One-sided exclusivity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always tried to date 3 men at a time until one is almost certain to propose.

It is such a waste of time to date serially. If you need to break off with one or if they break off with you, it is so much easier when you have two others going. If one does not work out, then you have to start from scratch. So I always dated and been intimate with 3 men at a time. It is small enough number that you can manage to meet with all of them once a week.

Until I was pretty sure that DH was going to propose I was dating two other men. There is no need to talk about exclusivity. It is better not discussed at all.

Curious, how long were you seeing DH and other men at the same time? Does DH know about the other men and that you were trading off encounters with them during that time prior to him proposing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always tried to date 3 men at a time until one is almost certain to propose.

It is such a waste of time to date serially. If you need to break off with one or if they break off with you, it is so much easier when you have two others going. If one does not work out, then you have to start from scratch. So I always dated and been intimate with 3 men at a time. It is small enough number that you can manage to meet with all of them once a week.

Until I was pretty sure that DH was going to propose I was dating two other men. There is no need to talk about exclusivity. It is better not discussed at all.

Your DH proposed when you weren't dating exclusively? What an idiot. Literally a cuck.

He probably didn't know and he just assumed she was being faithful like he was.

I can't imagine what guy would propose to a woman who would only make time for him once a week. OP thinks she was being clever but all she did was dilute the quality of her pool to someone who was, at best, cuck-like.

OP here: there is a lot of other options in between of sleeping with 3 men till one proposes and exclusivity after a few dates.

My question was rather - why men who are not exclusive themselves expect women to be exclusive to them ? So they can f…k multiple chicks without condoms?

And what’s the way around this for a woman. I think I’ll be more secretive without being explicit about seeing other men. Will be saying “out with a friend”, “at a gym” etc. Kind of what all the men are doing

I pretty much gave you this advice before the thread got hijacked. If you aren’t exclusive, if he’s not your boyfriend, he doesn’t really have a right to know details. And if someone pushes, you can turn it into a DTR conversation if you want (“you seem very interested in my whereabouts considering we aren’t exclusive. Should we discuss that?”)

It feels weird and taxing to lie all the time. I also am not doing anything wrong. If he can't stand a thought of me seeing others while he actually is f...ing others, would he be a real equal partner for me? Or am I overthinking it?

[Anonymous]

Jfc y’all are nasty heaux

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always tried to date 3 men at a time until one is almost certain to propose.

It is such a waste of time to date serially. If you need to break off with one or if they break off with you, it is so much easier when you have two others going. If one does not work out, then you have to start from scratch. So I always dated and been intimate with 3 men at a time. It is small enough number that you can manage to meet with all of them once a week.

Until I was pretty sure that DH was going to propose I was dating two other men. There is no need to talk about exclusivity. It is better not discussed at all.

Your DH proposed when you weren't dating exclusively? What an idiot. Literally a cuck.

He probably didn't know and he just assumed she was being faithful like he was.

I can't imagine what guy would propose to a woman who would only make time for him once a week. OP thinks she was being clever but all she did was dilute the quality of her pool to someone who was, at best, cuck-like.

OP here: there is a lot of other options in between of sleeping with 3 men till one proposes and exclusivity after a few dates.

My question was rather - why men who are not exclusive themselves expect women to be exclusive to them ? So they can f…k multiple chicks without condoms?

And what’s the way around this for a woman. I think I’ll be more secretive without being explicit about seeing other men. Will be saying “out with a friend”, “at a gym” etc. Kind of what all the men are doing

I pretty much gave you this advice before the thread got hijacked. If you aren’t exclusive, if he’s not your boyfriend, he doesn’t really have a right to know details. And if someone pushes, you can turn it into a DTR conversation if you want (“you seem very interested in my whereabouts considering we aren’t exclusive. Should we discuss that?”)

