Moms with fancy jobs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A childhood friend talks to business school students about her career. Inevitably, the question gets asked how she juggles kids. The answer is that she doesn’t. Her son has had many challenges that he sees a therapist about. He says things like he’s lonely. He acts out and has other problems. She doesn’t take care of it, and neither does her ex-husband. But that’s not what she tells the students.

I have a good friend who is at the top of her career. She has three kids. Oldest is a go getter and doing well. Her other two struggle in various areas where a mom’s love and support could help. The guilt really weighs on my friend. There are some things you cannot outsource.

I have other friends who are very successful executives, earn high six figures or low seven figures. These types of jobs are very demanding. The kids seem to have turned out fine. Moms are tough love. Kids turned out fine meaning they are smart and do well at school. When kids get older, they adapt. I know these moms struggled when kids were younger. One mom had a nanny she found out was abusing her children. She somehow managed to move forward. One friend would have her kid cry and fall asleep at her door when the kid wouldn’t go to bed. I know one mom who wouldn’t call home because the kids would cry at the sound of her voice. She thought it was better for everyone for her not to call at all.

Oh I earn high six or low-seven figures also depending on the year. Her net worth is closer to a billion at this point. She does not parent. However she sure claims to publicly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many high-powered women with time to post on DCUM lol

Do you see the time stamps on some of these messages? Even high powered women need to unwind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

When your DS was in ES, what did he do all afternoon/evening while you worked until 7? Aftercare?

Dh also works remotely. Ds is also somewhat solitary and has always liked his alone time. So a combo of maybe I would spend 15 mins with him of quality hanging out, maybe Dh would. By 6, maybe he’d watch an hour of tv. I have also always attempted to keep zoom calls to a minimum after school - both because it gives me a clear schedule to actually get work done and so I can be around for ds. So when he was younger I’d typically sit on the couch with him while I was working and he was doing something like building legos. We’d talk, I’d work, he’d do his own quiet thing. I dunno, it’s hard to remember back but obviously I managed to do okay at the work part, and ds always thought we were around all the time so I think we succeeded on that side too. Again, one kid is just not that hard.

It also sounds like he wasn’t in a lot of activities or running around at the playground or doing play dates after school, all of which it seems was personality driven. He needed some time to reset and enjoyed playing by himself.

That sounds pretty lonely. Hopefully that is the kid’s personality and not years of being told to be quiet when mom and dad are working.

DP. Honestly, a kid with an introverted personality needs to be taken to the playground frequently, not cooped up indoors. It’s a safe place to be active, be around other kids, but still be done and go home when you want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

When your DS was in ES, what did he do all afternoon/evening while you worked until 7? Aftercare?

Dh also works remotely. Ds is also somewhat solitary and has always liked his alone time. So a combo of maybe I would spend 15 mins with him of quality hanging out, maybe Dh would. By 6, maybe he’d watch an hour of tv. I have also always attempted to keep zoom calls to a minimum after school - both because it gives me a clear schedule to actually get work done and so I can be around for ds. So when he was younger I’d typically sit on the couch with him while I was working and he was doing something like building legos. We’d talk, I’d work, he’d do his own quiet thing. I dunno, it’s hard to remember back but obviously I managed to do okay at the work part, and ds always thought we were around all the time so I think we succeeded on that side too. Again, one kid is just not that hard.

It also sounds like he wasn’t in a lot of activities or running around at the playground or doing play dates after school, all of which it seems was personality driven. He needed some time to reset and enjoyed playing by himself.

That sounds pretty lonely. Hopefully that is the kid’s personality and not years of being told to be quiet when mom and dad are working.

