Moms with fancy jobs

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the replies, but curious as to people here consider to be a "fancy" job and a high salary for a mom who stays very involved with her kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the replies, but curious as to people here consider to be a "fancy" job and a high salary for a mom who stays very involved with her kids?

*what people here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the replies, but curious as to people here consider to be a "fancy" job and a high salary for a mom who stays very involved with her kids?

This website (https://dqydj.com/income-by-sex/) says the top 1% of female earners in the US in 2024 made $327,000. So an objective benchmark would be $327,000.

If I were doing a study on this topic I would break women up by their current age and by the age of their oldest child (6 years or older or younger than 6 years).

The former because women’s top earning years are 35-54 with 44 being the peak year. So you’re going to have a gap prior to and during those years and then also within those years.

The latter because women suffer the biggest penalty in the 6 years after the birth of their first child, much of this seems to be due to women taking a step back due to childcare constraints (https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.2209740120).

There is also a question of involvement. There are fewer objective measures, but what stands out to me is that data suggests an inverse relationship between involvement with career and involvement with children. Beautifully illustrating why having it all seems like a mirage.

[Anonymous]

I interpreted “fancy” as either high income (300k+) or high prestige (eg lots of government jobs might be high importance or high prestige but not high paying). For what it’s worth, I think I’m very involved as a mom and I make 550k.

[Anonymous]

I would put physicians, biglaw, executives, some gov jobs and tech/specialty jobs as fancy.

I would not put a typical fed, doc review lawyer, anything paying less than 300 as fancy. I think most moms have not fancy mom jobs.

For men, it would be more $1m and be partners, executives, business owners, tech founders, etc. the bar for a woman is far less than a man to be a fancy job.

[Anonymous]

There are some women I know who seem to think they are better than everyone working at certain non profits, world bank, state dept, IMF, think tanks, professors, scientists, etc.

I’m thinking of one mom who has to tell everyone she has a phd from MIT and another who is a CFO. They have to tell everyone this in every conversation you have even if you have known them for years.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

When your DS was in ES, what did he do all afternoon/evening while you worked until 7? Aftercare?

Dh also works remotely. Ds is also somewhat solitary and has always liked his alone time. So a combo of maybe I would spend 15 mins with him of quality hanging out, maybe Dh would. By 6, maybe he’d watch an hour of tv. I have also always attempted to keep zoom calls to a minimum after school - both because it gives me a clear schedule to actually get work done and so I can be around for ds. So when he was younger I’d typically sit on the couch with him while I was working and he was doing something like building legos. We’d talk, I’d work, he’d do his own quiet thing. I dunno, it’s hard to remember back but obviously I managed to do okay at the work part, and ds always thought we were around all the time so I think we succeeded on that side too. Again, one kid is just not that hard.

It also sounds like he wasn’t in a lot of activities or running around at the playground or doing play dates after school, all of which it seems was personality driven. He needed some time to reset and enjoyed playing by himself.

That sounds pretty lonely. Hopefully that is the kid’s personality and not years of being told to be quiet when mom and dad are working.

It does seem odd, right? I can't imagine working on my computer with my kids sitting next to me..Occasionally, I'll have to take a call at night while I make my kids dinner. When that happens, I'm never on video with a computer in front of me. I'm on my phone and mostly muted and talking to my kids with a headphone in one ear praying that the call will end early and only unmuting myself to say something when it's 100% necessary. I resent the intrusion into my time with my children, but by the same token, unless there is a special situation I'm not working while "watching" my children for 3-4 hours prior to dinner. We have a nanny and we will until my youngest is in late ES or early MS. That doesn't make me a bad parent. That makes me someone who is realistic about what I am capable of doing while working and parenting. I am not capable of parenting well and giving three children what they need while working on a computer. I am also not capable of completing high quality work while watching my children. Why with only one child and millions of dollars wouldn't someone just hire a babysitter or an afternoon nanny to spend time with their child, drive them to activities, and bring them on playdates or just be present with them? It's not a badge of honor as a parent to have spent every afternoon after school tapping away on a computer for 3 or 4 hours while your child played alone. I also don't know how anyone who works 50 hours a week, seemingly every minute of the day according to the schedule above, is ruthlessly efficient. It sounds like you spend a ton of time working and would therefore be inefficient. The entire set-up also sounds exhausting: lone nanny/caregiver to child and slaving away all the time at work. That's the secret? Maybe your child is a loner because you are.

I’m a SAHM and when I have to do paperwork or take a call, the kids need to be on a screen or they will interrupt me. I have 3 kids though, not just 1.

I always have the kids. DH tried to work with my daughter and gave her crayons and put her next to him. That lasted 5 minutes.

I mean, but this is why you're a SAHM and failed at having a career. Because you couldn't handle both. Some people can, without problem.

+1. That was hilarious! Like, you can’t call Target customer service without putting your kids in front of the TV?

More like dealing with two parents with major health problems. One or both my parents will pass soon.

I don’t wish bad upon you whether you are working or not. All I know is I can’t get much done with my three kids around.

DP. I’m a working mom of 3, but I can empathize because trying to get work done with them at home during COVID was tough. I don’t know why the PPs are being jerks.

Also different kids are different and the dynamic between a kid with a SAHM vs a kid who is used to mom may be different.

[Anonymous]

And I’m sorry about your parents’ health issues. I have an elderly parent with Parkinson’s and the caregiving is hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some women I know who seem to think they are better than everyone working at certain non profits, world bank, state dept, IMF, think tanks, professors, scientists, etc.

I’m thinking of one mom who has to tell everyone she has a phd from MIT and another who is a CFO. They have to tell everyone this in every conversation you have even if you have known them for years.

Weird, I don’t find most MIT grads to be show-offs. Are you sure she isn’t a Harvard grad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I interpreted “fancy” as either high income (300k+) or high prestige (eg lots of government jobs might be high importance or high prestige but not high paying). For what it’s worth, I think I’m very involved as a mom and I make 550k.

I think 300K+ makes sense too. I am not anywhere near that level though and do not consider myself to have a fancy job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would put physicians, biglaw, executives, some gov jobs and tech/specialty jobs as fancy.

I would not put a typical fed, doc review lawyer, anything paying less than 300 as fancy. I think most moms have not fancy mom jobs.

For men, it would be more $1m and be partners, executives, business owners, tech founders, etc. the bar for a woman is far less than a man to be a fancy job.

I’m a physician and what worked for me was moving from being employed to being an independent contractor after my kid was 1. I got to control my schedule 100% and work when I wanted to work.

I have been working full time since my kid was born but can do 3 12 hour shifts a week. So I have 2 weekdays to get things done and be involved and present with my kid. I have volunteer lots in elementary, been room parent every year, organized events at the school, etc…

It does help a lot when you have a spouse who steps up to do lots of things around the house, drives kid to activities, and helps with homework.

Most people schedule their family time around their work schedule. I’m lucky to be able to schedule my work around my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would put physicians, biglaw, executives, some gov jobs and tech/specialty jobs as fancy.

I would not put a typical fed, doc review lawyer, anything paying less than 300 as fancy. I think most moms have not fancy mom jobs.

For men, it would be more $1m and be partners, executives, business owners, tech founders, etc. the bar for a woman is far less than a man to be a fancy job.

I’m a non big law lawyer and make more than my physician DH. Who has the fancier job?