Working moms - are we all pretending that we care?

[Anonymous]

I have a toddler and a corporate job. Ever since having a baby, my feelings about my job have ranged between not caring at all and deep resentment. I don’t even mind my work, it just seems so trivial in comparison to the rest of my life now. Does everyone feel like this and just pretend. I work with other women who have little ones and some of them seriously talk about things like wanting to increase shareholder value and inside I’m thinking…are you nuts?

[Anonymous]

Girl, no one actually cares. It’s a game.

[Anonymous]

it just seems so trivial in comparison to the rest of my life now

I never felt that way. I needed my job (especially after having kids), and enjoyed my career. It allowed me to enjoy mental stimulation and interests outside of my kids. I was lucky to be able to focus on my kids 100% outside of work. There hasn't been any overlap of roles.

[Anonymous]

I felt that way when my kids were little. As they all got into school, though, I felt more grateful for my job. I admit - I don't care much about sharehold value. However I'm glad to feel like I do good in the world in the office and at home.

[Anonymous]

I cared about my job. It was important to me not to let my whole identity become “Mom.” I also felt the work I was doing was meaningful and allowed me to use my brains.

[Anonymous]

I find it hard to believe anyone really cares about increasing shareholder value regardless of parental status

[Anonymous]

I'm the terrible parent that was grateful for the break the work provided for me during the toddler years. The pandemic particularly sucked because my son was just 3 when the world shut down and I was trying to keep him entertained while I maintained my job. Plus, I loathed the years from 1-4. There is not enough money in the world anyone could pay me to go back to those years. I loved him but I am ill equipped for toddlers.

Now that my son is older, I like the financial security that my job (along with my husband's) provide. I also like my job. I'm a fed who is still 100% WAH so I have the flexibility to drive carpool or show up for a mid-day school event.

I recognize that I am very lucky.

[Anonymous]

I like my job too and it gave me much needed sanity during the toddler years. I also hated those years. Actually, scratch that, my job gives me much needed sanity even now--teen years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girl, no one actually cares. It’s a game.

It’s funny because I totally believe this, but also having kids is what made me stop free floating through my career. Spending time away from your kids, not believing in what you do, and not making yourself valuable to your company/field, felt like the worst of all possible options. So I dug in. The emotional tug to stay with a baby is real, but also I believe it’s better to have flexibility when your kids are older and facing more complex issues.

[Anonymous]

It’s kind of complicated IMO. I do prefer to work rather than stay home, for the most part. I stayed home for a year with my first and it was difficult for me. I then found a job that is flexible, low stress, and reasonably stimulating. Sometimes it feels like a nice break from the kids and sometimes I’d rather be with them. I do my job well and make sure I add value to my company. But at the end of the day, I don’t *really* care. I’d drop the job in a minute if it interfered with my time and my relationship with my kids.

[Anonymous]

I felt this way in corporate america, but not when I was working in government and a school.

[Anonymous]

If you do your job right, your children will become independent and leave you when they become adults. How would you feel fulfilled outside of that window? My kids are top priority, but my identity and value encompasses much more than mother.

[Anonymous]

I feel this too. But I look at unemployment numbers rising and I worry about my kids' future. I want their colleges fully paid and I want to give them downpayments too. So I keep working.

I'd also be a terrible SAHM. I'm very Type A so I'd run myself into the ground. I like a perfect home and I'd probably spend all day cleaning.

I will say though, now that I've RTO, I care WAY WAY less than I ever have. It really wears me out mentally being here every day.

[Anonymous]

I have periods of just working for money and periods when I care. Oddly the higher I move up in management and $ the worse the job is and then it's all about the money and spending my time efficiently so I can get back to my family. It was much easier to just work when my kids were tiny and with a nanny. Their needs were not that great. Now each kid wants me at an activity, to spend quality time and I do too and don't always have the mental energy for them after work which is terrible. I'm 45 and have 10 years left. But those are key years as mine are under 10 still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do your job right, your children will become independent and leave you when they become adults. How would you feel fulfilled outside of that window? My kids are top priority, but my identity and value encompasses much more than mother.

+1

As I rapidly approach being an empty nester, I'm grateful that I continued to invest in my career, my hobbies, and my friends while raising my kids. If I'm lucky, I have another 30-40 years of life ahead of me after "active parenting." If you convince yourself that nothing else matters beyond your kids, those years will be very very difficult.