What's the biggest financial decision your spouse has made during your marriage without notice or consent?

[Anonymous]

We made an agreement early in marriage that neither of us would spend more than x without discussing it with each other. He did it twice, and I was beyond furious bith times. To be clear, in over 27 years of marriage, I've never done that, and wouldn't. Could not believe that he did it a second time, and yet, I'm still here

[Anonymous]

My spouse, almost nothing, me - ridiculous amounts in risky investments.

Overall it's paid off well, but I've lost many bets.

[Anonymous]

Bet on last years Superbowl .. and won .. BIG

Didn't tell me until a few days later when he showed me ..

I almost collapsed.

[Anonymous]

Found out that he gives $5K every year to charity and his company matches it. This has been happening for years. And I am the person who clips coupons and shops at Aldi!

I was pissed for a moment, then I forgave him. Mainly because this is not really a bad thing, is it? And he is a stubborn man. He will not stop.

[Anonymous]

She bought a new car while I was out of town. I made a big deal out of it. But the next time around, when she wanted a car, I simply said “I think we can afford this much”, and that’s what she ran with.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My husband spent $250k (refundable) and committed another $750k (that we don't have) for a hobby/investment. Never discussed; its clear that he'll never let it go if I make him get out.

He gave away my old car (I bought a new one) worth abput 15k to his relative without asking me. He's claiming I told him to do it, but I never would. This is a pattern.

Over the last two months, he's made $90k in credit card payments and wires that I have no access to see.

He makes a lot but spends more. I'm going to find a therapist today. I am literally beside myself and can't function.

We’ve operated on a his/hers/ours system that isn't great but prevents daily arguments.

Today he is golfing while I work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My husband spent $250k (refundable) and committed another $750k (that we don't have) for a hobby/investment. Never discussed; its clear that he'll never let it go if I make him get out.

He gave away my old car (I bought a new one) worth abput 15k to his relative without asking me. He's claiming I told him to do it, but I never would. This is a pattern.

Over the last two months, he's made $90k in credit card payments and wires that I have no access to see.

He makes a lot but spends more. I'm going to find a therapist today. I am literally beside myself and can't function.

We’ve operated on a his/hers/ours system that isn't great but prevents daily arguments.

Today he is golfing while I work.

Wow. We’re pretty wealthy and our hm we is $400. You’re saying he plans to spend a million dollars on a hobby? Sounds like a boat or RV but that’s not an investment since they loose value. Whats his plan to pay for it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My husband spent $250k (refundable) and committed another $750k (that we don't have) for a hobby/investment. Never discussed; its clear that he'll never let it go if I make him get out.

He gave away my old car (I bought a new one) worth abput 15k to his relative without asking me. He's claiming I told him to do it, but I never would. This is a pattern.

Over the last two months, he's made $90k in credit card payments and wires that I have no access to see.

He makes a lot but spends more. I'm going to find a therapist today. I am literally beside myself and can't function.

We’ve operated on a his/hers/ours system that isn't great but prevents daily arguments.

Today he is golfing while I work.

It’s not about how much you make, it’s all about how you spend it. Your DH has some serious issues.

[Anonymous]

He's bought quite a few 1k tools over the years. Most recently a drill press arrived. While I didn't know about it ahead of time, I wasn't upset. We had the funds and I know quality tools don't depreciate a lot.

I've bought several LV and Chanel purses without his knowledge. Now he probably wouldn't have been okay with those if he knew how much they cost. He prefers to be in denial though. We had the cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My husband spent $250k (refundable) and committed another $750k (that we don't have) for a hobby/investment. Never discussed; its clear that he'll never let it go if I make him get out.

He gave away my old car (I bought a new one) worth abput 15k to his relative without asking me. He's claiming I told him to do it, but I never would. This is a pattern.

Over the last two months, he's made $90k in credit card payments and wires that I have no access to see.

He makes a lot but spends more. I'm going to find a therapist today. I am literally beside myself and can't function.

We’ve operated on a his/hers/ours system that isn't great but prevents daily arguments.

Today he is golfing while I work.

Ewwwww. Good Luck though!

[Anonymous]

I have no idea! He has a separate credit card for “his stuff” like golf equipment but he’s not a big spender. He does make big investment decisions such as $500k into private equity without telling me but since our investments have done very well over many years I don’t grill him about it. We are both pretty thrifty so arguments about spending are extremely rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Placed two short positions that started at 250k each and ballooned to -600k and -800k each. One was closed against the box, the other I made him move against individual assets and sign a legal agreement of responsibility (short is still open).

Marriage is a landmine of exposure with the wrong person.

Piggybacking on this, is there a point at which the exposure is so great that you initiate a divorce primarily to protect yourself and your kids financially?

That's not going to work. Debt incurred within the marriage will be split during the divorce just like the assets are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My husband spent $250k (refundable) and committed another $750k (that we don't have) for a hobby/investment. Never discussed; its clear that he'll never let it go if I make him get out.

Good grief, what did he do, buy an airplane or a boat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Found out that he gives $5K every year to charity and his company matches it. This has been happening for years. And I am the person who clips coupons and shops at Aldi!

I was pissed for a moment, then I forgave him. Mainly because this is not really a bad thing, is it? And he is a stubborn man. He will not stop.

How did he do this for years without you knowing? Are you worried he’s spending more money you have no idea about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just looking for a sanity check here, as my spouse recently made a very big one.

This one almost broke off our engagement: he was above to co-sign on a slumlord property purchase agreement and mortgage in another country with his unemployed brother.
His retired parent’s gave the down payment money from their HELOC abroad and he was involved “because he had a job and they three didn’t.”

This would have zapped our credit scores, U.S. mortgage access and made our tax filings a big PITA. Plus we’re on the hook for the 40 yo unemployed brother who still lives with his parents.

They all claimed they “didn’t know” it would affect me or us as a couple.