Did I learn from my divorce or am I still in the honeymoon phase?

[Anonymous]

I am 47 and been divorced 3 years now but have been exclusive with my GF for a year now. My girlfriend is 34. I can see myself marrying her. In my first marriage I was not the best husband. I didn't cheat, but I wasn't around much, I didn't want to go on date nights, I didn't want to do therapy. However I was an equal partner at home and took our kids to all their sports events, attended all parents teachers conferences, knew all my kids teachers' names and Dr names etc...

Did I learned from my failed marriage? I just feel like I am a better partner now. I enjoy spending time with my GF, going on date nights and finding time away from work to be with her. Or I am still in the honeymoon phase? Some days I regret I wasn't this way with my first wife. Don't get me wrong she had her issues as well, but I can only objectively judge myself. I recently introduced my kids to my GF and it went better than I expected.

[Anonymous]

What do you think you learned from your divorce? That you wanted a younger woman? Cliche much?

[Anonymous]

I think you are in the honeymoon period,

One positive kid interaction of surface politeness doesn't prove they will ever like it accept her long term.

I think you are discovering that it's far easier to maintain a relationship as the part-time parent of older kids than the full-time parent of younger kids. You're not necessarily a better partner, you just have an easier life and her expectations are lower because you aren't married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you think you learned from your divorce? That you wanted a younger woman? Cliche much?

OP here. Let's take her age out the equation. I learned to be more present in the relationship as opposed to being on cruise control. I mean red the hard way that with women you need to reinforce that you love them and want to be with them. I think some us men may take the latter for granted. For example neglecting to date nights and still assume that she knows that I enjoyed spending time with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are in the honeymoon period,

One positive kid interaction of surface politeness doesn't prove they will ever like it accept her long term.

I think you are discovering that it's far easier to maintain a relationship as the part-time parent of older kids than the full-time parent of younger kids. You're not necessarily a better partner, you just have an easier life and her expectations are lower because you aren't married.

OP here. I think you make very good points. You see parenting from your mom viewpoint. I may see it differently and I believe I fully participated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are in the honeymoon period,

One positive kid interaction of surface politeness doesn't prove they will ever like it accept her long term.

I think you are discovering that it's far easier to maintain a relationship as the part-time parent of older kids than the full-time parent of younger kids. You're not necessarily a better partner, you just have an easier life and her expectations are lower because you aren't married.

OP here. I think you make very good points. You see parenting from your mom viewpoint. I may see it differently and I believe I fully participated.

Maybe. But you didn't fully participate in the marriage. It's easier for you to be a good boyfriend to your girlfriend because your parenting workload is lower now. There are only so many hours in the day, you know? Also your girlfriend may not be judging you on the quality of your parenting or whether you do a fair share. It doesn't matter to her the way it would if she had a kid with you. So that lowers the pressure.

[Anonymous]

OP you are brave. You are asking this to a bunch of divorced women who are still bitter. Good luck. You are going to be chewed alive lmao

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are in the honeymoon period,

One positive kid interaction of surface politeness doesn't prove they will ever like it accept her long term.

I think you are discovering that it's far easier to maintain a relationship as the part-time parent of older kids than the full-time parent of younger kids. You're not necessarily a better partner, you just have an easier life and her expectations are lower because you aren't married.

OP here. I think you make very good points. You see parenting from your mom viewpoint. I may see it differently and I believe I fully participated.

Given the way you just talked down to PP, I'd argue you still have a lot to learn. You utterly invalidated PP's perspective as "your mom viewpoint" when PP didn't even question whether you fully participated in parenting before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are in the honeymoon period,

One positive kid interaction of surface politeness doesn't prove they will ever like it accept her long term.

I think you are discovering that it's far easier to maintain a relationship as the part-time parent of older kids than the full-time parent of younger kids. You're not necessarily a better partner, you just have an easier life and her expectations are lower because you aren't married.

OP here. I think you make very good points. You see parenting from your mom viewpoint. I may see it differently and I believe I fully participated.

I never said you didn't fully participate. Just that it's easier with older kids part time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 47 and been divorced 3 years now but have been exclusive with my GF for a year now. My girlfriend is 34. I can see myself marrying her. In my first marriage I was not the best husband. I didn't cheat, but I wasn't around much, I didn't want to go on date nights, I didn't want to do therapy. However I was an equal partner at home and took our kids to all their sports events, attended all parents teachers conferences, knew all my kids teachers' names and Dr names etc...

Did I learned from my failed marriage? I just feel like I am a better partner now. I enjoy spending time with my GF, going on date nights and finding time away from work to be with her. Or I am still in the honeymoon phase? Some days I regret I wasn't this way with my first wife. Don't get me wrong she had her issues as well, but I can only objectively judge myself. I recently introduced my kids to my GF and it went better than I expected.

My dad is absolutely a better husband with second wife. My mom was a great wife, but he left her for someone younger. I hope I don't make the same mistake..at least judging from how it mentally affected my mom I won't do it to my wife. Humans can be cruel. It's not a gender thing. I am sure wom.women do the same as well

[Anonymous]

If there is one thing I've learned in life it’s “wherever you go, there you are” and that certainly pertains to relationships. Have you done therapy, OP? Did you do any actual work? Did you discover your patterns and ingrained beliefs that don’t serve you and work to change them? The beginning stages of a relationship are just so very easy, especially when you don’t have kids together. It’s hard to know whether this is newness or you are willing to work hard at your relationship, even when it’s easy.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t have any more kids, you should be good. Otherwise you’ll destroy your relationship and your kids in one fell swoop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 47 and been divorced 3 years now but have been exclusive with my GF for a year now. My girlfriend is 34. I can see myself marrying her. In my first marriage I was not the best husband. I didn't cheat, but I wasn't around much, I didn't want to go on date nights, I didn't want to do therapy. However I was an equal partner at home and took our kids to all their sports events, attended all parents teachers conferences, knew all my kids teachers' names and Dr names etc...

Did I learned from my failed marriage? I just feel like I am a better partner now. I enjoy spending time with my GF, going on date nights and finding time away from work to be with her. Or I am still in the honeymoon phase? Some days I regret I wasn't this way with my first wife. Don't get me wrong she had her issues as well, but I can only objectively judge myself. I recently introduced my kids to my GF and it went better than I expected.

Can you reconcile the two bolded statements? One says you were not around much and the other says you were an equal partner at home. Those seem like contradictory statements to me.

What percentage of the time are your children with you, currently? You seem to use the past tense when describing yourself as an equal partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are in the honeymoon period,

One positive kid interaction of surface politeness doesn't prove they will ever like it accept her long term.

I think you are discovering that it's far easier to maintain a relationship as the part-time parent of older kids than the full-time parent of younger kids. You're not necessarily a better partner, you just have an easier life and her expectations are lower because you aren't married.

OP here. I think you make very good points. You see parenting from your mom viewpoint. I may see it differently and I believe I fully participated.

I never said you didn't fully participate. Just that it's easier with older kids part time.

Yes, it's totally different to focus on a relationship when you both live full time with your joint kids, than the date someone during the free time that your divorced status affords you. Even if you eventually move in with your girlfriend, you will still only have your kids part-time.

But she's 15 years younger, that means you have to give her a consolation baby . . . So you'll be right back where you started eventually. Then, and only then, will we find out how much you've really changed.

[Anonymous]

I’m obsessed with this man who is like “wow I am crushing it at being the boyfriend of my new young girlfriend with whom I do not have children, even though I let my marriage deteriorate” and his conclusion is that he must have gotten better.

Honest to god how do men function with this level of hubris. This guy could work for doge.