What's the biggest financial decision your spouse has made during your marriage without notice or consent?

[Anonymous]

Ordered a new car. >$100k EV that we did not need

[Anonymous]

I can’t think for my husband - he loves books and is a scientist and some of the books he gets are $300-$400 text books. He doesn’t do that often. I asked him recently about the threshold where he’d be annoyed if I just spent it - I think we decided out tolerance is about $700-1,000, but neither of spends much in that way. I needed a new wardrobe, went shopping for the first time in years, and dropped $1,200. When I told him he basically said, “yeah, clothes can be expensive, but you haven’t gotten new clothes in ages.” My friend and I got season tickets to the theater. My husband gave me permission and I mentioned it was expensive, but he said “that’s fine.” But when I mentioned the cost the other day he seemed surprised (a year after I paid for them.) He earns about $200k and I earn about $120k and also have money from stocks I inherited that - if I didn’t reinvest - would add another few hundred to our income each month.

[Anonymous]

For OP, you would be totally insane to sign for the second mortgage, which I assume is required. I don’t care how much my husband would “punish” me as you put it. I would not sign and would spend $$ on a divorce lawyer instead.

[Anonymous]

I can’t think of anything over the past 31 years beyond typical day to day stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked a similar question a while ago and was shocked at some of the responses. I remember the person who said he/she bought a horse without their spouse’s input. Bold.

I have made some expensive handbag purchases in the $3-4K range without prior discussion. DH asks for approval on everything. This works for me.

You abdicate to your DH in 2025
Are you brain dead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t think for my husband - he loves books and is a scientist and some of the books he gets are $300-$400 text books. He doesn’t do that often. I asked him recently about the threshold where he’d be annoyed if I just spent it - I think we decided out tolerance is about $700-1,000, but neither of spends much in that way. I needed a new wardrobe, went shopping for the first time in years, and dropped $1,200. When I told him he basically said, “yeah, clothes can be expensive, but you haven’t gotten new clothes in ages.” My friend and I got season tickets to the theater. My husband gave me permission and I mentioned it was expensive, but he said “that’s fine.” But when I mentioned the cost the other day he seemed surprised (a year after I paid for them.) He earns about $200k and I earn about $120k and also have money from stocks I inherited that - if I didn’t reinvest - would add another few hundred to our income each month.

You asked his permission ??
What’s wrong with you?

Who does this?

Please move to a red state with the other women who let me control them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked a similar question a while ago and was shocked at some of the responses. I remember the person who said he/she bought a horse without their spouse’s input. Bold.

I have made some expensive handbag purchases in the $3-4K range without prior discussion. DH asks for approval on everything. This works for me.

Hi, it’s me, I bought the horse. DCUM will be pleased to know the horse has appreciated substantially in value and I recently did very well in my first competition of the year on him. 10/10 would do again

[Anonymous]

Bought a Baskin Robbins, accountant got us out of it after he realized he didn’t want to manage teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Placed two short positions that started at 250k each and ballooned to -600k and -800k each. One was closed against the box, the other I made him move against individual assets and sign a legal agreement of responsibility (short is still open).

Marriage is a landmine of exposure with the wrong person.

Piggybacking on this, is there a point at which the exposure is so great that you initiate a divorce primarily to protect yourself and your kids financially?

Currently at -$687,852.86. Yes there is a point and that's where I was at a year ago. I presented him with the option to move it against his individual assets (family inheritance) and sign a postnup that he accepts responsibility for its performance or we would have to divorce. The risk was too much and we had lost a ton on margin calls.

To OP, time to put some legal protections in place. If he won't, then you need to make a decision. You know the liability, so it's on you if you continue.

And "smart" men absolutely make stupid decisions. He is a Harvard Econ major. It's hubris.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked a similar question a while ago and was shocked at some of the responses. I remember the person who said he/she bought a horse without their spouse’s input. Bold.

I have made some expensive handbag purchases in the $3-4K range without prior discussion. DH asks for approval on everything. This works for me.

Hi, it’s me, I bought the horse. DCUM will be pleased to know the horse has appreciated substantially in value and I recently did very well in my first competition of the year on him. 10/10 would do again

Yasss 🐎

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For OP, you would be totally insane to sign for the second mortgage, which I assume is required. I don’t care how much my husband would “punish” me as you put it. I would not sign and would spend $$ on a divorce lawyer instead.

[phone]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bought a Baskin Robbins, accountant got us out of it after he realized he didn’t want to manage teenagers.

Yay wannabe franchisee owner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked a similar question a while ago and was shocked at some of the responses. I remember the person who said he/she bought a horse without their spouse’s input. Bold.

I have made some expensive handbag purchases in the $3-4K range without prior discussion. DH asks for approval on everything. This works for me.

Hi, it’s me, I bought the horse. DCUM will be pleased to know the horse has appreciated substantially in value and I recently did very well in my first competition of the year on him. 10/10 would do again

I love this.

[Anonymous]

I’m not even sure DH has the password to our accounts, so he wouldn’t be able to spend without me knowing about it. I could probably get away with it. I buy pretty much everything. So unless you count the spiralizer (TWO because he’d only pay extra shipping) he bought off QVC 25 years ago, he hasn’t spent anything without me knowing about it.

OP, I cannot believe the gall of this man, equating you saving money in a 529 plan for your children, with his frivolous million dollar ego trip. And then threatening to punish you if you refuse to jeopardize your home over it? I would have served him divorce papers yesterday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My husband spent $250k (refundable) and committed another $750k (that we don't have) for a hobby/investment. Never discussed; its clear that he'll never let it go if I make him get out.

He gave away my old car (I bought a new one) worth abput 15k to his relative without asking me. He's claiming I told him to do it, but I never would. This is a pattern.

Over the last two months, he's made $90k in credit card payments and wires that I have no access to see.

He makes a lot but spends more. I'm going to find a therapist today. I am literally beside myself and can't function.

We’ve operated on a his/hers/ours system that isn't great but prevents daily arguments.

Today he is golfing while I work.

I’m sorry- sounds like my husband honestly . None of this is ok. I’m at my wits end and want a divorce