Why did preschool teachers care that my daughter hummed when she ate? I regret getting her to stop.

[Anonymous]

Because you need to teach kids that their personal happiness is only one factor. They need to learn to be considerate to those around them. Humming while eating is annoying to everyone else.

If you need to see it from the selfish perspective because you truly don’t care about anyone else, your child will be ridiculed and ostracized if they are annoying. They will be treated better if not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is neurodivergent and has some stimming behaviors like this. Not this specific one, but she makes a specific noise when she's concentrating (impossible to replicate, it's like a clicking in her throat). We understand this is a self soothing behavior and it's very satisfying to her, but we also know that if she continues to do it, it will annoy peers, teachers, coworkers, friends, etc. So we have talked to her about being self-aware about it and trying to only do it when she is alone. She has actually been pretty successful with this.

It's very hard as a parent of an ND kid because I am actually NOT trying to "norm" her -- her neurodivergence is pretty apparent to most people who interact with her and we are more than okay with that. But we feel we have an obligation to her to help her with certain habits that could become real obstacles to living a fulfilling life.

I also have some ND behaviors and I wound up talking to her about stims I do that are silent or unobtrusive. She wound up adopting a kind of nodding head jerk instead of the sound. She's literally doing it right now while reading next to me lol. It's still the kind of think that will annoy some people, but it's less disruptive than the sound so we've encouraged the switch.

What happens if your ND child is next to an ND child who is disturbed by jerky movements?

Then those two kids probably shouldn't be seated next to one another which is not that hard to accomplish. But a jerky movement while reading is going to be less disruptive to 99% of people than a repeated vocalization, so it's still preferable and will make life easier for my kid. Again, I'm not trying to eliminate all evidence of her neurodivergence, I'm trying to help her find a way to navigate the world WITH her neurodivergence. One method for that is to find stims that are less obtrusive and less likely to hold her back socially or professionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because you need to teach kids that their personal happiness is only one factor. They need to learn to be considerate to those around them. Humming while eating is annoying to everyone else.

If you need to see it from the selfish perspective because you truly don’t care about anyone else, your child will be ridiculed and ostracized if they are annoying. They will be treated better if not.

Does everyone hate it or just a small but vocal group?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is neurodivergent and has some stimming behaviors like this. Not this specific one, but she makes a specific noise when she's concentrating (impossible to replicate, it's like a clicking in her throat). We understand this is a self soothing behavior and it's very satisfying to her, but we also know that if she continues to do it, it will annoy peers, teachers, coworkers, friends, etc. So we have talked to her about being self-aware about it and trying to only do it when she is alone. She has actually been pretty successful with this.

It's very hard as a parent of an ND kid because I am actually NOT trying to "norm" her -- her neurodivergence is pretty apparent to most people who interact with her and we are more than okay with that. But we feel we have an obligation to her to help her with certain habits that could become real obstacles to living a fulfilling life.

I also have some ND behaviors and I wound up talking to her about stims I do that are silent or unobtrusive. She wound up adopting a kind of nodding head jerk instead of the sound. She's literally doing it right now while reading next to me lol. It's still the kind of think that will annoy some people, but it's less disruptive than the sound so we've encouraged the switch.

What happens if your ND child is next to an ND child who is disturbed by jerky movements?

Then those two kids probably shouldn't be seated next to one another which is not that hard to accomplish. But a jerky movement while reading is going to be less disruptive to 99% of people than a repeated vocalization, so it's still preferable and will make life easier for my kid. Again, I'm not trying to eliminate all evidence of her neurodivergence, I'm trying to help her find a way to navigate the world WITH her neurodivergence. One method for that is to find stims that are less obtrusive and less likely to hold her back socially or professionally.

+1 also why many kids are encouraged to put their hands in their pockets rather than flapping in the cafeteria line, etc

[Anonymous]

My MIL hums constantly. It’s annoying and weird. It’s part of her constant need for attention.

[Anonymous]

humming while eating can lead to choking so I would not regret that op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:humming while eating can lead to choking so I would not regret that op.

How?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is neurodivergent and has some stimming behaviors like this. Not this specific one, but she makes a specific noise when she's concentrating (impossible to replicate, it's like a clicking in her throat). We understand this is a self soothing behavior and it's very satisfying to her, but we also know that if she continues to do it, it will annoy peers, teachers, coworkers, friends, etc. So we have talked to her about being self-aware about it and trying to only do it when she is alone. She has actually been pretty successful with this.

It's very hard as a parent of an ND kid because I am actually NOT trying to "norm" her -- her neurodivergence is pretty apparent to most people who interact with her and we are more than okay with that. But we feel we have an obligation to her to help her with certain habits that could become real obstacles to living a fulfilling life.