It does seem odd, right? I can't imagine working on my computer with my kids sitting next to me..Occasionally, I'll have to take a call at night while I make my kids dinner. When that happens, I'm never on video with a computer in front of me. I'm on my phone and mostly muted and talking to my kids with a headphone in one ear praying that the call will end early and only unmuting myself to say something when it's 100% necessary. I resent the intrusion into my time with my children, but by the same token, unless there is a special situation I'm not working while "watching" my children for 3-4 hours prior to dinner. We have a nanny and we will until my youngest is in late ES or early MS. That doesn't make me a bad parent. That makes me someone who is realistic about what I am capable of doing while working and parenting. I am not capable of parenting well and giving three children what they need while working on a computer. I am also not capable of completing high quality work while watching my children. Why with only one child and millions of dollars wouldn't someone just hire a babysitter or an afternoon nanny to spend time with their child, drive them to activities, and bring them on playdates or just be present with them? It's not a badge of honor as a parent to have spent every afternoon after school tapping away on a computer for 3 or 4 hours while your child played alone. I also don't know how anyone who works 50 hours a week, seemingly every minute of the day according to the schedule above, is ruthlessly efficient. It sounds like you spend a ton of time working and would therefore be inefficient. The entire set-up also sounds exhausting: lone nanny/caregiver to child and slaving away all the time at work. That's the secret? Maybe your child is a loner because you are.

I’m a SAHM and when I have to do paperwork or take a call, the kids need to be on a screen or they will interrupt me. I have 3 kids though, not just 1.

I always have the kids. DH tried to work with my daughter and gave her crayons and put her next to him. That lasted 5 minutes.

I mean, but this is why you're a SAHM and failed at having a career. Because you couldn't handle both. Some people can, without problem.

+1. That was hilarious! Like, you can’t call Target customer service without putting your kids in front of the TV?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

When your DS was in ES, what did he do all afternoon/evening while you worked until 7? Aftercare?

Dh also works remotely. Ds is also somewhat solitary and has always liked his alone time. So a combo of maybe I would spend 15 mins with him of quality hanging out, maybe Dh would. By 6, maybe he’d watch an hour of tv. I have also always attempted to keep zoom calls to a minimum after school - both because it gives me a clear schedule to actually get work done and so I can be around for ds. So when he was younger I’d typically sit on the couch with him while I was working and he was doing something like building legos. We’d talk, I’d work, he’d do his own quiet thing. I dunno, it’s hard to remember back but obviously I managed to do okay at the work part, and ds always thought we were around all the time so I think we succeeded on that side too. Again, one kid is just not that hard.

It also sounds like he wasn’t in a lot of activities or running around at the playground or doing play dates after school, all of which it seems was personality driven. He needed some time to reset and enjoyed playing by himself.

That sounds pretty lonely. Hopefully that is the kid’s personality and not years of being told to be quiet when mom and dad are working.

It does seem odd, right? I can't imagine working on my computer with my kids sitting next to me..Occasionally, I'll have to take a call at night while I make my kids dinner. When that happens, I'm never on video with a computer in front of me. I'm on my phone and mostly muted and talking to my kids with a headphone in one ear praying that the call will end early and only unmuting myself to say something when it's 100% necessary. I resent the intrusion into my time with my children, but by the same token, unless there is a special situation I'm not working while "watching" my children for 3-4 hours prior to dinner. We have a nanny and we will until my youngest is in late ES or early MS. That doesn't make me a bad parent. That makes me someone who is realistic about what I am capable of doing while working and parenting. I am not capable of parenting well and giving three children what they need while working on a computer. I am also not capable of completing high quality work while watching my children. Why with only one child and millions of dollars wouldn't someone just hire a babysitter or an afternoon nanny to spend time with their child, drive them to activities, and bring them on playdates or just be present with them? It's not a badge of honor as a parent to have spent every afternoon after school tapping away on a computer for 3 or 4 hours while your child played alone. I also don't know how anyone who works 50 hours a week, seemingly every minute of the day according to the schedule above, is ruthlessly efficient. It sounds like you spend a ton of time working and would therefore be inefficient. The entire set-up also sounds exhausting: lone nanny/caregiver to child and slaving away all the time at work. That's the secret? Maybe your child is a loner because you are.

I’m a SAHM and when I have to do paperwork or take a call, the kids need to be on a screen or they will interrupt me. I have 3 kids though, not just 1.

I always have the kids. DH tried to work with my daughter and gave her crayons and put her next to him. That lasted 5 minutes.

I mean, but this is why you're a SAHM and failed at having a career. Because you couldn't handle both. Some people can, without problem.

+1. That was hilarious! Like, you can’t call Target customer service without putting your kids in front of the TV?

More like dealing with two parents with major health problems. One or both my parents will pass soon.

