Moms with fancy jobs

[Anonymous]

So I assume fancy means $$?

I have an Ivy League degree. Was working in a glamorous field but not getting paid much for the hours. Used my degree to leverage into a much more boring field that is technical and boring but high pay and flexible hours and wfh. Agree with the poster that says as a mom you need to get paid more for your time and work less.

For me that means a technical job that’s highly skilled but not necessarily exciting. I would love to switch to something like teaching but the pay is just not there. Every hour I’m away from my kids needs to be worth a lot to me. Mom of three. Have an involved spouse and a nanny for 30 hours a week. Work 20 hours a week for 70k. Dh earns just under 200. We spend very conservatively especially on house but prioritize a good public school district (exurb). It’s a good life for us we are happy. No regrets about leaving my ‘fancy’ field, or buying a smaller house on one salary, those are the best decisions we made. My takeaway: Don’t do what you love do what compensates your precious time appropriately while enabling work life flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an involved husband and a nanny 50 hours per week.

+1 Three adults needed for 2 kids, particularly when they're small.

Yes to this! I called our nanny my wife, and she was crucial when our kids were younger and my husband had to travel internationally.

Yes you can't have a 1:1 ratio of kids to adults. DH and I together can handle exactly one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Thank you for being honest that one kid is the key. I assume the one kid is also healthy and neurotypical.

Actually no, pretty moderate SN. ASD/ADHD. That's why i was PT when he was young - we had a lot of time consuming stressful problems back then, kicked out of preschools etc. Starting around 2nd grade, though, we figured out his SN make him probably less time consuming than NT kids because he has less social life and less extracurriculars. It was only in 6th grade that he started needing to get driven around after school a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Wow you are my hero! We do a lot of the same things where have dinner together every night, never had a nanny and I'm basically the SAHM but I also have a job making only $250k. How do I level up my salary like you?

Are you willing to go to law school? kidding not kidding but that's why i make so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

[Anonymous]

What's fancy? I have a fancy-ish title but work for a trade association. Make about $240K. I've been there eons so wasn't in this role when the kids were little. But here's what helped with the juggle:

1) Went to 4 days a week from when my oldest was born to when my youngest (#2) was in FT preschool at about 4.
2) Nannyshared for many years and we hosted 95% of the time so had no packing or pick-up to do.
3) Nowadays...DH WFH 3-4 days a week and makes supper
4) We live a 5 min walk or a 2 min drive away from the grocery store. We pop in however needed for stuff. Also do Hello Fresh
5) Once a month cleaning service

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

I think this is a troll. My DD is in middle school and there is not one single parent at the bus stop. Why do you need to go to your middle schooler's bus stop with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither role gets done well. Lots of guilt on both ends.

100%. With some rare exceptions, if you want a successful career, your family life will suffer. If you prioritize your family, your career suffers. All the men VPs at my company have SAH wives. The women are all either single or have a stay at home spouse or spouse with a lower level, flexible job.

Now that my kids are close to graduating HS, I regret all the time and effort I spent climbing the ladder at the expense of family time. On the flip side, if I hadn’t done so, we would not have had the same lifestyle- the big house, private schools, etc. If I had a do-over, I might have made different choices.

When my kids hit late middle school/early high school, I quit. We had enough money, my DH ramped up his work (and got bigger and bigger and more lucrative jobs, funny how that works) so that I could focus more on them and their activities. They seemed to need me more as they go older, and my work involved A LOT of international travel.

I read a couple of articles/studies that showed when a woman reduces her workload or quits, it almost always benefits her husband's career. Not so the other way around. Interesting and says a lot about our corporate culture.

DH and I earned around the same when we had our first child. His career also skyrocketed when I stopped working. He now earns millions.

We know many successful women. Some sound more impressive on paper. The women at the very top have husbands who are the default parent. These marriages don’t seem to work the same way having a SAHM does. The most successful women we know are divorced or in unhappy marriages where either the wife or husband or both are cheating. The dynamic of being a CEO with a SAHD emasculates the man and the weaker husband is unfortunately not respected by the wife or society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

I think this is a troll. My DD is in middle school and there is not one single parent at the bus stop. Why do you need to go to your middle schooler's bus stop with him?

