Student loans and dating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 28 and I am ready to settled down. I went on dates with 2 different women and they both have very high student loans debt. One is 30 and the other 26. I am not going to generalize based on a sample of 2, but is this common? They both went to graduate school. I just have a bachelor's degree in math and work as an actuary.

I didn't go to graduate school precisely for this reason because I wanted to get on the homeownership and retirement savings ladder quicker. So I went to a an average state college and came out with only $10k in student loans which I paid off my first year of working.

How do people manage this conversation if they come across someone they like but are worried about their student loans?

You asked people on your first dates whether they had student loan debt and if so how much? Yikes.

Not OP but it shows he is looking logically at it. It's a good indicator of the type of person he is interacting with if they are already in debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Female here. Liberal arts degree and an MPP. When DH and I started dating I was making $10 an hour at an internship with nearly $150k student loans. He had a solid job at the time and very little debt. 12 years later the loans were paid off years ago and I out earn him by more than $250k.

Moral of the story is don’t underestimate a woman’s ambition and earning potential. Things change relatively fast.

Wow I picked the wrong field lol. I have a master's degree in mechanical engineering and making $160k which is actually high in my field. And here a public policy maters recipient makes over $250k wow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a colleague who refused to date guys with student loan debt. She went to a cheap state school for undergrad and our employer paid for her part time law school.

She ended up marrying a divorced guy 15 years her senior. It all worked out, but she was excluding a huge portion of her peers who would be in well paying jobs. Seems kinda dumb, tbh, to exclude lawyers and doctors from your dating pool.

She shouldn't exclude doctors but lawyers yes. Don't marry a lawyer. I don't know how male lawyers are, but female lawyers stau far far far away. I don't know I feel like law attack a certain type of women who just don't make great wives.

[Anonymous]

I had 130K in debt from MIT (its much more expensive now). I make 3-5x what my husband does. As long as education was done with the intention to make more it makes sense. If someone has 100K in debt and wants to be a social worker that makes no sense at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had 130K in debt from MIT (its much more expensive now). I make 3-5x what my husband does. As long as education was done with the intention to make more it makes sense. If someone has 100K in debt and wants to be a social worker that makes no sense at all.

I agree with you; however, I think many of us are underestimating the competition for high wages today. In the past it may have made sense to take huge debt. I am simply not convinced that it makes sense for a HS grad today to walk into any college with the confidence that they will eventually have a very high paying job and will be able to easily pay off the debt.

[Anonymous]

There is a big difference between paying back a $160k loan as a single income earner vs a married one. Marriage is less and less common. The future generation of student loans payees are more likely to be single for much longer and here is a good chance many will never marry. This is a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Female here. Liberal arts degree and an MPP. When DH and I started dating I was making $10 an hour at an internship with nearly $150k student loans. He had a solid job at the time and very little debt. 12 years later the loans were paid off years ago and I out earn him by more than $250k.

Moral of the story is don’t underestimate a woman’s ambition and earning potential. Things change relatively fast.

Wow I picked the wrong field lol. I have a master's degree in mechanical engineering and making $160k which is actually high in my field. And here a public policy maters recipient makes over $250k wow

Because I moved to tech. Best decision I ever made. I was never going to save the world from K street anyway 😂

[Anonymous]

Men are very practical. They hate debt. I have yet to meet a real man who likes high debt. They are off put by potential romantic partners who are in heavy debt, and for good reason. Their debt becomes your debt if you should marry. OP, you're right to be worried. I would be worried about it, too. I would not marry anyone who has very high student loan debt. They would have to show me they are making monthly payments and are incredibly serious about paying it off for me to put a ring on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just have a bachelor's degree in math and work as an actuary.

Congratulations on your great, stable, well-paying career.

The population of singles is filled with losers, broke single parents, and substance abusers. You don't want any of this.

Average medical school debt is $200k. That is fine because doctors' incomes exceed $300k. It resembles a trucker who owns a large rig with a $200k loan because the debt finances an income-producing investment. But large student debt for "prestigious" and useless degrees is a red flag. These people demand student loan "justice" because they don't want to pay. Places like Columbia and Georgetown exploit their names by offering graduate programs and certificates that are not selective nor rigorous, but offer some expensive cachet.

Irresponsible entitled people get useless degrees and expect a future partner to bail them out. Some people have $1MM+ in student loans! If you marry someone with significant debt, get a prenup to keep your finances separate. There are cases where the man's assets and income paid off the woman's student loans, and then she filed for divorce!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look for girls who are good at math. They tend to understand how to manage money better. Not liberal arts in other words.

Anyone who calls women girls and makes comments like this should be ignored for the intel that they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Female here. Liberal arts degree and an MPP. When DH and I started dating I was making $10 an hour at an internship with nearly $150k student loans. He had a solid job at the time and very little debt. 12 years later the loans were paid off years ago and I out earn him by more than $250k.

Moral of the story is don’t underestimate a woman’s ambition and earning potential. Things change relatively fast.

Similar story here. My liberal arts degree BA AND my MA are seen as essentially "underwater basket weaving." I made $19k right out of college, $30k right out of grad school but was making $100k quickly after that and have been making between $250-$400k ever since. People seek me out for my writing and strategic abilities. It's what you DO with your degree that matters most.

[Anonymous]

The main issue with student loan debt is that it indicates the person's parents probably don't have a lot of money meaning there is likely to be no financial assistance/inheritance from that side of the family, and even worse, you may have to assist THEM with money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not factor student loan debt into my decision of who to date for marriage. As long as she was not ignoring it.

I would. I guarantee if men were the ones with the debt women will absolutely use it as a factor. But since they are the ones with the debt we have to ignore their debt.

I’ve seen at least one other response that matches this, but my DH had about $150k in loan debt when I married him and was more or less unpaid at the time as he was earning his PhD. I had a low paying job at the time too, but no debt (in fact, savings due to an inheritance). But I trusted his PhD was a good investment and would help him get a better job and also I value education and academic pursuits so it aligned with my values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The main issue with student loan debt is that it indicates the person's parents probably don't have a lot of money meaning there is likely to be no financial assistance/inheritance from that side of the family, and even worse, you may have to assist THEM with money.

That's great if there is no assistance from Mommy and daddy..what's wrong with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just have a bachelor's degree in math and work as an actuary.

Congratulations on your great, stable, well-paying career.

The population of singles is filled with losers, broke single parents, and substance abusers. You don't want any of this.

Average medical school debt is $200k. That is fine because doctors' incomes exceed $300k. It resembles a trucker who owns a large rig with a $200k loan because the debt finances an income-producing investment. But large student debt for "prestigious" and useless degrees is a red flag. These people demand student loan "justice" because they don't want to pay. Places like Columbia and Georgetown exploit their names by offering graduate programs and certificates that are not selective nor rigorous, but offer some expensive cachet.

Irresponsible entitled people get useless degrees and expect a future partner to bail them out. Some people have $1MM+ in student loans! If you marry someone with significant debt, get a prenup to keep your finances separate. There are cases where the man's assets and income paid off the woman's student loans, and then she filed for divorce!

No way lol. That's impossible.