Did I learn from my divorce or am I still in the honeymoon phase?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will also say that if you felt compelled to write about this here, but then every time someone points out that you are probably still in the honeymoon phase you try to counter their argument, then I think you are engaging dishonestly because you have a nagging fear that you are going to repeat the same mistakes, but this time you'll be an old, exhausted dad with a second family. So you post here, people are like "yup, sounds like you are just in the honeymoon phase," and you say, "Not so! I really HAVE changed!" You're trying to soothe that nagging little voice but no one forced you to come here asking this question . . . you did it because your subconscious is concerned.

OP here. I am indeed concerned because I don't want to repeat prior mistakes. Many who have commented have made valid points. It's just that part of me wishes I truly learned. Of course time will tell. I briefly did therapy and it helped and I am not opposed to more. It was hard for me to do therapy in the first place because I felt I didn't need it. But it was helpful and it led me not to date or see anyone even for casual sex for close to 2 years.

You don’t seem to be answering questions that might help people determine if you are mainly in the honeymoon phase or have made personal changes. You kind of gloss over them.

What are the current custody arrangements and how old are your children?

Are you at a different phase of your career, where you feel like you don’t have to work as much?

Does your girlfriend have children?

How often do you see your girlfriend during the week?

OP here.

1) we have 50/50. We have 5-2-2-5 arrangement. On the weeks I have my kids 2 times a week I see her the other 5 days. On the weeks I have them 5 days I see her once or twice. My kids are 17 and 13. Both have fully funded 529 for public schools. If they want graduate education I can't finance that.

2) I could retire today if I wanted to. I own 10 rental apartments that are paid off. After all expenses taxes and maintenance the monthly cash flow is $9k.My 401k is well funded as well

3) she has a 6 years old daughter

If you could retire today and your 401k is well funded AND you have a positive cash flow of $109k a year from rental properties, you can finance a grad education, you just do not want to. That is fine, but own it.

Sorry but I agree with OP there. Parents should not be financing grad education. If your child who had their undergrad fully covered didn't have credentials high enough to get scholarship for grad school then it's a THEM problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will also say that if you felt compelled to write about this here, but then every time someone points out that you are probably still in the honeymoon phase you try to counter their argument, then I think you are engaging dishonestly because you have a nagging fear that you are going to repeat the same mistakes, but this time you'll be an old, exhausted dad with a second family. So you post here, people are like "yup, sounds like you are just in the honeymoon phase," and you say, "Not so! I really HAVE changed!" You're trying to soothe that nagging little voice but no one forced you to come here asking this question . . . you did it because your subconscious is concerned.

OP here. I am indeed concerned because I don't want to repeat prior mistakes. Many who have commented have made valid points. It's just that part of me wishes I truly learned. Of course time will tell. I briefly did therapy and it helped and I am not opposed to more. It was hard for me to do therapy in the first place because I felt I didn't need it. But it was helpful and it led me not to date or see anyone even for casual sex for close to 2 years.

You don’t seem to be answering questions that might help people determine if you are mainly in the honeymoon phase or have made personal changes. You kind of gloss over them.

What are the current custody arrangements and how old are your children?

Are you at a different phase of your career, where you feel like you don’t have to work as much?

Does your girlfriend have children?

How often do you see your girlfriend during the week?

OP here.

1) we have 50/50. We have 5-2-2-5 arrangement. On the weeks I have my kids 2 times a week I see her the other 5 days. On the weeks I have them 5 days I see her once or twice. My kids are 17 and 13. Both have fully funded 529 for public schools. If they want graduate education I can't finance that.

2) I could retire today if I wanted to. I own 10 rental apartments that are paid off. After all expenses taxes and maintenance the monthly cash flow is $9k.My 401k is well funded as well

3) she has a 6 years old daughter

If you could retire today and your 401k is well funded AND you have a positive cash flow of $109k a year from rental properties, you can finance a grad education, you just do not want to. That is fine, but own it.

Sorry but I agree with OP there. Parents should not be financing grad education. If your child who had their undergrad fully covered didn't have credentials high enough to get scholarship for grad school then it's a THEM problem.

It’s an okay choice. People are reacting to the word “can’t” which suggests it’s a financial issue.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand how both of you have so much time to see each other when you both have kids. Does she have the exact same custody schedule?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m obsessed with this man who is like “wow I am crushing it at being the boyfriend of my new young girlfriend with whom I do not have children, even though I let my marriage deteriorate” and his conclusion is that he must have gotten better.

Honest to god how do men function with this level of hubris. This guy could work for doge.

I have zero axe to grind with men like this and yet I also found it disturbing, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will also say that if you felt compelled to write about this here, but then every time someone points out that you are probably still in the honeymoon phase you try to counter their argument, then I think you are engaging dishonestly because you have a nagging fear that you are going to repeat the same mistakes, but this time you'll be an old, exhausted dad with a second family. So you post here, people are like "yup, sounds like you are just in the honeymoon phase," and you say, "Not so! I really HAVE changed!" You're trying to soothe that nagging little voice but no one forced you to come here asking this question . . . you did it because your subconscious is concerned.

OP here. I am indeed concerned because I don't want to repeat prior mistakes. Many who have commented have made valid points. It's just that part of me wishes I truly learned. Of course time will tell. I briefly did therapy and it helped and I am not opposed to more. It was hard for me to do therapy in the first place because I felt I didn't need it. But it was helpful and it led me not to date or see anyone even for casual sex for close to 2 years.

You don’t seem to be answering questions that might help people determine if you are mainly in the honeymoon phase or have made personal changes. You kind of gloss over them.

What are the current custody arrangements and how old are your children?

Are you at a different phase of your career, where you feel like you don’t have to work as much?

Does your girlfriend have children?

How often do you see your girlfriend during the week?

OP here.

1) we have 50/50. We have 5-2-2-5 arrangement. On the weeks I have my kids 2 times a week I see her the other 5 days. On the weeks I have them 5 days I see her once or twice. My kids are 17 and 13. Both have fully funded 529 for public schools. If they want graduate education I can't finance that.

2) I could retire today if I wanted to. I own 10 rental apartments that are paid off. After all expenses taxes and maintenance the monthly cash flow is $9k.My 401k is well funded as well

3) she has a 6 years old daughter

You can finance grad school, you just don’t want to. Or you’re being cautious in case you produce more kids. Make sure your existing kids know.

Meh, OP sounds like a bell-end but no one is entitled to a fully-funded graduate education.

[Anonymous]

I’m putting my money on honeymoon phase. Unlike your marriage, you do not need to simultaneously balance your romantic relationship and your responsibilities to your children. It sounds like your worlds are completely distinct so we have no idea how you would do if had to balance both. It’s just an easier life, no shame in admitting that. The reason I’m saying honeymoon rather than growth is that you do not see this despite multiple posters pointing it out to you.