Husband lazy/half asses everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is way, way out of control ADHD. How does this man even hold down a job?!

Coffees, espressos, diet cokes, alcohol, crashes at 7 or 8pm.

Basically self medicates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all men are like this. You got a lemon. Sorry. Does he at least have a high paying job? Don’t have any more kids with him. Tell him to get a vasectomy.

You do your laundry and the kids laundry and the sheets. Let him do his own and the towels. It’s hard to screw up towels.

Hire as much help as you can.

NP. My DH only does his laundry now. He messed up the towels bc lazy.

But he only every 6 weeks or so when he has absolutely zero underwear left (he never packs more than a few pairs for trips so he has a sampling from Uniqlos and Zaras from every continent but Africa and Antarctica). It’s always a Sunday and he’ll get mad if he can’t do 7 loads in a row. And he insists on air drying everything but never quite puts it away, so it’s a jungle of air drying clothes on racks and on hangers on doorframes. And then we start the workweek pawing our way through his damp clothing which he doesn’t do anything with until Saturday. Then he piles it on the dryer in anticipation of fluffing it, which never actually happens, so he just gets dressed adjacent to the dryer for the remaining 5 weeks.

This is insanity! How do people live like this? My toddler has more skills than these men.

I’m the poster you’re replying to and yes, my child has been more capable from a very early age. Since I posted DH and I have separated promoted by an acute incident unrelated to laundry, but I can’t say that laundry and manchilding wasn’t in the back of my head when it all went down.

+1

Everyone in the back read that?

Leave. Stop complaining on DCUM. Leave. Your child will survive. Leave. Improve your situation rather than complain. Leave.

[Anonymous]

My DH only handles cooking.

I handle everyone's laundry. I am currently unwell and he will do the laundry but it makes my heart weep when I see how grungy and sad the clothes look.

I do everything for kids education. He drives them places during the weekend. I plan, organize, invite, cook, decorate for parties...he does the ice cube run and pours the drinks. I now outsource everything that I can because my DH cannot do what needs to be done.

But, as long as the house is standing, kids are fed and we all are alive, I let it slide. My mom told me that the fact that my DH is not malicious and that I have full control of his money (I am SAHM), and there is no adultery, abuse, addiction in my marriage, and he has zero expectation from me even if sometimes the house is trashed...I should just ignore it. So, I do.

[Anonymous]

My DH only handles cooking.

I handle everyone's laundry. I am currently unwell and he will do the laundry but it makes my heart weep when I see how grungy and sad the clothes look.

I do everything for kids education. He drives them places during the weekend. I plan, organize, invite, cook, decorate for parties...he does the ice cube run and pours the drinks. I now outsource everything that I can because my DH cannot do what needs to be done.

But, as long as the house is standing, kids are fed and we all are alive, I let it slide. My mom told me that the fact that my DH is not malicious and that I have full control of his money (I am SAHM), and there is no adultery, abuse, addiction in my marriage, and he has zero expectation from me even if sometimes the house is trashed...I should just ignore it. So, I do.

You needed to have led with you a SAHM. Once I read that, my expectations regarding what he has to do dropped considerably. Stop weeping and start outsourcing the laundry.

How unwell are you? Cancer treatment unwell?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all men are like this. You got a lemon. Sorry. Does he at least have a high paying job? Don’t have any more kids with him. Tell him to get a vasectomy.

You do your laundry and the kids laundry and the sheets. Let him do his own and the towels. It’s hard to screw up towels.

Hire as much help as you can.

NP. My DH only does his laundry now. He messed up the towels bc lazy.

But he only every 6 weeks or so when he has absolutely zero underwear left (he never packs more than a few pairs for trips so he has a sampling from Uniqlos and Zaras from every continent but Africa and Antarctica). It’s always a Sunday and he’ll get mad if he can’t do 7 loads in a row. And he insists on air drying everything but never quite puts it away, so it’s a jungle of air drying clothes on racks and on hangers on doorframes. And then we start the workweek pawing our way through his damp clothing which he doesn’t do anything with until Saturday. Then he piles it on the dryer in anticipation of fluffing it, which never actually happens, so he just gets dressed adjacent to the dryer for the remaining 5 weeks.

This is insanity! How do people live like this? My toddler has more skills than these men.

I’m the poster you’re replying to and yes, my child has been more capable from a very early age. Since I posted DH and I have separated promoted by an acute incident unrelated to laundry, but I can’t say that laundry and manchilding wasn’t in the back of my head when it all went down.

You separated from your husband in the last 5 days? You posted the above and called him your DH and now you're separated? Did posting the above help you get there?

No, it was unrelated. Shortly after this post DH did something seriously awful and stupid and unforgivable but he wasn't even seeking forgiveness, so for my safety and the safety of the kids I requested that he leave our house and we are informally separated while we work out a legal one.

I was probably all over these kinds of posts because I was already lightly annoyed with him, but seriously didn't see this incident coming. I thought our marriage would just slowly shrivel a long painful death from a thousand abandoned laundry loads or water cups left on every flat surface, but here I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH only handles cooking.

I handle everyone's laundry. I am currently unwell and he will do the laundry but it makes my heart weep when I see how grungy and sad the clothes look.

I do everything for kids education. He drives them places during the weekend. I plan, organize, invite, cook, decorate for parties...he does the ice cube run and pours the drinks. I now outsource everything that I can because my DH cannot do what needs to be done.

