Student loans and dating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 28 and I am ready to settled down. I went on dates with 2 different women and they both have very high student loans debt. One is 30 and the other 26. I am not going to generalize based on a sample of 2, but is this common? They both went to graduate school. I just have a bachelor's degree in math and work as an actuary.

I didn't go to graduate school precisely for this reason because I wanted to get on the homeownership and retirement savings ladder quicker. So I went to a an average state college and came out with only $10k in student loans which I paid off my first year of working.

How do people manage this conversation if they come across someone they like but are worried about their student loans?

Just so I'm understanding this correctly... You discussed student loan debt on a first date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look for girls who are good at math. They tend to understand how to manage money better. Not liberal arts in other words.

Mathematics is literally a liberal art, doofus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of girls are still being raised to be women that think it’s a man’s job to pay for everything so they do t really care about their debt. Once they find a man, they make it his problem.

Even on this board that is more liberal than some, posts on these topics have more than 50% of responses saying he needs to pay and it is very rare to see any post ever ascribe any financial responsibility to women.

Unless you want to take on their debt, move on.

This is just stupid. I had student loan debt when I got married (and so did my husband). it's not credit card debt. My parents didn't pay for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 28 and I am ready to settled down. I went on dates with 2 different women and they both have very high student loans debt. One is 30 and the other 26. I am not going to generalize based on a sample of 2, but is this common? They both went to graduate school. I just have a bachelor's degree in math and work as an actuary.

I didn't go to graduate school precisely for this reason because I wanted to get on the homeownership and retirement savings ladder quicker. So I went to a an average state college and came out with only $10k in student loans which I paid off my first year of working.

How do people manage this conversation if they come across someone they like but are worried about their student loans?

Just so I'm understanding this correctly... You discussed student loan debt on a first date?

Right?! But OP is an actuary, so probaby very boring. I have a JD that my parents paid for. If you asked me if I had student loans on the first date, I would have not agreed to a second date. Dating is inhertently a risk, OP. You should know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 28 and I am ready to settled down. I went on dates with 2 different women and they both have very high student loans debt. One is 30 and the other 26. I am not going to generalize based on a sample of 2, but is this common? They both went to graduate school. I just have a bachelor's degree in math and work as an actuary.

I didn't go to graduate school precisely for this reason because I wanted to get on the homeownership and retirement savings ladder quicker. So I went to a an average state college and came out with only $10k in student loans which I paid off my first year of working.

How do people manage this conversation if they come across someone they like but are worried about their student loans?

Just so I'm understanding this correctly... You discussed student loan debt on a first date?

Right?! But OP is an actuary, so probaby very boring. I have a JD that my parents paid for. If you asked me if I had student loans on the first date, I would have not agreed to a second date. Dating is inhertently a risk, OP. You should know that.

The condescending trust fund baby with a JD has entered the room..she finds OP boring lol. I am sure she is not boring with a JD paid by mommy and daddy

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised this is even an issue. If someone is concerned about a potential partner having student loan debt, then start dating waitresses, hairdressers, and construction workers. However, you could be like my relative who dated a waitress who then decided she wanted to advance in life and he paid for her to attend college and she got a job working in a lab.

Student loan debt isn’t like credit card debit or a car loan for a G Wagon. It’s an investment in yourself and future earning potential.

[Anonymous]

It's very normal to have debt if you have an advanced degree. Especially the 26 year old. She probably hasn't been working full time for very long at all.

For the 30 year old, ask more questions. What was the degree, what is the earning potential. Also be aware that some graduate schools offer loan repayment assistance *after graduation* so struggling to pay off loans early means giving up that assistance. I went $250,000 in debt for a top law school, paid it off gradually according to the assistance plan, and it was never a problem and always totally fine.

Why would you think you stand any chance of not seeming nerdy, you are an actuary so there is no hope of that.

[Anonymous]

You can always keep your finances separate with each contributing to joint expenses. Many married people, of all generations do that. Don't let the student loan issue be an issue, until it is an issue. Not until you are talking of sharing a future together, or you say something that implies they want a spouse to financially take care of them.

[Anonymous]

The subsequent question is what did they invest that student loan in?
Law school? Or, say, a dance degree?

If the latter, hard pass. I myself danced in high school and every serious student knows whether they have the talent to make a living from it by the time they are a HS senior. Even Juilliard doesn't turn out professional dancers, it's usually a combo of singing dancing and acting there. And most of them end up as real estate agents.
Which is a long way to say, how self aware are your dates about themselves and money?

[Anonymous]

How much do you think of as "very high"?

Remember, they are evaluating you as well. Ask about this in a humble way that doesn't suggest you think you are smarter or better because of your BA and low borrowing. Admit that you don't know much about how people pay for graduate school. It's not necessarily a better deal financially to be so afraid of debt that you sacrifice earnings potential by going to a lower tier school and avoiding graduate school. You need to convince them that it was a good choice, not naive, and that it won't limit your/their future. Be prepared to answer questions about your own earnings potential and whether you plan to go to graduate school. And if you're tempted to say night school, consider how that fits with parenting.

[Anonymous]

So you're saying that you bought real estate in a strong market? Let's see how the coming recession goes for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of girls are still being raised to be women that think it’s a man’s job to pay for everything so they do t really care about their debt. Once they find a man, they make it his problem.

Even on this board that is more liberal than some, posts on these topics have more than 50% of responses saying he needs to pay and it is very rare to see any post ever ascribe any financial responsibility to women.

Unless you want to take on their debt, move on.

This is just stupid. I had student loan debt when I got married (and so did my husband). it's not credit card debt. My parents didn't pay for college.

And let me guess, his income paid off your debt. Of course it seems stupid if you don't care about debt because that is what husbands are for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised this is even an issue. If someone is concerned about a potential partner having student loan debt, then start dating waitresses, hairdressers, and construction workers. However, you could be like my relative who dated a waitress who then decided she wanted to advance in life and he paid for her to attend college and she got a job working in a lab.

Student loan debt isn’t like credit card debit or a car loan for a G Wagon. It’s an investment in yourself and future earning potential.

They deserve love as well. Or are these people somehow inferior to the grad school educated person?

[Anonymous]

I think we should be more careful about the future. Perhaps let's not keep making assumptions that some of the traditional fields that have paid well will continue to do so in the future therefore justifying these 100k+ loans

[Anonymous]

My husband, who is THE BEST, continued paying off my loans while I became a SAHM. He never once made me feel bad about it. I am still a SAHM many years later and we have accumulated significant wealth.