Working moms - are we all pretending that we care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe anyone really cares about increasing shareholder value regardless of parental status

Lol this, unless they are getting a lot of direct $$ from it in their comp.

I care about my career as a part of my identity.

The day to day feels mostly pointless in comparison to how much I care about my kids. So I know what you mean OP.

Sure you care about your kids more, so do I but how much of your time with your kids is sooo incredibly pointless.

Also, depending on age 30%, 40% up top 90% of my time (when they are in HS) is being in the same house not even around my kids. Talk about pointless.

Mine are preschool and ES. I feel like very little of it is "pointless" even if it's sometimes frustrating. OP sounds like a similar stage. I can't speak to what it's like being a parent of older kids.

[Anonymous]

I feel like my job is extremely meaningful and derive a lot of personal value from it (but I’m in a helping profession). My job saved my mental health when my son was an infant and I felt like a disgusting blob of spit up and boob leaks. I kept reminding myself I was more than just a body to feed a baby.

[Anonymous]

It's really not either/or. Lots of women leave the workforce for a year or two and then go back. Mist SAHMs are temporary. The desire to be home with your kids when they are little is real, biologically driven, and dies have some benefits if you can swing it financially. That benefit dissipates as kids get older and by late elementary, at the latest, most families are likely better off with an additional income due to rising costs of everything.

And then there is individual variation. Some people enjoy being home with young kids, others don't. There's no right or wrong there. If you hate the toddler phase, your kids are likely better off with a professional caregiver and a happy mom. If childcare where you live is insanely expensive or options are really limited, you might not be able to get the care you want without a SAHM. It just depends and everyone makes their own choices.

[Anonymous]

I am grateful for the salary and health insurance. I am grateful my job helps people. But yes once I had my child I stopped caring all that much.

[Anonymous]

I’m like the OP. My priorities completely changed after kids. I still work to make money but do not care about my job at all and think it is pretty meaningless (besides the money and security).

[Anonymous]

I care because I have an equity interest and kids to launch. I have a colleague who clearly doesn't care, and it's hard trying to figure out how to let them go because they have become a liability gently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never felt this way. When I’m working I’m fully invested and not thinking about my kids at all. When I’m with my kids, I’m focused on them and not thinking about work.

I think what you’re experiencing might mean that you don’t value your current job/career. It’s good that you’re realizing this. The question is what next? Job search? Take a break? I think it’s worth looking for a job that you do like.

Same. I love my job (also in government) and I really like the people I work with, which helps. I also enjoy the time with my kids. But I am not a baby/toddler person. My job definitely kept me sane when my kids were young. Now they're in elementary school, I would like to spend a few hours a week less on my job in order to spend more time with the kids and make logistics easier; but that's not an option. In any event, I don't spend my work time thinking deeply about kid stuff; and when I am with the kids I am mostly able to turn off work unless I have a stressful deadline.

[Anonymous]

I care because I work with public health and it’s important to me.

[Anonymous]

I’m not pretending all that well. Over the years it’s gotten harder and harder to hide my annoyance with the corporate BS. I’m here for the paycheck.

[Anonymous]

I'm not pretending, I love my job.

[Anonymous]

I’m equally annoyed by corporate bs and parenting young kids. Both suck but in different ways. At least work comes with a paycheck and I can sit in a chair for hours without someone interrupting me to get up and get them something.

[Anonymous]

My youngest is 20 and yes I've faked caring about work this whole time. I'm glad I did though because I've been the main breadwinner, have college costs all covered, and a very healthy 401(k). I pretend to care in exchange for money. Seems like a fair exchange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe anyone really cares about increasing shareholder value regardless of parental status

I agree but there are a subset of almost exclusively men who deeply deeply care about shareholder value and find great meaning in producing it

LOL no this is just stuff they say to outsiders. these people are just compulsive workaholics / have ADD / 0 imagination

[Anonymous]

I have not read all the responses but as a relatively senior leader at my company (who is also a mom of 3), I find that sometimes the biggest problem is the employees without kids who care too much. They often get super worked up about very petty things (getting upset about which meetings they are not invited to, etc). whereas the parents tend to be more zen and keep it in perspective, which makes them better at their jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe anyone really cares about increasing shareholder value regardless of parental status

Lol this, unless they are getting a lot of direct $$ from it in their comp.

I care about my career as a part of my identity.

The day to day feels mostly pointless in comparison to how much I care about my kids. So I know what you mean OP.

Sure you care about your kids more, so do I but how much of your time with your kids is sooo incredibly pointless.

Also, depending on age 30%, 40% up top 90% of my time (when they are in HS) is being in the same house not even around my kids. Talk about pointless.

Mine are preschool and ES. I feel like very little of it is "pointless" even if it's sometimes frustrating. OP sounds like a similar stage. I can't speak to what it's like being a parent of older kids.

Really? You think sitting on a bench at a park while they play isn’t pointless, or sitting in your house while they nap, or dress up.