid the true answer to the infertility issues. Have children when you are younger. Even the issues highlighted in this article, and thank you to the author for highlighting the misogynistic tenor of infertility (it's NOT always the woman's fault!), many of which can be avoided by not waiting until your junk is ancient.

I get it, it's hugely inconvenient, you aren't as rich as you imagine you may be in your 30s/40s, you want to party and travel, etc.

I fully respect the choice to be child-free. But if you think you want kids, find a spouse and get on it. Don't spend another twenty years dancing around the reasons for infertility or fertility challenges, we know the answer. Have kids when you are younger!


Link for those of you with accounts, I don't know how to gift an article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/12/opinion/freeze-sperm-infertility-chemicals.html

I had a baby at 32. Sorry I didn’t live a dcum perfect life where I met my soul mate in college, got engaged at 25-26 and then had a baby before 30. I had no issues getting pregnant and I have a healthy child.

+1 "Have children when you are younger"! No thanks, I wanted to be happily married before I had kid. We married at 32 and had two healthy babies without fertility issues at 34 and 38.

Stop with the false dichotomy! It's entirely possible to be happily married in your late twenties and have a baby at 30. It's also possible to be happily married for the first time in your mid thirties and have your first child in your late 30's.

I'm just so sick of the old parents claiming that there is "no way" someone who gets married earlier than they did is happy and thriving.

I'm a "older parent" and I can't only think of one couple I know in my generation that got married and had kids before 30 that is still together. And the vast majority of the rest had divorced (or broke up, in the case of the two unmarried couples I can think of) before 30. Maybe they're happy and thriving now, 10+ years on from the end of the relationship, but they sure as heck weren't for a good long time. Watching young marriages with young kids implode convinced me I was absolutely right to wait until I was in my mid-30s before having a kid.

We know a ton! All of our friends from college who married their college bf/gf are still married except 1 (this is 10+ couples, 20 years later) as well as a ton of our friends from grad school. We were in a social group where my husband attended grad school for people at the school who were already married/had partners. We stayed in touch with most of them and all but one of them are still happily married 17+ years later.

I'm not advocating marrying the wrong person just because you hit a certain age, but when you know you know and I'm so glad I didn' have to wait. I loved being married and starting a family in my 20's.

So you guys are Mormons.

Nope, not even religiously observant at all and neither are most of the couples I'm talking about. A few are casual Catholics. And many of them live in the DC area or other similar places like Atlanta or Boston.

It's a complete fallacy that if you are educated and live near a big city you have to wait to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People also need to get married younger. Post college mid 20s, so like the 22-27 age range. Combining households is very financially efficient especially when neither is a high income earner. A 2 bedroom 1.5 bath apartment in the low to medium COL city where I used to live is now renting for about $1400/month. A 1 bedroom 1 bath rents for $1100/month. Get off the apps, get married, get those financial/tax benefits that come with marriage, combine households, and everyone comes out ahead and you end up on better financial footing earlier in life.

It’s incredibly daunting to get married young when the quintessential path involves spending $10k on a ring, a $40k+ wedding, buying a $700k+ home, then popping out some kids (more $$$). I can see why kids in their 20s wait. How can you afford that!

I blame consumerism and social media. People were not doing all that in the 1950s. The “bar for entry” into the idealistic instagrammable life was lower.

I agree social media is a huge issue. People don't want to do anything if its not instagrammable. My ring was $2k, our wedding was less than $20k, we honeymooned at a random hotel in the Caribbean (not very instagrammable either) and lived in an apartment for 3 years before buying a small townhome.

BUT, you have to want to be married more than you want all the fancy stuff. That will come later, and it did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The 20 year old Mexican who got pregnant and moved in with the father's family while his mom took care of their child probably had a quasi mother -in -law who was 45 or younger. In the typical UMC family today, the grandparents are 65 plus. It's a lot easier to care for young kids when you are 45. It's a different story in your mid 60s or 70s, especially after the child can walk.

I disagree completely. When my parents retired they had sooooo much more time to spend with my kids. It was like night and day. A 45 year old grandma is still working.

I think it's best to have kids right when your parents retire. Our parents were just as energetic in their 60s as they were at 45. After 80 is when things go south.

[Anonymous]

While I think all married couples should have children sooner than later, the NYT once again shames itself. It claims men cause half of infertility. It cites a BBC article, which cites a Nature article. The nature article cites a study that nowhere says half of infertility is caused by men. Instead, the study hypothesizes that de novo mutations, which are new genetic mutations not inherited from parents, contribute significantly to the genetic causes of male infertility.

While I agree evidence suggests there are problems with old sperm, old sperm is far more reproductive that old eggs and ovaries. Women have a clock that men do not, and passing around articles that invent scientific-sounding claims to make us feel better isn't going to help women in need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding young men who want to get married at 25. They are few and far between.

THIS!!! I was desperate to get married at 24-25. The serious boyfriend I had at the time said he wanted to get married and made me believe we were working towards a future together once he was more financially stable so I stuck around til he dumped me when we were both 27. If I could go back and do it again I would have broken up with him when we werent engaged within two years. I know soo many women that end up with these guys that make them believe marriage is coming but they need to wait for whatever reason and waste yearrsss of their lives.

I agree with this. My dh is a super awesome guy and was a perfect boyfriend. We started dating at 20. At 24 I asked him about marriage and he said he hadn't thought about it but didn't want to get married until 30. He had no reason "why" he didn't want to marry, just an age he "thought" he should marry at. He assured me that I was the one though. Oh hell no. I wasn't going to be strung along. I gave him 3 months and said I'd move onto greener pastures where they didn't have an arbitrary age in mind.

He even now talks about how irrational he was being. I think there's just a stigma against men marrying younger.

I've known lots of guys like yours pp who dumped the perfect girlfriend and then quickly married the next one that came along. And they aren't happier than they would have been with the first girl.

There is no way you can know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Just find a spouse and get on it” = will be divorced by 45. Worst advice ever.

This! I don’t understand wanting marriage for the sake of marriage. You might as well close your eyes, spin around while pointing your finger, and marry the first dude it lands on.

[Anonymous]

Humans have peaked. We will be the wooly mammoths of the Octopus Age. They will put us in zoos and wonder if we can communicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding young men who want to get married at 25. They are few and far between.

THIS!!! I was desperate to get married at 24-25. The serious boyfriend I had at the time said he wanted to get married and made me believe we were working towards a future together once he was more financially stable so I stuck around til he dumped me when we were both 27. If I could go back and do it again I would have broken up with him when we werent engaged within two years. I know soo many women that end up with these guys that make them believe marriage is coming but they need to wait for whatever reason and waste yearrsss of their lives.

I agree with this. My dh is a super awesome guy and was a perfect boyfriend. We started dating at 20. At 24 I asked him about marriage and he said he hadn't thought about it but didn't want to get married until 30. He had no reason "why" he didn't want to marry, just an age he "thought" he should marry at. He assured me that I was the one though. Oh hell no. I wasn't going to be strung along. I gave him 3 months and said I'd move onto greener pastures where they didn't have an arbitrary age in mind.

He even now talks about how irrational he was being. I think there's just a stigma against men marrying younger.

I've known lots of guys like yours pp who dumped the perfect girlfriend and then quickly married the next one that came along. And they aren't happier than they would have been with the first girl.

Nope, he was hedging and found out he wasn’t worth much on the open market.