Student loans and dating
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Anonymous
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I am 28 and I am ready to settled down. I went on dates with 2 different women and they both have very high student loans debt. One is 30 and the other 26. I am not going to generalize based on a sample of 2, but is this common? They both went to graduate school. I just have a bachelor's degree in math and work as an actuary.
I didn't go to graduate school precisely for this reason because I wanted to get on the homeownership and retirement savings ladder quicker. So I went to a an average state college and came out with only $10k in student loans which I paid off my first year of working. How do people manage this conversation if they come across someone they like but are worried about their student loans? |
Anonymous
| Look for girls who are good at math. They tend to understand how to manage money better. Not liberal arts in other words. |
Anonymous
| My husband and I got married while I was in law school, so he knew I had student loan debt. I had a very clear plan to pay off that debt and executed that plan. So just having student loan debt I don't think is a red flag as long as there's a plan. |
Anonymous
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Many postpone marriage, having kids, and home ownership due to burdensome student loan debt.
No easy way to address this topic. Just be straightforward. |
Anonymous
| More women than men are going to college. And in some fields more women are going to graduate school as well. And college is getting more expensive. Not every woman comes equipped with a well funded 529. So you will come across more and more women with student loans, some with amount in the $100k+. I think this is even worse among minorities. I am African American and my fiance has a master's degree. I am not going to say how much she has in student loans because it's depressing. I just went to a community college and work as an electrician..I thought about going to VTech for electrical engineering subsequently but I am glad I didn't. I hope my fiance starts earning more in the years to come else we are not going to be able to buy a house or have kids. I am doing okay as an electrician and I see a good future in it. |
Anonymous
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A lot of girls are still being raised to be women that think it’s a man’s job to pay for everything so they do t really care about their debt. Once they find a man, they make it his problem.
Even on this board that is more liberal than some, posts on these topics have more than 50% of responses saying he needs to pay and it is very rare to see any post ever ascribe any financial responsibility to women. Unless you want to take on their debt, move on. |
Anonymous
| Most of you on this forum will probably not be grandparents because your children are probably not going to get married and/or have children..Now if you have endowed then with trust funds then you may have a chance. Even then I am not sure. Kudos to kids who are doing it these days. The cost of living is insane. |
Anonymous
| You will be single a long time if you avoid women with student loan debt. If you want an ambitious women who can support herself, she's likely to have gone to graduate school. |
Anonymous
| Don't date a lawyer lol. They may earn a lot, but they aren't the easiest people to marry. I just divorced one. |
Anonymous
| Women here and in general are more educated than men and sometimes that includes student loans. I’m 38 and just paid mine off while my husband who is a Fed got his forgiven last year. We were both paying towards them but still bought a house and started a family. Both of us had to pay our own way in college and grad school - loans were the only way to get an education past high school and it was worth it. I also dated men who came from wealthier backgrounds and some did seem to be confused why I still had loans. I think it’s important to have similar values when it comes to money esp around budgeting but judging someone for pursuing an education and having loans, seems pretty shortsighted and will limit your dating pool. |
Anonymous
| I would not factor student loan debt into my decision of who to date for marriage. As long as she was not ignoring it. |
Anonymous
OP is an actuary. He will probably make a good living in the years to come. He only has a bachelor's degree..some women need to quit this illusion that a graduate degree is the ticket to a well earning and ambitious career because they just end up with stupid student loans that take years to payoff. |
Anonymous
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My now DH had a moderate amount in student loan debt (close to $100K) and I had exactly $0. I balked slightly at it at first, but really, almost everybody had that kind of debt at that age. I think he brought it up in conversation casually before I could ask.
We paid it off so quickly after marriage that it was basically a non-issue. It took maybe 3 years without skimping too much on other parts of our life like travel. There is no my money his money, my debts his debts once you marry. You can broach the topic after a few dates but don’t let it disqualify an otherwise great woman (within reason, of course). If she’s the right person, you’ll make it work! |
Anonymous
I would. I guarantee if men were the ones with the debt women will absolutely use it as a factor. But since they are the ones with the debt we have to ignore their debt. |
Anonymous
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Get a prenup. Do not have any any joint credit cards or loans to mess up your credit with hers. Keep finances separate.
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