But, as long as the house is standing, kids are fed and we all are alive, I let it slide. My mom told me that the fact that my DH is not malicious and that I have full control of his money (I am SAHM), and there is no adultery, abuse, addiction in my marriage, and he has zero expectation from me even if sometimes the house is trashed...I should just ignore it. So, I do.

You're a SAHM - your job is literally to do all that suff. And his is to make money. So yeah, you should ignore it. Also, what else are you going to do? You don't have a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all men are like this. You got a lemon. Sorry. Does he at least have a high paying job? Don’t have any more kids with him. Tell him to get a vasectomy.

You do your laundry and the kids laundry and the sheets. Let him do his own and the towels. It’s hard to screw up towels.

Hire as much help as you can.

NP. My DH only does his laundry now. He messed up the towels bc lazy.

But he only every 6 weeks or so when he has absolutely zero underwear left (he never packs more than a few pairs for trips so he has a sampling from Uniqlos and Zaras from every continent but Africa and Antarctica). It’s always a Sunday and he’ll get mad if he can’t do 7 loads in a row. And he insists on air drying everything but never quite puts it away, so it’s a jungle of air drying clothes on racks and on hangers on doorframes. And then we start the workweek pawing our way through his damp clothing which he doesn’t do anything with until Saturday. Then he piles it on the dryer in anticipation of fluffing it, which never actually happens, so he just gets dressed adjacent to the dryer for the remaining 5 weeks.

This is insanity! How do people live like this? My toddler has more skills than these men.

I’m the poster you’re replying to and yes, my child has been more capable from a very early age. Since I posted DH and I have separated promoted by an acute incident unrelated to laundry, but I can’t say that laundry and manchilding wasn’t in the back of my head when it all went down.

You separated from your husband in the last 5 days? You posted the above and called him your DH and now you're separated? Did posting the above help you get there?

No, it was unrelated. Shortly after this post DH did something seriously awful and stupid and unforgivable but he wasn't even seeking forgiveness, so for my safety and the safety of the kids I requested that he leave our house and we are informally separated while we work out a legal one.

I was probably all over these kinds of posts because I was already lightly annoyed with him, but seriously didn't see this incident coming. I thought our marriage would just slowly shrivel a long painful death from a thousand abandoned laundry loads or water cups left on every flat surface, but here I am.

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know which death is better but at least this one leaves a longer and hopefully brighter future for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH only handles cooking.

I handle everyone's laundry. I am currently unwell and he will do the laundry but it makes my heart weep when I see how grungy and sad the clothes look.

I do everything for kids education. He drives them places during the weekend. I plan, organize, invite, cook, decorate for parties...he does the ice cube run and pours the drinks. I now outsource everything that I can because my DH cannot do what needs to be done.

But, as long as the house is standing, kids are fed and we all are alive, I let it slide. My mom told me that the fact that my DH is not malicious and that I have full control of his money (I am SAHM), and there is no adultery, abuse, addiction in my marriage, and he has zero expectation from me even if sometimes the house is trashed...I should just ignore it. So, I do.

ICK!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH only handles cooking.

I handle everyone's laundry. I am currently unwell and he will do the laundry but it makes my heart weep when I see how grungy and sad the clothes look.

I do everything for kids education. He drives them places during the weekend. I plan, organize, invite, cook, decorate for parties...he does the ice cube run and pours the drinks. I now outsource everything that I can because my DH cannot do what needs to be done.

But, as long as the house is standing, kids are fed and we all are alive, I let it slide. My mom told me that the fact that my DH is not malicious and that I have full control of his money (I am SAHM), and there is no adultery, abuse, addiction in my marriage, and he has zero expectation from me even if sometimes the house is trashed...I should just ignore it. So, I do.

You're a SAHM - your job is literally to do all that suff. And his is to make money. So yeah, you should ignore it. Also, what else are you going to do? You don't have a job.

Presumably she would get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is way, way out of control ADHD. How does this man even hold down a job?!

Coffees, espressos, diet cokes, alcohol, crashes at 7 or 8pm.

Basically self medicates

Mine did that. It took me a while to understand that someone who could have 2 espressos after dinner at 8 pm and still fall asleep at 9:30 pm was self-medicating and rather unsuccessfully.

[Anonymous]

My husband is the same, and we've been married 29 years. There's no hope it will never change and certain things get even worse. Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you not notice long ago that he is like that? Would have driven me crazy.
Now figure why or how to fix it. I wouldn't bother even. Easier to do those things on my own under a minute.

Essentially, I never really needed him before we had a baby, which made it easy to be in love. And then we had a baby and I needed him, and he suuuuuucked. Then the kids got old enough to where I don’t need him any more, again, which makes it easy for me to be indifferent about him altogether.

[Anonymous]

You're a SAHM - your job is literally to do all that suff. And his is to make money. So yeah, you should ignore it. Also, what else are you going to do? You don't have a job.

Presumably she would get a job.

Doing what?

Op's comments are along the lines of a performance review (he does not complete XYZ tasks, I have to do X while he only does Y). However, she does not mention what her outside-the-home skill set is or if she even has one.

Every time the point is made that she is a SAHM, she does not address it. OP - what did you think "stay at home mom" meant if not the person that is, well, staying at home taking care of the children?

[Anonymous]

This is reason #28475950 of why women don't need men anymore.

[Anonymous]

Op what does he say when you bring it up to him?