How do you deal with your child's disappointment for not getting into their "dream" school or highly ranked one?

[Anonymous]

College admissions are like a lottery these days. The positive aspect of this is that your daughter will find other students like her. Start getting to know the college better through social media. It will grow on you guys. What others think doesn't matter. They will soon move on to the next piece of gossip.
Feeling disappointed is very normal though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was our generation (Gen X) this caught up in colleges? I don't remember this much anguish. It is concerning.

Absolutely but it was way easier to get in.
Yield protection also makes safeties less safe. It’s a mess all around.

Things were much more straightforward then. You generally knew where you stood based on your grades and your SAT scores and you applied to five or six schools knowing you’d get into most of them. Maybe one was a reach and a roll of the dice. If your parents didn’t have money you applied to in-state schools.

The whole thing is a crazy exercise now, with gaming from both the schools and the applicants. We’ll be facing it in a couple of years and I’m dreading it.

Not getting in any interesting colleges & the lack of viable safeties are problems that disappear if you are able to overcome the provincial fixation on colleges in the Northeast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was our generation (Gen X) this caught up in colleges? I don't remember this much anguish. It is concerning.

Absolutely but it was way easier to get in.
Yield protection also makes safeties less safe. It’s a mess all around.

Things were much more straightforward then. You generally knew where you stood based on your grades and your SAT scores and you applied to five or six schools knowing you’d get into most of them. Maybe one was a reach and a roll of the dice. If your parents didn’t have money you applied to in-state schools.

The whole thing is a crazy exercise now, with gaming from both the schools and the applicants. We’ll be facing it in a couple of years and I’m dreading it.

Not getting in any interesting colleges & the lack of viable safeties are problems that disappear if you are able to overcome the provincial fixation on colleges in the Northeast.

The Northeast rocks!

[Anonymous]

There are lots of schools where you can be happy and successful. It's harmful to humor the idea of a "dream school" in this landscape.

As adults, it's our job to gently nudge our teenagers/young adults away from this kind of immature, fantastical thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was our generation (Gen X) this caught up in colleges? I don't remember this much anguish. It is concerning.

Absolutely but it was way easier to get in.
Yield protection also makes safeties less safe. It’s a mess all around.

Things were much more straightforward then. You generally knew where you stood based on your grades and your SAT scores and you applied to five or six schools knowing you’d get into most of them. Maybe one was a reach and a roll of the dice. If your parents didn’t have money you applied to in-state schools.

The whole thing is a crazy exercise now, with gaming from both the schools and the applicants. We’ll be facing it in a couple of years and I’m dreading it.

Not getting in any interesting colleges & the lack of viable safeties are problems that disappear if you are able to overcome the provincial fixation on colleges in the Northeast.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD was devastated when she was deferred (and late WL) at her top choice while her good friend, who is super pretty, rich, popular and attended at top boarding school, got in. DD has always felt competitive with her (though I don’t think it went in the other direction) and was determined to go to a top school. All we could do was console her and tell her to make the best of what she had. She’s now in a top ranked program at a 60ish ranked school and says it is the best place for her. You can tell them all you want that it works out, but they won’t believe you until you do.

Also, you have to stop comparing your family to others.

omg wha5 is wrong with you ?

Your kid isn’t bright move on.

Your DD friend had a better education and is a better test taker and is better period

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is shattered, she did quite well in high school but could have done more in extracurriculars and clubs. She decided to go to local, liberal arts college vs. direct into a business program for now. I, too, am bummed. All our circle of friends and daughter's friends will be attending top schools next year. I wish I never interacted with anyone at her school, I am asked constantly about DD. I tell (her &) them I am proud of her and her achievements, etc. I wish I had a stronger comeback to not get that shrug look from others.

I wanted to take DD away for a weekend but she just wants to hide, so to speak. Suggestions/advice?

I’d hate to be your kid.

+1

[Anonymous]

Happiness is not tied to a particular school. Give your daughter a few months. With any luck, she will thrive at her school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is shattered, she did quite well in high school but could have done more in extracurriculars and clubs. She decided to go to local, liberal arts college vs. direct into a business program for now. I, too, am bummed. All our circle of friends and daughter's friends will be attending top schools next year. I wish I never interacted with anyone at her school, I am asked constantly about DD. I tell (her &) them I am proud of her and her achievements, etc. I wish I had a stronger comeback to not get that shrug look from others.

I wanted to take DD away for a weekend but she just wants to hide, so to speak. Suggestions/advice?

It builds character. For both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was our generation (Gen X) this caught up in colleges? I don't remember this much anguish. It is concerning.

Absolutely but it was way easier to get in.
Yield protection also makes safeties less safe. It’s a mess all around.

Things were much more straightforward then. You generally knew where you stood based on your grades and your SAT scores and you applied to five or six schools knowing you’d get into most of them. Maybe one was a reach and a roll of the dice. If your parents didn’t have money you applied to in-state schools.

The whole thing is a crazy exercise now, with gaming from both the schools and the applicants. We’ll be facing it in a couple of years and I’m dreading it.

Not getting in any interesting colleges & the lack of viable safeties are problems that disappear if you are able to overcome the provincial fixation on colleges in the Northeast.

And there are colleges in the northeast that ave high admit rates.

UNH, 87%, T100 give or take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is only a problem for you because your "circle" is a group of people who believe only a "top" school is acceptable.

Maybe rethink your circle. In our circle, parents happily cheer for Tech, JMU, Mason, etc. (in addition to UVA, Ivy's, whatever.)

UVA shouldn't be grouped in with Ivies. Thanks.

I think people around here group UVA with ivy for the same reason as folks in Michigan, NC, Califoria, Texas.

If I had to list the schools outside of ivy+ I would pay for over UVA it would be a pretty short list.