It feels weird and taxing to lie all the time. I also am not doing anything wrong. If he can't stand a thought of me seeing others while he actually is f...ing others, would he be a real equal partner for me? Or am I overthinking it?

I dont think it’s actually lying, it’s just sharing less. Out with a friend is fine - he has no need to know it’s a date. if he starts prying, you can flip the script on him. I think oversharing is partly why they think they own you - it makes you seem very invested in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always tried to date 3 men at a time until one is almost certain to propose.

It is such a waste of time to date serially. If you need to break off with one or if they break off with you, it is so much easier when you have two others going. If one does not work out, then you have to start from scratch. So I always dated and been intimate with 3 men at a time. It is small enough number that you can manage to meet with all of them once a week.

Until I was pretty sure that DH was going to propose I was dating two other men. There is no need to talk about exclusivity. It is better not discussed at all.

Your DH proposed when you weren't dating exclusively? What an idiot. Literally a cuck.

He probably didn't know and he just assumed she was being faithful like he was.

I can't imagine what guy would propose to a woman who would only make time for him once a week. OP thinks she was being clever but all she did was dilute the quality of her pool to someone who was, at best, cuck-like.

OP here: there is a lot of other options in between of sleeping with 3 men till one proposes and exclusivity after a few dates.

My question was rather - why men who are not exclusive themselves expect women to be exclusive to them ? So they can f…k multiple chicks without condoms?

And what’s the way around this for a woman. I think I’ll be more secretive without being explicit about seeing other men. Will be saying “out with a friend”, “at a gym” etc. Kind of what all the men are doing

I pretty much gave you this advice before the thread got hijacked. If you aren’t exclusive, if he’s not your boyfriend, he doesn’t really have a right to know details. And if someone pushes, you can turn it into a DTR conversation if you want (“you seem very interested in my whereabouts considering we aren’t exclusive. Should we discuss that?”)

It feels weird and taxing to lie all the time. I also am not doing anything wrong. If he can't stand a thought of me seeing others while he actually is f...ing others, would he be a real equal partner for me? Or am I overthinking it?

I dont think it’s actually lying, it’s just sharing less. Out with a friend is fine - he has no need to know it’s a date. if he starts prying, you can flip the script on him. I think oversharing is partly why they think they own you - it makes you seem very invested in them.

What if a man says he doesn’t have other partners only you ? And wants to ditch condoms for that reason ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always tried to date 3 men at a time until one is almost certain to propose.

It is such a waste of time to date serially. If you need to break off with one or if they break off with you, it is so much easier when you have two others going. If one does not work out, then you have to start from scratch. So I always dated and been intimate with 3 men at a time. It is small enough number that you can manage to meet with all of them once a week.

Until I was pretty sure that DH was going to propose I was dating two other men. There is no need to talk about exclusivity. It is better not discussed at all.

Your DH proposed when you weren't dating exclusively? What an idiot. Literally a cuck.

He probably didn't know and he just assumed she was being faithful like he was.

I can't imagine what guy would propose to a woman who would only make time for him once a week. OP thinks she was being clever but all she did was dilute the quality of her pool to someone who was, at best, cuck-like.

OP here: there is a lot of other options in between of sleeping with 3 men till one proposes and exclusivity after a few dates.

My question was rather - why men who are not exclusive themselves expect women to be exclusive to them ? So they can f…k multiple chicks without condoms?

And what’s the way around this for a woman. I think I’ll be more secretive without being explicit about seeing other men. Will be saying “out with a friend”, “at a gym” etc. Kind of what all the men are doing

I pretty much gave you this advice before the thread got hijacked. If you aren’t exclusive, if he’s not your boyfriend, he doesn’t really have a right to know details. And if someone pushes, you can turn it into a DTR conversation if you want (“you seem very interested in my whereabouts considering we aren’t exclusive. Should we discuss that?”)

It feels weird and taxing to lie all the time. I also am not doing anything wrong. If he can't stand a thought of me seeing others while he actually is f...ing others, would he be a real equal partner for me? Or am I overthinking it?

