Did I learn from my divorce or am I still in the honeymoon phase?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are in the honeymoon period,

One positive kid interaction of surface politeness doesn't prove they will ever like it accept her long term.

I think you are discovering that it's far easier to maintain a relationship as the part-time parent of older kids than the full-time parent of younger kids. You're not necessarily a better partner, you just have an easier life and her expectations are lower because you aren't married.

OP here. I think you make very good points. You see parenting from your mom viewpoint. I may see it differently and I believe I fully participated.

Given the way you just talked down to PP, I'd argue you still have a lot to learn. You utterly invalidated PP's perspective as "your mom viewpoint" when PP didn't even question whether you fully participated in parenting before.

I don't know how married men do it. It's like you were waiting for OP to fumble so you can smash his head lol. This is why sometimes men have to be very careful with every word that comes out of their mouth because they are continually evaluated.

[Anonymous]

Does your current girlfriend want children? Do you want more children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m obsessed with this man who is like “wow I am crushing it at being the boyfriend of my new young girlfriend with whom I do not have children, even though I let my marriage deteriorate” and his conclusion is that he must have gotten better.

Honest to god how do men function with this level of hubris. This guy could work for doge.

Hahaha I told you OP. You have just triggered them all.

You should have lied and said your girlfriend was 60. You have gotten chocolate and roses instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are in the honeymoon period,

One positive kid interaction of surface politeness doesn't prove they will ever like it accept her long term.

I think you are discovering that it's far easier to maintain a relationship as the part-time parent of older kids than the full-time parent of younger kids. You're not necessarily a better partner, you just have an easier life and her expectations are lower because you aren't married.

This, combined with having a young carefree partner. A FT mom in the thick of raising kids is stressed, harried, busy. This young girl represents the opposite of OPs ext. It sounds like he didn’t appreciate her at all and likely resented her for not giving HIM enough attention. His new fling has no real commitments or responsibilities. Regular old mid life crisis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 47 and been divorced 3 years now but have been exclusive with my GF for a year now. My girlfriend is 34. I can see myself marrying her. In my first marriage I was not the best husband. I didn't cheat, but I wasn't around much, I didn't want to go on date nights, I didn't want to do therapy. However I was an equal partner at home and took our kids to all their sports events, attended all parents teachers conferences, knew all my kids teachers' names and Dr names etc...

Did I learned from my failed marriage? I just feel like I am a better partner now. I enjoy spending time with my GF, going on date nights and finding time away from work to be with her. Or I am still in the honeymoon phase? Some days I regret I wasn't this way with my first wife. Don't get me wrong she had her issues as well, but I can only objectively judge myself. I recently introduced my kids to my GF and it went better than I expected.

My dad is absolutely a better husband with second wife. My mom was a great wife, but he left her for someone younger. I hope I don't make the same mistake..at least judging from how it mentally affected my mom I won't do it to my wife. Humans can be cruel. It's not a gender thing. I am sure wom.women do the same as well

Men leaving their wives for younger women is a cliche for a reason. It does NOT happen to the same degree with women. Not even close. Please don’t use this kind of delusional thinking to pat yourself on the back for … not dumping your wife for a younger model.

[Anonymous]

I would bet a 34 year old woman would want at least one child. Are you up for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m obsessed with this man who is like “wow I am crushing it at being the boyfriend of my new young girlfriend with whom I do not have children, even though I let my marriage deteriorate” and his conclusion is that he must have gotten better.

Honest to god how do men function with this level of hubris. This guy could work for doge.

Lolol thank you for laying it out like this.

[Anonymous]

Honestly you probably didn’t learn because most people are immune to learning. You will repeat your bad patterns again and fail again unless you do painful self work and people hate pain.

[Anonymous]

Dude you're in a much easier stage of life with your new girlfriend than you were with your family. It's easier to be good when you have less stress.

Or maybe you and your girlfriend are simply more compatible! Who can say?

[Anonymous]

Seems like most responses are coming from women. As a still happily married man I'll say good for you OP. Everyone deserves a second chance. If you think you are a better partner now and your GF feels likewise good for both of you. And you seem to be on your kids life that great. You are a great dad, a better partner now, but a terrible husband..and so what? Best of luck with your new relationship. But before you remarry though seriously consider therapy to make sure you are ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are in the honeymoon period,

One positive kid interaction of surface politeness doesn't prove they will ever like it accept her long term.