Not the pp. my kid attends private middle school and we have to drive to the bus stop. The public school bus stop is also almost a mile away and the majority of parents drop their kids off at the bus stop and pick them up from the bus stop in the afternoon. In fcps, you can be as far as 1.5 miles from the bus stop. I literally just called about a far bus stop and ask told elementary is up to 1 mile and middle and high school is up to 1.5 miles from the bus stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Wow you are my hero! We do a lot of the same things where have dinner together every night, never had a nanny and I'm basically the SAHM but I also have a job making only $250k. How do I level up my salary like you?

Are you willing to go to law school? kidding not kidding but that's why i make so much.

I did go to law school, and still only got to $250k but it's worth it to be able to SAHM when my kids is awake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

I think this is a troll. My DD is in middle school and there is not one single parent at the bus stop. Why do you need to go to your middle schooler's bus stop with him?

Not the pp. my kid attends private middle school and we have to drive to the bus stop. The public school bus stop is also almost a mile away and the majority of parents drop their kids off at the bus stop and pick them up from the bus stop in the afternoon. In fcps, you can be as far as 1.5 miles from the bus stop. I literally just called about a far bus stop and ask told elementary is up to 1 mile and middle and high school is up to 1.5 miles from the bus stop.

Dang. I'm not in the DMV and our stops are all like a few blocks away. Although, what is wrong with having a middle schooler walk a mile?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

I think this is a troll. My DD is in middle school and there is not one single parent at the bus stop. Why do you need to go to your middle schooler's bus stop with him?

Weird thing to call troll on. I'm the PP; Ds's bus stop is across a commercial 6-lane road where the speed is typically around 55mph and doesn't have a reliable crosswalk. We used to walk to the stop together when he was in ES, but even i found it stressful - the noise, the speed, some days the crosswalk didn't come on because it got triggered by an ambulance, etc. There are about 20 kids at this stop ranging from grades 2 to 8 and precisely one kid walks to/from the stop. Everyone else (rightly) is in cars.

[Anonymous]

Always so many women on these threads who quit their jobs but are quick to claim that the -only- way women can have successful jobs is either to be miserable, have cheating spouses, or an emasculated, universally disrespected stay at home husband. Even though there are always a series of posts from women who say they are successful, happy, and happily married. I assume these women are projecting because they need to justify why they quit their jobs.

[Anonymous]

You have to have help and outsource tasks to be able to utilize all your available free time with your kids before and after work and on weekends.

Best decision we ever made was to hire a house manager. Our house manager takes care of all the little things that eat up your time before & after work and on weekends like grocery shopping, scheduling & tracking house and car maintenance, keeping the house organized, laundry, running random errands, cooking & meal prep, coordinating with our nanny share and managing the kid's activity schedules, and hiring/managing the weekly house cleaners along with seasonal deep cleans.

I get to come home from work to a meal that's ready or almost ready, eat with my kids, and focus all of my attention for the next 3.5 hours on only them. Same with the mornings. I wake up to breakfast already prepared and can spend 2-3 hours with them before school. Being 100% focused at work on work means I get everything done that I need to 99% of the time. Weekends are now free for only kid and family activities.

Trust me, get help & outsource.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I switched to freelance work because I didn’t have childcare and would get fired quickly for needing to take sick days (single mom).

Over about 3 years I spent every spare minute learning (podcasts, courses, etc), building a portfolio, and networking so I could become one of the best in my field. Every time I made a sale, I raised my prices while also lowering the scope of work, so I got paid more to do less.

Right now I hover at about 4 hours of work a day for $10-20k/month. I can scale up or down as needed.

Currently building up the biz to scale to $100k/month with a 50-60% profit margin, while letting me step back from it almost 100% (I’ll probably still do a few hours a week just so I know what’s going on).

Biggest thing I’ve learned is to work smarter, not harder. Being driven and ambitious doesn’t mean working 60-80 hours a week, it means finding what will make you the most profit so you can reduce hours. The biggest thing I tell people is really push the boundaries of how much you can get paid for the least amount of work possible (which means you also need to show proof you can get results).

This is not a fancy job. This is figuring out how to make a lot of money. Which is excellent!

I think OP is asking about women who have prestigious and/or powerful jobs. Which do also usually pay very well (not always though).