I dont think it’s actually lying, it’s just sharing less. Out with a friend is fine - he has no need to know it’s a date. if he starts prying, you can flip the script on him. I think oversharing is partly why they think they own you - it makes you seem very invested in them.

What if a man says he doesn’t have other partners only you ? And wants to ditch condoms for that reason ?

If you’re asking ME (the PP), then it’s time for a real exclusivity discussion, STD testing, and much more openness about your whereabouts (assuming that both are willing to be in a committed relationship). I dont mean that the openness should be to verify he isn’t cheating, but it puts you in relationship territory. I dont know about you, but when I go out with friends, I dont tell them what I did every other night that week… someone I’m ‘dating’ is also not entitled to that kind of info. With a boyfriend, it’s just building trust and intimacy. But the OP was about a guy getting kinda turfy about a girl while not being exclusive himself. I think she was giving him too much info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always tried to date 3 men at a time until one is almost certain to propose.

It is such a waste of time to date serially. If you need to break off with one or if they break off with you, it is so much easier when you have two others going. If one does not work out, then you have to start from scratch. So I always dated and been intimate with 3 men at a time. It is small enough number that you can manage to meet with all of them once a week.

Until I was pretty sure that DH was going to propose I was dating two other men. There is no need to talk about exclusivity. It is better not discussed at all.

Your DH proposed when you weren't dating exclusively? What an idiot. Literally a cuck.

He probably didn't know and he just assumed she was being faithful like he was.

I can't imagine what guy would propose to a woman who would only make time for him once a week. OP thinks she was being clever but all she did was dilute the quality of her pool to someone who was, at best, cuck-like.

OP here: there is a lot of other options in between of sleeping with 3 men till one proposes and exclusivity after a few dates.

My question was rather - why men who are not exclusive themselves expect women to be exclusive to them ? So they can f…k multiple chicks without condoms?

And what’s the way around this for a woman. I think I’ll be more secretive without being explicit about seeing other men. Will be saying “out with a friend”, “at a gym” etc. Kind of what all the men are doing

I pretty much gave you this advice before the thread got hijacked. If you aren’t exclusive, if he’s not your boyfriend, he doesn’t really have a right to know details. And if someone pushes, you can turn it into a DTR conversation if you want (“you seem very interested in my whereabouts considering we aren’t exclusive. Should we discuss that?”)

It feels weird and taxing to lie all the time. I also am not doing anything wrong. If he can't stand a thought of me seeing others while he actually is f...ing others, would he be a real equal partner for me? Or am I overthinking it?

I think this is an instinctual feeling for many men (and women?) that is very hard to override (the disgust at the thought of having sex with someone who is also having sex with someone else). Some people simply wouldn't be able to be intimate anymore, so I can see how just not talking about it solves the problem.

I'm a middle aged serial monogamist who has been married for 15 years, so what do i know? But that's my take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always tried to date 3 men at a time until one is almost certain to propose.

It is such a waste of time to date serially. If you need to break off with one or if they break off with you, it is so much easier when you have two others going. If one does not work out, then you have to start from scratch. So I always dated and been intimate with 3 men at a time. It is small enough number that you can manage to meet with all of them once a week.

Until I was pretty sure that DH was going to propose I was dating two other men. There is no need to talk about exclusivity. It is better not discussed at all.

Your DH proposed when you weren't dating exclusively? What an idiot. Literally a cuck.

He probably didn't know and he just assumed she was being faithful like he was.

I can't imagine what guy would propose to a woman who would only make time for him once a week. OP thinks she was being clever but all she did was dilute the quality of her pool to someone who was, at best, cuck-like.

OP here: there is a lot of other options in between of sleeping with 3 men till one proposes and exclusivity after a few dates.

My question was rather - why men who are not exclusive themselves expect women to be exclusive to them ? So they can f…k multiple chicks without condoms?