I don’t wish bad upon you whether you are working or not. All I know is I can’t get much done with my three kids around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:most important thing: only one kid

Also:
- supportive husband with a flex job. But he doesn’t contribute that much to running the household. He’s currently out of town for two weeks for work, and it’s no big deal - I’m used to keeping stuff running.
- full time remote work
- worked PT 30 hours a week for ages 1-5
- I’m outrageously organized and like to be doing stuff all the time.

Currently make 1.5m. Dh makes another 1m.

No sacrifices by either of us. Extremely successful marriage. Extremely involved with my kid, do bus drop off and pick up every day (MS currently), dinner all three of us together every night. Dh and I have a pre dinner drink together every night. Also exercise daily. Never had a nanny or regular babysitter. Sleep 8 hours a night.

Ultimately, the key is only one kid, remote work and being organized and enjoy doing stuff. Not everyone is wired to be able to do what I do - in the job or in my personal life.

Can I ask - when do you sleep? You say you get 8 hours a night, but if you're going bus drop off I assume you don't start working until 7:30 at the earliest? And then you do pickup, so you're there by 3?

I work from 7:30-4 (my kids take the bus and that's when they get on and off) and I make good money but not 7 figures, so I'm a bit in awe of your situation.

I work remotely. AM bus we leave the house at 8:30 back by 8:45. PM bus I leave at 4:25 and back by 4:35. I typically work until 7-ish every day. Lunch at my desk. If work is busy (basically, all of 2024) then i keep working until 7 and then again from maybe 8:30-10:30. If you're efficient with your time (obviously not at this exact moment - while i'm on dcum lol) then i'm working 10 solid hours every day without even putting in the evening work - so at minimum a 50 hour week. A couple days a week i have to take DS to an extracurricular but it's no big deal - i lose an hour of work time in the car, but usually work while he's doing his activity. So maybe just work an hour later those days. But like i said in my PP, i'm outrageously efficient and 'get stuff done' with my time. I don't waste any time doing non-essential stuff at work. No dumb committees or anything useless. Asleep by around 10:30 or 11 every night, so sleep in until 7. Easy peasy. Again, the key is one kid and remote work and being hyper efficient and organized.

When your DS was in ES, what did he do all afternoon/evening while you worked until 7? Aftercare?

Dh also works remotely. Ds is also somewhat solitary and has always liked his alone time. So a combo of maybe I would spend 15 mins with him of quality hanging out, maybe Dh would. By 6, maybe he’d watch an hour of tv. I have also always attempted to keep zoom calls to a minimum after school - both because it gives me a clear schedule to actually get work done and so I can be around for ds. So when he was younger I’d typically sit on the couch with him while I was working and he was doing something like building legos. We’d talk, I’d work, he’d do his own quiet thing. I dunno, it’s hard to remember back but obviously I managed to do okay at the work part, and ds always thought we were around all the time so I think we succeeded on that side too. Again, one kid is just not that hard.

It also sounds like he wasn’t in a lot of activities or running around at the playground or doing play dates after school, all of which it seems was personality driven. He needed some time to reset and enjoyed playing by himself.

That sounds pretty lonely. Hopefully that is the kid’s personality and not years of being told to be quiet when mom and dad are working.

It does seem odd, right? I can't imagine working on my computer with my kids sitting next to me..Occasionally, I'll have to take a call at night while I make my kids dinner. When that happens, I'm never on video with a computer in front of me. I'm on my phone and mostly muted and talking to my kids with a headphone in one ear praying that the call will end early and only unmuting myself to say something when it's 100% necessary. I resent the intrusion into my time with my children, but by the same token, unless there is a special situation I'm not working while "watching" my children for 3-4 hours prior to dinner. We have a nanny and we will until my youngest is in late ES or early MS. That doesn't make me a bad parent. That makes me someone who is realistic about what I am capable of doing while working and parenting. I am not capable of parenting well and giving three children what they need while working on a computer. I am also not capable of completing high quality work while watching my children. Why with only one child and millions of dollars wouldn't someone just hire a babysitter or an afternoon nanny to spend time with their child, drive them to activities, and bring them on playdates or just be present with them? It's not a badge of honor as a parent to have spent every afternoon after school tapping away on a computer for 3 or 4 hours while your child played alone. I also don't know how anyone who works 50 hours a week, seemingly every minute of the day according to the schedule above, is ruthlessly efficient. It sounds like you spend a ton of time working and would therefore be inefficient. The entire set-up also sounds exhausting: lone nanny/caregiver to child and slaving away all the time at work. That's the secret? Maybe your child is a loner because you are.