I think you are discovering that it's far easier to maintain a relationship as the part-time parent of older kids than the full-time parent of younger kids. You're not necessarily a better partner, you just have an easier life and her expectations are lower because you aren't married.

This, combined with having a young carefree partner. A FT mom in the thick of raising kids is stressed, harried, busy. This young girl represents the opposite of OPs ext. It sounds like he didn’t appreciate her at all and likely resented her for not giving HIM enough attention. His new fling has no real commitments or responsibilities. Regular old mid life crisis.

In what world is a 34 year old woman a “young girl”? How bizarre. 34 is middle aged too.

[Anonymous]

I will also say that if you felt compelled to write about this here, but then every time someone points out that you are probably still in the honeymoon phase you try to counter their argument, then I think you are engaging dishonestly because you have a nagging fear that you are going to repeat the same mistakes, but this time you'll be an old, exhausted dad with a second family. So you post here, people are like "yup, sounds like you are just in the honeymoon phase," and you say, "Not so! I really HAVE changed!" You're trying to soothe that nagging little voice but no one forced you to come here asking this question . . . you did it because your subconscious is concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are in the honeymoon period,

One positive kid interaction of surface politeness doesn't prove they will ever like it accept her long term.

I think you are discovering that it's far easier to maintain a relationship as the part-time parent of older kids than the full-time parent of younger kids. You're not necessarily a better partner, you just have an easier life and her expectations are lower because you aren't married.

This, combined with having a young carefree partner. A FT mom in the thick of raising kids is stressed, harried, busy. This young girl represents the opposite of OPs ext. It sounds like he didn’t appreciate her at all and likely resented her for not giving HIM enough attention. His new fling has no real commitments or responsibilities. Regular old mid life crisis.

In what world is a 34 year old woman a “young girl”? How bizarre. 34 is middle aged too.

Not compared to someone pushing 50, be frrn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 47 and been divorced 3 years now but have been exclusive with my GF for a year now. My girlfriend is 34. I can see myself marrying her. In my first marriage I was not the best husband. I didn't cheat, but I wasn't around much, I didn't want to go on date nights, I didn't want to do therapy. However I was an equal partner at home and took our kids to all their sports events, attended all parents teachers conferences, knew all my kids teachers' names and Dr names etc...

Did I learned from my failed marriage? I just feel like I am a better partner now. I enjoy spending time with my GF, going on date nights and finding time away from work to be with her. Or I am still in the honeymoon phase? Some days I regret I wasn't this way with my first wife. Don't get me wrong she had her issues as well, but I can only objectively judge myself. I recently introduced my kids to my GF and it went better than I expected.

My dad is absolutely a better husband with second wife. My mom was a great wife, but he left her for someone younger. I hope I don't make the same mistake..at least judging from how it mentally affected my mom I won't do it to my wife. Humans can be cruel. It's not a gender thing. I am sure wom.women do the same as well

Men leaving their wives for younger women is a cliche for a reason. It does NOT happen to the same degree with women. Not even close. Please don’t use this kind of delusional thinking to pat yourself on the back for … not dumping your wife for a younger model.

My God why are women so triggered when they are left for a younger woman? Just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 47 and been divorced 3 years now but have been exclusive with my GF for a year now. My girlfriend is 34. I can see myself marrying her. In my first marriage I was not the best husband. I didn't cheat, but I wasn't around much, I didn't want to go on date nights, I didn't want to do therapy. However I was an equal partner at home and took our kids to all their sports events, attended all parents teachers conferences, knew all my kids teachers' names and Dr names etc...

Did I learned from my failed marriage? I just feel like I am a better partner now. I enjoy spending time with my GF, going on date nights and finding time away from work to be with her. Or I am still in the honeymoon phase? Some days I regret I wasn't this way with my first wife. Don't get me wrong she had her issues as well, but I can only objectively judge myself. I recently introduced my kids to my GF and it went better than I expected.

My dad is absolutely a better husband with second wife. My mom was a great wife, but he left her for someone younger. I hope I don't make the same mistake..at least judging from how it mentally affected my mom I won't do it to my wife. Humans can be cruel. It's not a gender thing. I am sure wom.women do the same as well

Men leaving their wives for younger women is a cliche for a reason. It does NOT happen to the same degree with women. Not even close. Please don’t use this kind of delusional thinking to pat yourself on the back for … not dumping your wife for a younger model.

My God why are women so triggered when they are left for a younger woman? Just let it go.

oh yeah you definitely learned - you're a whole new man