And what’s the way around this for a woman. I think I’ll be more secretive without being explicit about seeing other men. Will be saying “out with a friend”, “at a gym” etc. Kind of what all the men are doing

I pretty much gave you this advice before the thread got hijacked. If you aren’t exclusive, if he’s not your boyfriend, he doesn’t really have a right to know details. And if someone pushes, you can turn it into a DTR conversation if you want (“you seem very interested in my whereabouts considering we aren’t exclusive. Should we discuss that?”)

It feels weird and taxing to lie all the time. I also am not doing anything wrong. If he can't stand a thought of me seeing others while he actually is f...ing others, would he be a real equal partner for me? Or am I overthinking it?

I think this is an instinctual feeling for many men (and women?) that is very hard to override (the disgust at the thought of having sex with someone who is also having sex with someone else). Some people simply wouldn't be able to be intimate anymore, so I can see how just not talking about it solves the problem.

I'm a middle aged serial monogamist who has been married for 15 years, so what do i know? But that's my take.

If a man is comfortable having sex with multiple women at the same time, why he should not learn to be comfortable when all these women do the same ? And accept that openness goes both ways. Otherwise he won’t be a good partner, because he applies different standards to himself vs me. And it will penetrate into other areas of relationship, I would think. He can raise voice and I can’t; he can stay late with friends at a bar and I have to feed kids etc.

I would consider it a red flag when a man is not accepting mutual freedom to date early on in the relationship .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always tried to date 3 men at a time until one is almost certain to propose.

It is such a waste of time to date serially. If you need to break off with one or if they break off with you, it is so much easier when you have two others going. If one does not work out, then you have to start from scratch. So I always dated and been intimate with 3 men at a time. It is small enough number that you can manage to meet with all of them once a week.

Until I was pretty sure that DH was going to propose I was dating two other men. There is no need to talk about exclusivity. It is better not discussed at all.

Your DH proposed when you weren't dating exclusively? What an idiot. Literally a cuck.

He probably didn't know and he just assumed she was being faithful like he was.

I can't imagine what guy would propose to a woman who would only make time for him once a week. OP thinks she was being clever but all she did was dilute the quality of her pool to someone who was, at best, cuck-like.

OP here: there is a lot of other options in between of sleeping with 3 men till one proposes and exclusivity after a few dates.

My question was rather - why men who are not exclusive themselves expect women to be exclusive to them ? So they can f…k multiple chicks without condoms?

And what’s the way around this for a woman. I think I’ll be more secretive without being explicit about seeing other men. Will be saying “out with a friend”, “at a gym” etc. Kind of what all the men are doing

I pretty much gave you this advice before the thread got hijacked. If you aren’t exclusive, if he’s not your boyfriend, he doesn’t really have a right to know details. And if someone pushes, you can turn it into a DTR conversation if you want (“you seem very interested in my whereabouts considering we aren’t exclusive. Should we discuss that?”)

It feels weird and taxing to lie all the time. I also am not doing anything wrong. If he can't stand a thought of me seeing others while he actually is f...ing others, would he be a real equal partner for me? Or am I overthinking it?

I dont think it’s actually lying, it’s just sharing less. Out with a friend is fine - he has no need to know it’s a date. if he starts prying, you can flip the script on him. I think oversharing is partly why they think they own you - it makes you seem very invested in them.

What if a man says he doesn’t have other partners only you ? And wants to ditch condoms for that reason ?

If you’re asking ME (the PP), then it’s time for a real exclusivity discussion, STD testing, and much more openness about your whereabouts (assuming that both are willing to be in a committed relationship). I dont mean that the openness should be to verify he isn’t cheating, but it puts you in relationship territory. I dont know about you, but when I go out with friends, I dont tell them what I did every other night that week… someone I’m ‘dating’ is also not entitled to that kind of info. With a boyfriend, it’s just building trust and intimacy. But the OP was about a guy getting kinda turfy about a girl while not being exclusive himself. I think she was giving him too much info.

