Working moms - are we all pretending that we care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a toddler and a corporate job. Ever since having a baby, my feelings about my job have ranged between not caring at all and deep resentment. I don’t even mind my work, it just seems so trivial in comparison to the rest of my life now. Does everyone feel like this and just pretend. I work with other women who have little ones and some of them seriously talk about things like wanting to increase shareholder value and inside I’m thinking…are you nuts?

It’s not just working mothers. Most fathers feel this way.

Work is highly overrated. People who define themselves by their jobs are the saddest kind of pathetic people.

Anyone who defines themselves one-dimensionally is . . . No, forget it, I don’t feel like insulting anyone. But most people would be better off recognizing many things make them tick including not limited to work and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t sit there doing blah work when my I was missing out on my kids.

+1

That’s how I view it. I’m not home with my children so I better make that time away from them meaningful and worthwhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a toddler and a corporate job. Ever since having a baby, my feelings about my job have ranged between not caring at all and deep resentment. I don’t even mind my work, it just seems so trivial in comparison to the rest of my life now. Does everyone feel like this and just pretend. I work with other women who have little ones and some of them seriously talk about things like wanting to increase shareholder value and inside I’m thinking…are you nuts?

It’s not just working mothers. Most fathers feel this way.

Work is highly overrated. People who define themselves by their jobs are the saddest kind of pathetic people.

I think anyone who defines themselves as one thing should try to find other ways to find meaning in life. Even if you only define yourself as a parent, one day hopefully those kids will move out and be self sufficient adults. You need something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My job is the only thing from keeping us from a homeless shelter so yeah, I care about it. There are a lot of exceptions placed on us (teachers).

Do you mean expectations?
(Teachers).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I loved being a mom more than my job. My job was a way to earn money for my family. I can make do with very little material things so my choice was to become a SAHM.

But becoming a SAHM was only because we were financially ok without my paycheck.

My 2 cents is that most people work for money and not to make money for the company. Moms who work for pay are putting the need of their family above their own needs.

1) You can love and do both
2) Uh- really? Would it be acceptable to you if someone actually loved their job AND did it for themselves, not as a means for their family?

Or is all women are allowed to care about = their family

[Anonymous]

Before kids, I really loved my job. (teaching) After kids, I stayed home with my kids til they were in school full day and loved that more than I can ever imagine loving anything. When I went back to work, I loved doing both. However, now that they are in college, I don't know if it is menopause or what, but I do not care about teaching AT ALL anymore. I don't like it, I don't enjoy it and I want to do it anymore. I keep doing it because we need the money.
Even though I don't want to be in the classroom at all, I still do good work, I just don't care and I don't try to do extra. I no longer put in any extra time at all. I walk in and out with the bell. The kids still all learn like crazy, I just don't make myself crazy trying to be an amazing teacher.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate my profession, being a lawyer, for what it provides for me – intellectually stimulating work that pays me well and allows me to support myself and my family. Like a PP, a “good” job means a lot to me because I knew plenty of people who were desperate to have one and never could.

My career was my whole identity until my youngest was about two years old and I changed jobs. Being in a more low-key, individual contributor role has allowed me to do the work I enjoy, but also be present for my children. I told my husband that if we had a certain number in net worth, I would to move part time as now that my kids are a little bit older, I actually find myself wanting to be with them more and more. Also not a baby/toddler person.

Like a few other posters have said, anyone who defines himself one dimensionally is just waiting for trouble. (Ask me how I know!) Jobs end, children grow up, marriages can even end. Identity definitely has to be multidimensional.

[Anonymous]

It’s not just limited to moms. I will say that children seem to help people diversify and expand their horizons. The women at work who didn’t have kids seem incredibly focused on work since it’s their main focus in life. I don’t find it sad, but it isn’t ideal since work is well, work.

[Anonymous]

Oh the white cloak syndrome of working in govt. The federal govt is every bit just as corporate.

[Anonymous]

90 percent of jobs are just jobs not careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girl, no one actually cares. It’s a game.

This.

Once I had my child, it put life in perspective and my job was just a means to an end. I did it well and just enough to get my high ratings and bonuses and then that's it. No more extras, answering calls on weekends/holidays, etc.

In the end, DOGE came for me and so all the training, meetings, TEAMS, court hearing, coming in early/late, balancing life/work, was for nothing b/c OPM wanted to "traumatize" me. Jokes on them b/c I retired. I wish I was still working but not for the regime and so will never go back. And it is the taxpayer's loss b/c I did my job above average, even with a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh the white cloak syndrome of working in govt. The federal govt is every bit just as corporate.

Umm, I'm a federal government scientist. I'd really like to know what part of my job you think is 'just as corporate.' I wasn't joking or exaggerating - I'm here because I'm building on a body of work that I hope benefits people someday. If I wanted to be making a ton of money, I would have gone into industry a long long time ago. Try to step out of yourself sometimes and see that people have different motivations and priorities than you, and that's ok.

[Anonymous]

Most people feel this way, OP, and yes even in public sector roles. I recall a former Deputy Assistant Secretary I worked for that spent his whole career in government working on some fascinating and impactful stuff and he achieved some prominence. If you talk to him now, he’ll tell you that “90% of what I was doing was b*llshit.” There’s no point in tethering yourself to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you have a lousy career.

Doctors, teachers, nurses, nonprofit workers, journalists.... we do important things so yes we tend to care about our jobs.

This is really snarky but true. I'm at my desk reading DCUM during the work day because I'm only here for the the paycheck. It's a really lousy way to go through life and I am deeply envious of those of you who picked a fulfilling career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh the white cloak syndrome of working in govt. The federal govt is every bit just as corporate.

Umm, I'm a federal government scientist. I'd really like to know what part of my job you think is 'just as corporate.' I wasn't joking or exaggerating - I'm here because I'm building on a body of work that I hope benefits people someday. If I wanted to be making a ton of money, I would have gone into industry a long long time ago. Try to step out of yourself sometimes and see that people have different motivations and priorities than you, and that's ok.

It doesnt make you better than anyone in corporate. lots of corporate folks make money and help the world. They also dont serve as a CIA cover.