Why did preschool teachers care that my daughter hummed when she ate? I regret getting her to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Annoying sounds can be ignored, tolerated, and allowed by understanding adults. Unfortunately, classmates will often form negative opinions of kids who make distracting/annoying noises like humming, burping, yawning loudly, cracking knuckles, making popping or smacking noises with their mouths, farting, and drumming their fingers. These are socially unacceptable behaviors that can matter when trying to make friends at school.

You don't know any young boys.

Oh, but I do! I've also taught school long enough to know that kids pick up quickly on classmates who seem "different" as opposed to an impulsive kid (usually boys) trying to be funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Annoying sounds can be ignored, tolerated, and allowed by understanding adults. Unfortunately, classmates will often form negative opinions of kids who make distracting/annoying noises like humming, burping, yawning loudly, cracking knuckles, making popping or smacking noises with their mouths, farting, and drumming their fingers. These are socially unacceptable behaviors that can matter when trying to make friends at school.

This. It's not that people can't or shouldn't learn to tolerate these kinds of quirks in people. I'm 45, I've had classmates, coworkers, roommates and neighbors who did things I found annoying, and I've dealt with it and even liked many of those people anyway. But I'm a pretty tolerant, understanding person generally. And even I have my limits.

Discouraging these behaviors in kids, or suggesting they try to limit them to when they are alone or at home, is not about trying to "norm" your kid or reject their neurodivergence. It's about helping them make a good impression and socialize them for being around other people, something that is absolutely essential for human beings.

Think of it this way: do you discourage your kid from picking their nose in public? Or wiping their face on their shirt? Or scratching their butt or their balls? Well that can be hard for kids to stop doing but most parents work to socialize hem out of it. This is honestly no different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe there is all this animosity towards humming. The world is changing for the worse.

I’m not sure that this represents a change. Do you ever see those 1950s videos aimed at teaching school children appropriate behavior? Humming would have been stamped out asap. I suppose a difference here is that it would have been stamped out a year or two later in kindergarten instead of preschool.

that was 75 years ago, and I thought we had moved to a better place, but apparently we have reversed course and regressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Annoying sounds can be ignored, tolerated, and allowed by understanding adults. Unfortunately, classmates will often form negative opinions of kids who make distracting/annoying noises like humming, burping, yawning loudly, cracking knuckles, making popping or smacking noises with their mouths, farting, and drumming their fingers. These are socially unacceptable behaviors that can matter when trying to make friends at school.

This. It's not that people can't or shouldn't learn to tolerate these kinds of quirks in people. I'm 45, I've had classmates, coworkers, roommates and neighbors who did things I found annoying, and I've dealt with it and even liked many of those people anyway. But I'm a pretty tolerant, understanding person generally. And even I have my limits.

Discouraging these behaviors in kids, or suggesting they try to limit them to when they are alone or at home, is not about trying to "norm" your kid or reject their neurodivergence. It's about helping them make a good impression and socialize them for being around other people, something that is absolutely essential for human beings.

Think of it this way: do you discourage your kid from picking their nose in public? Or wiping their face on their shirt? Or scratching their butt or their balls? Well that can be hard for kids to stop doing but most parents work to socialize hem out of it. This is honestly no different.

+1 exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe there is all this animosity towards humming. The world is changing for the worse.

I’m not sure that this represents a change. Do you ever see those 1950s videos aimed at teaching school children appropriate behavior? Humming would have been stamped out asap. I suppose a difference here is that it would have been stamped out a year or two later in kindergarten instead of preschool.

that was 75 years ago, and I thought we had moved to a better place, but apparently we have reversed course and regressed.

It's not a matter of regression when helping your child learn social and interpersonal skills that will help him or her form friendships in school and throughout life.

[Anonymous]

The teachers were right. Social skills and table manners require things like not talking with your mouth full, no lip smacking, no humming, no belching

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter (19) will still sometimes hum happily if the food is really good. It's cute.

You are the only one who perceives this as "cute." Why would you allow your child to get to this age with this habit? Other people will view your 19 year old daughter "humming happily" as she eats as bizarre and annoying. You have failed your daughter in this regard.

+1

That will drive most people away and it is definitely not "cute"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Annoying sounds can be ignored, tolerated, and allowed by understanding adults. Unfortunately, classmates will often form negative opinions of kids who make distracting/annoying noises like humming, burping, yawning loudly, cracking knuckles, making popping or smacking noises with their mouths, farting, and drumming their fingers. These are socially unacceptable behaviors that can matter when trying to make friends at school.

This. It's not that people can't or shouldn't learn to tolerate these kinds of quirks in people. I'm 45, I've had classmates, coworkers, roommates and neighbors who did things I found annoying, and I've dealt with it and even liked many of those people anyway. But I'm a pretty tolerant, understanding person generally. And even I have my limits.