OP here. I had men ask to be exclusive after 2-4 weeks of meeting them. Then after STD testing (which is easy to get) we ditched condoms but I still felt something was happening on their other fronts. I do think a lot of men offer this to ditch condoms. These relationships would last 3-6 months and end with me getting UTIs, light STD like ureaplasma or BV.
I might be paranoid but I wouldn’t want to be exclusive just for tie sex and would prefer to date at least 6 months seeing different people. I want a man to have freedom to choose, and know I was truly his best match. It’s better if he exits relationship early on (if I wasn’t the most attractive or he found me incompatible ), than commit and then have him cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always tried to date 3 men at a time until one is almost certain to propose.

It is such a waste of time to date serially. If you need to break off with one or if they break off with you, it is so much easier when you have two others going. If one does not work out, then you have to start from scratch. So I always dated and been intimate with 3 men at a time. It is small enough number that you can manage to meet with all of them once a week.

Until I was pretty sure that DH was going to propose I was dating two other men. There is no need to talk about exclusivity. It is better not discussed at all.

Your DH proposed when you weren't dating exclusively? What an idiot. Literally a cuck.

He probably didn't know and he just assumed she was being faithful like he was.

I can't imagine what guy would propose to a woman who would only make time for him once a week. OP thinks she was being clever but all she did was dilute the quality of her pool to someone who was, at best, cuck-like.

OP here: there is a lot of other options in between of sleeping with 3 men till one proposes and exclusivity after a few dates.

My question was rather - why men who are not exclusive themselves expect women to be exclusive to them ? So they can f…k multiple chicks without condoms?

And what’s the way around this for a woman. I think I’ll be more secretive without being explicit about seeing other men. Will be saying “out with a friend”, “at a gym” etc. Kind of what all the men are doing

I pretty much gave you this advice before the thread got hijacked. If you aren’t exclusive, if he’s not your boyfriend, he doesn’t really have a right to know details. And if someone pushes, you can turn it into a DTR conversation if you want (“you seem very interested in my whereabouts considering we aren’t exclusive. Should we discuss that?”)

It feels weird and taxing to lie all the time. I also am not doing anything wrong. If he can't stand a thought of me seeing others while he actually is f...ing others, would he be a real equal partner for me? Or am I overthinking it?

I dont think it’s actually lying, it’s just sharing less. Out with a friend is fine - he has no need to know it’s a date. if he starts prying, you can flip the script on him. I think oversharing is partly why they think they own you - it makes you seem very invested in them.

What if a man says he doesn’t have other partners only you ? And wants to ditch condoms for that reason ?

If you’re asking ME (the PP), then it’s time for a real exclusivity discussion, STD testing, and much more openness about your whereabouts (assuming that both are willing to be in a committed relationship). I dont mean that the openness should be to verify he isn’t cheating, but it puts you in relationship territory. I dont know about you, but when I go out with friends, I dont tell them what I did every other night that week… someone I’m ‘dating’ is also not entitled to that kind of info. With a boyfriend, it’s just building trust and intimacy. But the OP was about a guy getting kinda turfy about a girl while not being exclusive himself. I think she was giving him too much info.

OP here. I had men ask to be exclusive after 2-4 weeks of meeting them. Then after STD testing (which is easy to get) we ditched condoms but I still felt something was happening on their other fronts. I do think a lot of men offer this to ditch condoms. These relationships would last 3-6 months and end with me getting UTIs, light STD like ureaplasma or BV.
I might be paranoid but I wouldn’t want to be exclusive just for tie sex and would prefer to date at least 6 months seeing different people. I want a man to have freedom to choose, and know I was truly his best match. It’s better if he exits relationship early on (if I wasn’t the most attractive or he found me incompatible ), than commit and then have him cheat.