I also have some ND behaviors and I wound up talking to her about stims I do that are silent or unobtrusive. She wound up adopting a kind of nodding head jerk instead of the sound. She's literally doing it right now while reading next to me lol. It's still the kind of think that will annoy some people, but it's less disruptive than the sound so we've encouraged the switch.

What happens if your ND child is next to an ND child who is disturbed by jerky movements?

Then those two kids probably shouldn't be seated next to one another which is not that hard to accomplish. But a jerky movement while reading is going to be less disruptive to 99% of people than a repeated vocalization, so it's still preferable and will make life easier for my kid. Again, I'm not trying to eliminate all evidence of her neurodivergence, I'm trying to help her find a way to navigate the world WITH her neurodivergence. One method for that is to find stims that are less obtrusive and less likely to hold her back socially or professionally.

+1 also why many kids are encouraged to put their hands in their pockets rather than flapping in the cafeteria line, etc

That's a social faux pas. Why would you encourage kids to play pocket pool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is neurodivergent and has some stimming behaviors like this. Not this specific one, but she makes a specific noise when she's concentrating (impossible to replicate, it's like a clicking in her throat). We understand this is a self soothing behavior and it's very satisfying to her, but we also know that if she continues to do it, it will annoy peers, teachers, coworkers, friends, etc. So we have talked to her about being self-aware about it and trying to only do it when she is alone. She has actually been pretty successful with this.

It's very hard as a parent of an ND kid because I am actually NOT trying to "norm" her -- her neurodivergence is pretty apparent to most people who interact with her and we are more than okay with that. But we feel we have an obligation to her to help her with certain habits that could become real obstacles to living a fulfilling life.

I also have some ND behaviors and I wound up talking to her about stims I do that are silent or unobtrusive. She wound up adopting a kind of nodding head jerk instead of the sound. She's literally doing it right now while reading next to me lol. It's still the kind of think that will annoy some people, but it's less disruptive than the sound so we've encouraged the switch.

What happens if your ND child is next to an ND child who is disturbed by jerky movements?

Then those two kids probably shouldn't be seated next to one another which is not that hard to accomplish. But a jerky movement while reading is going to be less disruptive to 99% of people than a repeated vocalization, so it's still preferable and will make life easier for my kid. Again, I'm not trying to eliminate all evidence of her neurodivergence, I'm trying to help her find a way to navigate the world WITH her neurodivergence. One method for that is to find stims that are less obtrusive and less likely to hold her back socially or professionally.

+1 also why many kids are encouraged to put their hands in their pockets rather than flapping in the cafeteria line, etc

That's a social faux pas. Why would you encourage kids to play pocket pool?

I didn't say that I did. I'm sharing what I know has been encouraged by some teachers and clinics for kids with ASD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is neurodivergent and has some stimming behaviors like this. Not this specific one, but she makes a specific noise when she's concentrating (impossible to replicate, it's like a clicking in her throat). We understand this is a self soothing behavior and it's very satisfying to her, but we also know that if she continues to do it, it will annoy peers, teachers, coworkers, friends, etc. So we have talked to her about being self-aware about it and trying to only do it when she is alone. She has actually been pretty successful with this.

It's very hard as a parent of an ND kid because I am actually NOT trying to "norm" her -- her neurodivergence is pretty apparent to most people who interact with her and we are more than okay with that. But we feel we have an obligation to her to help her with certain habits that could become real obstacles to living a fulfilling life.

I also have some ND behaviors and I wound up talking to her about stims I do that are silent or unobtrusive. She wound up adopting a kind of nodding head jerk instead of the sound. She's literally doing it right now while reading next to me lol. It's still the kind of think that will annoy some people, but it's less disruptive than the sound so we've encouraged the switch.

What happens if your ND child is next to an ND child who is disturbed by jerky movements?

Then those two kids probably shouldn't be seated next to one another which is not that hard to accomplish. But a jerky movement while reading is going to be less disruptive to 99% of people than a repeated vocalization, so it's still preferable and will make life easier for my kid. Again, I'm not trying to eliminate all evidence of her neurodivergence, I'm trying to help her find a way to navigate the world WITH her neurodivergence. One method for that is to find stims that are less obtrusive and less likely to hold her back socially or professionally.

+1 also why many kids are encouraged to put their hands in their pockets rather than flapping in the cafeteria line, etc

That's a social faux pas. Why would you encourage kids to play pocket pool?

It is sometimes recommended.
https://www.mayinstitute.org/news/acl/asd-and-dd-adult-focused/reducing-self-stimulatory-behaviors-in-individuals-with-autism/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is neurodivergent and has some stimming behaviors like this. Not this specific one, but she makes a specific noise when she's concentrating (impossible to replicate, it's like a clicking in her throat). We understand this is a self soothing behavior and it's very satisfying to her, but we also know that if she continues to do it, it will annoy peers, teachers, coworkers, friends, etc. So we have talked to her about being self-aware about it and trying to only do it when she is alone. She has actually been pretty successful with this.