Discouraging these behaviors in kids, or suggesting they try to limit them to when they are alone or at home, is not about trying to "norm" your kid or reject their neurodivergence. It's about helping them make a good impression and socialize them for being around other people, something that is absolutely essential for human beings.

Think of it this way: do you discourage your kid from picking their nose in public? Or wiping their face on their shirt? Or scratching their butt or their balls? Well that can be hard for kids to stop doing but most parents work to socialize hem out of it. This is honestly no different.

+1 exactly

Agree. My neurodivergent 11yo DS does some of things, (laying beside me right now taking to himself a and making weird sounds), and it has definitely affected his ability to make friends.

[Anonymous]

School cafeterias are noisy enough without people making extra noise by themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the things I regret from my oldest child’s life. She’s in high school now but she went to two preschools and each time a teacher commented that she hummed when she ate lunch and snacks and that I needed to work on that with her and teach her not to. I did and she stopped humming during meals but looking back, she was just happy and enjoying her food.

What did it matter to the schools? Why should little kids not hum when they eat?

Because humming is annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe there is all this animosity towards humming. The world is changing for the worse.

I’m not sure that this represents a change. Do you ever see those 1950s videos aimed at teaching school children appropriate behavior? Humming would have been stamped out asap. I suppose a difference here is that it would have been stamped out a year or two later in kindergarten instead of preschool.

that was 75 years ago, and I thought we had moved to a better place, but apparently we have reversed course and regressed.

That's your takeaway? In 1950 there would be no diagnosis or compassion but there might have been a ruler to the hand or a paddle to the butt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the things I regret from my oldest child’s life. She’s in high school now but she went to two preschools and each time a teacher commented that she hummed when she ate lunch and snacks and that I needed to work on that with her and teach her not to. I did and she stopped humming during meals but looking back, she was just happy and enjoying her food.

What did it matter to the schools? Why should little kids not hum when they eat?

You have had a magical life if this is really one of your regrets as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is neurodivergent and has some stimming behaviors like this. Not this specific one, but she makes a specific noise when she's concentrating (impossible to replicate, it's like a clicking in her throat). We understand this is a self soothing behavior and it's very satisfying to her, but we also know that if she continues to do it, it will annoy peers, teachers, coworkers, friends, etc. So we have talked to her about being self-aware about it and trying to only do it when she is alone. She has actually been pretty successful with this.

It's very hard as a parent of an ND kid because I am actually NOT trying to "norm" her -- her neurodivergence is pretty apparent to most people who interact with her and we are more than okay with that. But we feel we have an obligation to her to help her with certain habits that could become real obstacles to living a fulfilling life.

I also have some ND behaviors and I wound up talking to her about stims I do that are silent or unobtrusive. She wound up adopting a kind of nodding head jerk instead of the sound. She's literally doing it right now while reading next to me lol. It's still the kind of think that will annoy some people, but it's less disruptive than the sound so we've encouraged the switch.

What happens if your ND child is next to an ND child who is disturbed by jerky movements?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe there is all this animosity towards humming. The world is changing for the worse.

I’m not sure that this represents a change. Do you ever see those 1950s videos aimed at teaching school children appropriate behavior? Humming would have been stamped out asap. I suppose a difference here is that it would have been stamped out a year or two later in kindergarten instead of preschool.

that was 75 years ago, and I thought we had moved to a better place, but apparently we have reversed course and regressed.

Core group dynamics haven’t changed in thousands of years. This behavior would have been challenged in Plato’s time, the 1950s, and now. There is no regression here because there is nothing to regress from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Annoying sounds can be ignored, tolerated, and allowed by understanding adults. Unfortunately, classmates will often form negative opinions of kids who make distracting/annoying noises like humming, burping, yawning loudly, cracking knuckles, making popping or smacking noises with their mouths, farting, and drumming their fingers. These are socially unacceptable behaviors that can matter when trying to make friends at school.

This. It's not that people can't or shouldn't learn to tolerate these kinds of quirks in people. I'm 45, I've had classmates, coworkers, roommates and neighbors who did things I found annoying, and I've dealt with it and even liked many of those people anyway. But I'm a pretty tolerant, understanding person generally. And even I have my limits.

Discouraging these behaviors in kids, or suggesting they try to limit them to when they are alone or at home, is not about trying to "norm" your kid or reject their neurodivergence. It's about helping them make a good impression and socialize them for being around other people, something that is absolutely essential for human beings.

Think of it this way: do you discourage your kid from picking their nose in public? Or wiping their face on their shirt? Or scratching their butt or their balls? Well that can be hard for kids to stop doing but most parents work to socialize hem out of it. This is honestly no different.

+1 Op, you are still fretting this 17 or so years later? That needs analyzed. Let it go.