Well, this is a little different than what you originally posted. I would ask yourself whether the exclusivity conversation is really about sex. Personally, I will only be exclusive with someone that I like enough that I’m not interested in exploring others. And I feel like I can usually tell when a guy feels the same way. Like when they find a lot of insignificant reasons to text, so you know you are on their mind a lot. If you’re not there, keep using condoms!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always tried to date 3 men at a time until one is almost certain to propose.

It is such a waste of time to date serially. If you need to break off with one or if they break off with you, it is so much easier when you have two others going. If one does not work out, then you have to start from scratch. So I always dated and been intimate with 3 men at a time. It is small enough number that you can manage to meet with all of them once a week.

Until I was pretty sure that DH was going to propose I was dating two other men. There is no need to talk about exclusivity. It is better not discussed at all.

Your DH proposed when you weren't dating exclusively? What an idiot. Literally a cuck.

He probably didn't know and he just assumed she was being faithful like he was.

I can't imagine what guy would propose to a woman who would only make time for him once a week. OP thinks she was being clever but all she did was dilute the quality of her pool to someone who was, at best, cuck-like.

OP here: there is a lot of other options in between of sleeping with 3 men till one proposes and exclusivity after a few dates.

My question was rather - why men who are not exclusive themselves expect women to be exclusive to them ? So they can f…k multiple chicks without condoms?

And what’s the way around this for a woman. I think I’ll be more secretive without being explicit about seeing other men. Will be saying “out with a friend”, “at a gym” etc. Kind of what all the men are doing

I pretty much gave you this advice before the thread got hijacked. If you aren’t exclusive, if he’s not your boyfriend, he doesn’t really have a right to know details. And if someone pushes, you can turn it into a DTR conversation if you want (“you seem very interested in my whereabouts considering we aren’t exclusive. Should we discuss that?”)

It feels weird and taxing to lie all the time. I also am not doing anything wrong. If he can't stand a thought of me seeing others while he actually is f...ing others, would he be a real equal partner for me? Or am I overthinking it?

I dont think it’s actually lying, it’s just sharing less. Out with a friend is fine - he has no need to know it’s a date. if he starts prying, you can flip the script on him. I think oversharing is partly why they think they own you - it makes you seem very invested in them.

What if a man says he doesn’t have other partners only you ? And wants to ditch condoms for that reason ?

If you’re asking ME (the PP), then it’s time for a real exclusivity discussion, STD testing, and much more openness about your whereabouts (assuming that both are willing to be in a committed relationship). I dont mean that the openness should be to verify he isn’t cheating, but it puts you in relationship territory. I dont know about you, but when I go out with friends, I dont tell them what I did every other night that week… someone I’m ‘dating’ is also not entitled to that kind of info. With a boyfriend, it’s just building trust and intimacy. But the OP was about a guy getting kinda turfy about a girl while not being exclusive himself. I think she was giving him too much info.

OP here. I had men ask to be exclusive after 2-4 weeks of meeting them. Then after STD testing (which is easy to get) we ditched condoms but I still felt something was happening on their other fronts. I do think a lot of men offer this to ditch condoms. These relationships would last 3-6 months and end with me getting UTIs, light STD like ureaplasma or BV.
I might be paranoid but I wouldn’t want to be exclusive just for tie sex and would prefer to date at least 6 months seeing different people. I want a man to have freedom to choose, and know I was truly his best match. It’s better if he exits relationship early on (if I wasn’t the most attractive or he found me incompatible ), than commit and then have him cheat.

Well, this is a little different than what you originally posted. I would ask yourself whether the exclusivity conversation is really about sex. Personally, I will only be exclusive with someone that I like enough that I’m not interested in exploring others. And I feel like I can usually tell when a guy feels the same way. Like when they find a lot of insignificant reasons to text, so you know you are on their mind a lot. If you’re not there, keep using condoms!