I’m a SAHM and when I have to do paperwork or take a call, the kids need to be on a screen or they will interrupt me. I have 3 kids though, not just 1.

I always have the kids. DH tried to work with my daughter and gave her crayons and put her next to him. That lasted 5 minutes.

I mean, but this is why you're a SAHM and failed at having a career. Because you couldn't handle both. Some people can, without problem.

+1. That was hilarious! Like, you can’t call Target customer service without putting your kids in front of the TV?

I have a so-called fancy job. Finishing my work today in the odd hours of the morning and taking a dopamine break.

These comments are mean. Is this how you lead your organization? Moms, children, the men in their family and quite frankly society need high-quality childcare. Moms who succeed in demanding roles without high quality childcare are lying, especially in the toddler years. If as a woman and as a leader you make fun of moms within your organization, you are cruel. Too many women don’t get the support they need and drop out. I’ve seen women leave who were much more talented and valuable than the men and women who stayed.

[Anonymous]

Yeah and guess what? If you're in a job/career path that boils down to who can out-grind the competition or hang in there - talent and value just don't matter much. That's nonsense white collar people tell themselves to feel like any of it was worth it. You and everyone you work with is 100% replaceable. There's nothing special about any of these people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah and guess what? If you're in a job/career path that boils down to who can out-grind the competition or hang in there - talent and value just don't matter much. That's nonsense white collar people tell themselves to feel like any of it was worth it. You and everyone you work with is 100% replaceable. There's nothing special about any of these people.

It has nothing to do with out-grinding. It also can’t be done with someone else helping outside of school hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to have help and outsource tasks to be able to utilize all your available free time with your kids before and after work and on weekends.

Best decision we ever made was to hire a house manager. Our house manager takes care of all the little things that eat up your time before & after work and on weekends like grocery shopping, scheduling & tracking house and car maintenance, keeping the house organized, laundry, running random errands, cooking & meal prep, coordinating with our nanny share and managing the kid's activity schedules, and hiring/managing the weekly house cleaners along with seasonal deep cleans.

I get to come home from work to a meal that's ready or almost ready, eat with my kids, and focus all of my attention for the next 3.5 hours on only them. Same with the mornings. I wake up to breakfast already prepared and can spend 2-3 hours with them before school. Being 100% focused at work on work means I get everything done that I need to 99% of the time. Weekends are now free for only kid and family activities.

Trust me, get help & outsource.

How do you spend 2-3 hours with your kids before school? Mine attend private so they all start at the same time, so maybe that's the issue, but I wake them up at 6:45 and they walk out the door to the bus at 7:30. What is anyone doing for 2-3 hours in the morning?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I switched to freelance work because I didn’t have childcare and would get fired quickly for needing to take sick days (single mom).

Over about 3 years I spent every spare minute learning (podcasts, courses, etc), building a portfolio, and networking so I could become one of the best in my field. Every time I made a sale, I raised my prices while also lowering the scope of work, so I got paid more to do less.

Right now I hover at about 4 hours of work a day for $10-20k/month. I can scale up or down as needed.

Currently building up the biz to scale to $100k/month with a 50-60% profit margin, while letting me step back from it almost 100% (I’ll probably still do a few hours a week just so I know what’s going on).

Biggest thing I’ve learned is to work smarter, not harder. Being driven and ambitious doesn’t mean working 60-80 hours a week, it means finding what will make you the most profit so you can reduce hours. The biggest thing I tell people is really push the boundaries of how much you can get paid for the least amount of work possible (which means you also need to show proof you can get results).

Respectfully, by DCUM standards that amount of money doesn’t make you all that successful.

$100K a month isn't "all that successful"?

Keep trolling.