It's very hard as a parent of an ND kid because I am actually NOT trying to "norm" her -- her neurodivergence is pretty apparent to most people who interact with her and we are more than okay with that. But we feel we have an obligation to her to help her with certain habits that could become real obstacles to living a fulfilling life.

I also have some ND behaviors and I wound up talking to her about stims I do that are silent or unobtrusive. She wound up adopting a kind of nodding head jerk instead of the sound. She's literally doing it right now while reading next to me lol. It's still the kind of think that will annoy some people, but it's less disruptive than the sound so we've encouraged the switch.

What happens if your ND child is next to an ND child who is disturbed by jerky movements?

Then those two kids probably shouldn't be seated next to one another which is not that hard to accomplish. But a jerky movement while reading is going to be less disruptive to 99% of people than a repeated vocalization, so it's still preferable and will make life easier for my kid. Again, I'm not trying to eliminate all evidence of her neurodivergence, I'm trying to help her find a way to navigate the world WITH her neurodivergence. One method for that is to find stims that are less obtrusive and less likely to hold her back socially or professionally.

+1 also why many kids are encouraged to put their hands in their pockets rather than flapping in the cafeteria line, etc

That's a social faux pas. Why would you encourage kids to play pocket pool?

It is sometimes recommended.
https://www.mayinstitute.org/news/acl/asd-and-dd-adult-focused/reducing-self-stimulatory-behaviors-in-individuals-with-autism/

However, polite society considers this rude. Likely, as rude as humming in public. Children should stand at attention until called upon, Baroness von Trapp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the things I regret from my oldest child’s life. She’s in high school now but she went to two preschools and each time a teacher commented that she hummed when she ate lunch and snacks and that I needed to work on that with her and teach her not to. I did and she stopped humming during meals but looking back, she was just happy and enjoying her food.

What did it matter to the schools? Why should little kids not hum when they eat?

Ah! So you're annoying as your DD. Too bad she doesn't have a parent who will actually help her get along in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is neurodivergent and has some stimming behaviors like this. Not this specific one, but she makes a specific noise when she's concentrating (impossible to replicate, it's like a clicking in her throat). We understand this is a self soothing behavior and it's very satisfying to her, but we also know that if she continues to do it, it will annoy peers, teachers, coworkers, friends, etc. So we have talked to her about being self-aware about it and trying to only do it when she is alone. She has actually been pretty successful with this.

It's very hard as a parent of an ND kid because I am actually NOT trying to "norm" her -- her neurodivergence is pretty apparent to most people who interact with her and we are more than okay with that. But we feel we have an obligation to her to help her with certain habits that could become real obstacles to living a fulfilling life.

I also have some ND behaviors and I wound up talking to her about stims I do that are silent or unobtrusive. She wound up adopting a kind of nodding head jerk instead of the sound. She's literally doing it right now while reading next to me lol. It's still the kind of think that will annoy some people, but it's less disruptive than the sound so we've encouraged the switch.

What happens if your ND child is next to an ND child who is disturbed by jerky movements?

Then those two kids probably shouldn't be seated next to one another which is not that hard to accomplish. But a jerky movement while reading is going to be less disruptive to 99% of people than a repeated vocalization, so it's still preferable and will make life easier for my kid. Again, I'm not trying to eliminate all evidence of her neurodivergence, I'm trying to help her find a way to navigate the world WITH her neurodivergence. One method for that is to find stims that are less obtrusive and less likely to hold her back socially or professionally.

+1 also why many kids are encouraged to put their hands in their pockets rather than flapping in the cafeteria line, etc

That's a social faux pas. Why would you encourage kids to play pocket pool?

It is sometimes recommended.
https://www.mayinstitute.org/news/acl/asd-and-dd-adult-focused/reducing-self-stimulatory-behaviors-in-individuals-with-autism/

However, polite society considers this rude. Likely, as rude as humming in public. Children should stand at attention until called upon, Baroness von Trapp.

You might be surprised to hear the recommendation that teenage boys with ASD who self stimulate at school and get an erection should wear heavy jeans. It's to help kids be more successful socially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the things I regret from my oldest child’s life. She’s in high school now but she went to two preschools and each time a teacher commented that she hummed when she ate lunch and snacks and that I needed to work on that with her and teach her not to. I did and she stopped humming during meals but looking back, she was just happy and enjoying her food.

What did it matter to the schools? Why should little kids not hum when they eat?

Because they’re jack offs.

[Anonymous]

My DH was a hummer at school. At home he was a chatterbox. He talked a lot, even playing by himself at home. He outgrew it