The guys who text a lot tend to be clingy and these "hot and heavy" initially relationships fall apart in 3-6 months. That's what I am trying to explain. I don't want to have unprotected sex dating serially and "exclusively" 3 men a year, one after another. I would rather use condoms by default by the 6 months mark at least. And it could be not related to sex: there are men who have hidden mental issues, financial issues, logistics with exes and kids that may come up later. I might be initially very interested but cool down, so can he, when these things come to surface (usually after 3 months mark, but cultural differences could be 6+ months).
Or shall I just accept the risk that I might live with UTIs as long as I'm dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always tried to date 3 men at a time until one is almost certain to propose.

It is such a waste of time to date serially. If you need to break off with one or if they break off with you, it is so much easier when you have two others going. If one does not work out, then you have to start from scratch. So I always dated and been intimate with 3 men at a time. It is small enough number that you can manage to meet with all of them once a week.

Until I was pretty sure that DH was going to propose I was dating two other men. There is no need to talk about exclusivity. It is better not discussed at all.

Your DH proposed when you weren't dating exclusively? What an idiot. Literally a cuck.

He probably didn't know and he just assumed she was being faithful like he was.

I can't imagine what guy would propose to a woman who would only make time for him once a week. OP thinks she was being clever but all she did was dilute the quality of her pool to someone who was, at best, cuck-like.

OP here: there is a lot of other options in between of sleeping with 3 men till one proposes and exclusivity after a few dates.

My question was rather - why men who are not exclusive themselves expect women to be exclusive to them ? So they can f…k multiple chicks without condoms?

And what’s the way around this for a woman. I think I’ll be more secretive without being explicit about seeing other men. Will be saying “out with a friend”, “at a gym” etc. Kind of what all the men are doing

I pretty much gave you this advice before the thread got hijacked. If you aren’t exclusive, if he’s not your boyfriend, he doesn’t really have a right to know details. And if someone pushes, you can turn it into a DTR conversation if you want (“you seem very interested in my whereabouts considering we aren’t exclusive. Should we discuss that?”)

It feels weird and taxing to lie all the time. I also am not doing anything wrong. If he can't stand a thought of me seeing others while he actually is f...ing others, would he be a real equal partner for me? Or am I overthinking it?

I dont think it’s actually lying, it’s just sharing less. Out with a friend is fine - he has no need to know it’s a date. if he starts prying, you can flip the script on him. I think oversharing is partly why they think they own you - it makes you seem very invested in them.

What if a man says he doesn’t have other partners only you ? And wants to ditch condoms for that reason ?

If you’re asking ME (the PP), then it’s time for a real exclusivity discussion, STD testing, and much more openness about your whereabouts (assuming that both are willing to be in a committed relationship). I dont mean that the openness should be to verify he isn’t cheating, but it puts you in relationship territory. I dont know about you, but when I go out with friends, I dont tell them what I did every other night that week… someone I’m ‘dating’ is also not entitled to that kind of info. With a boyfriend, it’s just building trust and intimacy. But the OP was about a guy getting kinda turfy about a girl while not being exclusive himself. I think she was giving him too much info.

OP here. I had men ask to be exclusive after 2-4 weeks of meeting them. Then after STD testing (which is easy to get) we ditched condoms but I still felt something was happening on their other fronts. I do think a lot of men offer this to ditch condoms. These relationships would last 3-6 months and end with me getting UTIs, light STD like ureaplasma or BV.
I might be paranoid but I wouldn’t want to be exclusive just for tie sex and would prefer to date at least 6 months seeing different people. I want a man to have freedom to choose, and know I was truly his best match. It’s better if he exits relationship early on (if I wasn’t the most attractive or he found me incompatible ), than commit and then have him cheat.

Well, this is a little different than what you originally posted. I would ask yourself whether the exclusivity conversation is really about sex. Personally, I will only be exclusive with someone that I like enough that I’m not interested in exploring others. And I feel like I can usually tell when a guy feels the same way. Like when they find a lot of insignificant reasons to text, so you know you are on their mind a lot. If you’re not there, keep using condoms!