It’s unlikely on a part time job. Especially with someone who drags out the old “work smarter not harder “ foolishness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know several very successful moms well and they don’t do it all. My sister is one of them and she is a great parent, but she misses a lot of what she considers to be lower priority things. Her husband is also successful. They value quality time over quantity of time, and outsource a lot of- full time housekeeper cleans and cooks, groceries are delivered. Our parents take the kids to most of their appointments. The teenage kids uber to school if they miss the bus. If there is an important corporate offsite during a kids birthday, she has to miss a birthday. My sister is still super busy with them, and they are all great kids. But she does not do it all - she outsources the menial tasks, delegates the low propriety things to a family member and prioritizes the important things for herself. And even with all of that, she misses stuff.

My other close friend is similar but kids are younger. They have a nanny working 60+ hours a week and the kids watch a lot of YouTube.

But they both have a lot of money and a comfortable life, so, tradeoffs.

Everyone misses stuff. You're kidding yourself if you don't think that's true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A childhood friend talks to business school students about her career. Inevitably, the question gets asked how she juggles kids. The answer is that she doesn’t. Her son has had many challenges that he sees a therapist about. He says things like he’s lonely. He acts out and has other problems. She doesn’t take care of it, and neither does her ex-husband. But that’s not what she tells the students.

Fun story. My SIL is a stay at home mom. You know what? Her kids have the same issues. Lonely, in therapy, self-harm, etc. Crazy how that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to have help and outsource tasks to be able to utilize all your available free time with your kids before and after work and on weekends.

Best decision we ever made was to hire a house manager. Our house manager takes care of all the little things that eat up your time before & after work and on weekends like grocery shopping, scheduling & tracking house and car maintenance, keeping the house organized, laundry, running random errands, cooking & meal prep, coordinating with our nanny share and managing the kid's activity schedules, and hiring/managing the weekly house cleaners along with seasonal deep cleans.

I get to come home from work to a meal that's ready or almost ready, eat with my kids, and focus all of my attention for the next 3.5 hours on only them. Same with the mornings. I wake up to breakfast already prepared and can spend 2-3 hours with them before school. Being 100% focused at work on work means I get everything done that I need to 99% of the time. Weekends are now free for only kid and family activities.

Trust me, get help & outsource.

How do you spend 2-3 hours with your kids before school? Mine attend private so they all start at the same time, so maybe that's the issue, but I wake them up at 6:45 and they walk out the door to the bus at 7:30. What is anyone doing for 2-3 hours in the morning?!?

I'm a DP, but when mine were toddlers and preschoolers, they woke up at around 6:30 and I left the house at 8:30 -- so we did spend 2 hours together in the morning. Now they are in ES. They get up at around 7 and the bus picks up at 8:25 -- so now we spend 1.5 hours together. I have a decent amount of household help (although not as much as the house-manager PP -- that sounds fabulous), but I still don't find mornings with ES kids to be particularly "quality" time. When they were littler it was though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The keys are a supportive spouse, extreme efficiency, and setting appropriate boundaries. I have three kids (HS, MS, ES) and I have managed to advance professionally while still being a mom (I may miss some things during the school day, but I am extremely present). I am on track to make 7 figures this year.

My husband works but has a much lower-stakes career. We are really good at organizing carpools (I am always extremely cognizant of putting points on the board whenever I can - if I can drive a carpool, I always make sure to do it.)

The key to my advancement has really been learning to make every hour I work as productive as possible. You will never see me chatting around a water cooler, and I am always eating lunch at my desk with food I brought from home (unless I have a work-related lunch). I pass on evening events unless they are absolutely mission-critical.

We have a weekly house-cleaner, but that's it for household help. Kids are responsible for their own laundry and a bunch of household chores (dishes, cutting grass, etc).

I think the key is to have a supportive spouse.

I have a very successful husband. He earns millions. I have been responsible for every sick day, doc appointment, parent teacher conference, day off from school. I try not to be resentful. DH thinks I am lucky to not have to work. I’m not sure if I feel lucky.

+1000

Supportive and equally as present/involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah and guess what? If you're in a job/career path that boils down to who can out-grind the competition or hang in there - talent and value just don't matter much. That's nonsense white collar people tell themselves to feel like any of it was worth it. You and everyone you work with is 100% replaceable. There's nothing special about any of these people.

Be sure to mention that at your next parent-teacher conference and your next doctor's appointment. My best friend and I would love to hear what you really think of us while we work to serve you.