The guys who text a lot tend to be clingy and these "hot and heavy" initially relationships fall apart in 3-6 months. That's what I am trying to explain. I don't want to have unprotected sex dating serially and "exclusively" 3 men a year, one after another. I would rather use condoms by default by the 6 months mark at least. And it could be not related to sex: there are men who have hidden mental issues, financial issues, logistics with exes and kids that may come up later. I might be initially very interested but cool down, so can he, when these things come to surface (usually after 3 months mark, but cultural differences could be 6+ months).
Or shall I just accept the risk that I might live with UTIs as long as I'm dating?

The UTIs are a red herring. If you don’t want to be exclusive with someone for six months, you need to keep them a little bit at arms length. See them 1x week max, play it cool on communication, and if they raise exclusivity, you say you are not ready. But a good guy who likes you is probably not going to hang on that long while we are playing the field, whether he knows you are or not.

This a totally different question from have sex without a condom.

[Anonymous]

Not serious doesn't imply having sex with multiple casual partners simultaneously. It.simply.means the guy isn't ready to fully commit. And the caution is justified by women who will use any excuse to act in a promiscuous manner. That's fine but don't be surprised if it's a.turnoff to serious guys. How is anyone supposed to know that they want to commit to you after a.couple.of dates? They need to see how you behave under.different scenarios. If your reaction to not getting immediate emotional gratification from the guy is to immediately run out and have sex with other people, don't.act.so.surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not serious doesn't imply having sex with multiple casual partners simultaneously. It.simply.means the guy isn't ready to fully commit. And the caution is justified by women who will use any excuse to act in a promiscuous manner. That's fine but don't be surprised if it's a.turnoff to serious guys. How is anyone supposed to know that they want to commit to you after a.couple.of dates? They need to see how you behave under.different scenarios. If your reaction to not getting immediate emotional gratification from the guy is to immediately run out and have sex with other people, don't.act.so.surprised.

Men are known to be dating multiple women way more than other way around. Don’t pretend it’s not the case. They are testosterone dependent and not serous for them means sleeping with several women. Just read comments on this forum !

I won’t commit to anyone myself after sleeping couple times. But it’s very easy to figure out multi dating pattern: I’m
not spending my prime dating evenings Friday-Saturday alone when a dude always “has his kids over”, “visits mom” , “out with buddies” etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not serious doesn't imply having sex with multiple casual partners simultaneously. It.simply.means the guy isn't ready to fully commit. And the caution is justified by women who will use any excuse to act in a promiscuous manner. That's fine but don't be surprised if it's a.turnoff to serious guys. How is anyone supposed to know that they want to commit to you after a.couple.of dates? They need to see how you behave under.different scenarios. If your reaction to not getting immediate emotional gratification from the guy is to immediately run out and have sex with other people, don't.act.so.surprised.

Men are known to be dating multiple women way more than other way around. Don’t pretend it’s not the case. They are testosterone dependent and not serous for them means sleeping with several women. Just read comments on this forum !

I won’t commit to anyone myself after sleeping couple times. But it’s very easy to figure out multi dating pattern: I’m
not spending my prime dating evenings Friday-Saturday alone when a dude always “has his kids over”, “visits mom” , “out with buddies” etc

Except the reality is women easily attract 10x the attention most men can attract. Just because he says he doesn't want to be exclusive yet doesn't mean he's having sex with other women. Women interpret it this way to justify themelves banging multiple guys. A semi attractive woman could be banging multiple guys a week if she wanted without trying very hard. Most guys could t even come close.

Have the sense to recognize when a guy who wants to be serious is testing you. He wants to see how you will react. If your reaction is "OK I guess I can go out and bang multiple guys now" you are not the woman that the kind of guys you claim to be looking for would ever want