Student loans and dating

[Anonymous]

I think student loans show poor decision making skills. Even without a 529 there are generous scholarships for those who work hard and look for opportunities.

[Anonymous]

It depends on how much debt she has. My friend is dating someone who has $220k in student loans debt. I asked him 3 times if the amount he stated was correct.

I work in tech..the era of high salaries may not be over, but it's not longer a sure thing.

We don't hear about the doctors and lawyers who are struggling with high student loans debts. They do exist. We just hear about the successful ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think student loans show poor decision making skills. Even without a 529 there are generous scholarships for those who work hard and look for opportunities.

Sure…30 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will be single a long time if you avoid women with student loan debt. If you want an ambitious women who can support herself, she's likely to have gone to graduate school.

My DW was a paralegal when we met. She lived in a group house, and drove a used Civic. She’d paid off all her loans. Not “ambitious” in the DCUM world but she supported herself and did not have the huge debt red flag. Her financial prudence was a green flag!

[Anonymous]

Keep separate finances. File taxes separately if you marry. Have a prenup.

[Anonymous]

OP.here..Thank you all for the responses. Let me just clarify I don't mind dating someone with student loans. I have a very good salary and good earning potential. I deal with risk in my professional life and I can easily run the numbers. However, I just want to know how do I actually approach this topic without offending the person. In my last 2 dates we weren't a good match so I didn't probe them further about the student loans so just knew the amount were astronomical.

Of course I don't expect every woman I'll date to have big student loans. The last 2 could very well be outliers.

I let the "one" slip away in college. I still think about her from time to time. She was ready and I wasn't. So I don't want to let go another one and if my next date has big student loans I just want tips on how to discuss about it without sounding too nerdy. I am already nerdy to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 28 and I am ready to settled down. I went on dates with 2 different women and they both have very high student loans debt. One is 30 and the other 26. I am not going to generalize based on a sample of 2, but is this common? They both went to graduate school. I just have a bachelor's degree in math and work as an actuary.

I didn't go to graduate school precisely for this reason because I wanted to get on the homeownership and retirement savings ladder quicker. So I went to a an average state college and came out with only $10k in student loans which I paid off my first year of working.

How do people manage this conversation if they come across someone they like but are worried about their student loans?

We told this to our kids that we sacrificed to pay for their private college, grad school and living expenses so they can have a leg up in life and it would be a waste if they get saddled with someone else's debt. Now, its up-to them to decide but honestly it would sadden me to see them in financial stress.

[Anonymous]

Nobody is perfect. Only you can determine whether student loan debt is more or less important than another factor such as religion, shared values, sense of humor, looks, etc.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think someone else’s debt is any of your business unless you hit it off and plan to become exclusive. If the relationship is going nowhere because you’re not a good match, why are you even discussing it?

[Anonymous]

Do women really have more student loans debt than men or is this another sexist assumption? I would guess both men and women have student loans debt at the same rate especially if they are in medecine, law, or business.

I don't think women would care if the man they love has student loans debt. When they want to start a family a financially burden man who has the potential of being a great husband and dad is a green flag I would think no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 28 and I am ready to settled down. I went on dates with 2 different women and they both have very high student loans debt. One is 30 and the other 26. I am not going to generalize based on a sample of 2, but is this common? They both went to graduate school. I just have a bachelor's degree in math and work as an actuary.

I didn't go to graduate school precisely for this reason because I wanted to get on the homeownership and retirement savings ladder quicker. So I went to a an average state college and came out with only $10k in student loans which I paid off my first year of working.

How do people manage this conversation if they come across someone they like but are worried about their student loans?

We told this to our kids that we sacrificed to pay for their private college, grad school and living expenses so they can have a leg up in life and it would be a waste if they get saddled with someone else's debt. Now, its up-to them to decide but honestly it would sadden me to see them in financial stress.

Tell your kids to filter out "non trust fund kids' and problems solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP.here..Thank you all for the responses. Let me just clarify I don't mind dating someone with student loans. I have a very good salary and good earning potential. I deal with risk in my professional life and I can easily run the numbers. However, I just want to know how do I actually approach this topic without offending the person. In my last 2 dates we weren't a good match so I didn't probe them further about the student loans so just knew the amount were astronomical.

Of course I don't expect every woman I'll date to have big student loans. The last 2 could very well be outliers.

I let the "one" slip away in college. I still think about her from time to time. She was ready and I wasn't. So I don't want to let go another one and if my next date has big student loans I just want tips on how to discuss about it without sounding too nerdy. I am already nerdy to begin with.

It isn’t offensive to ask straightfowardly by the 3rd or 4th date** but you should be able to surmise a general idea early from listening to her talk about her history. Is she a JD or PhD? Does she have a Masters and work at a non-profit? Did she go to a state school or a costly private?

**At this point ask her about her undergrad/grad experience. Did she love it or hate it, was it all worth it, taking on student loans suck amirite haha? Be light-hearted and non-judgmental and the details will flow from there. Boom, conversation done, now you know.

You seem kind of judgmental from the jump since you come off as thinking being an actuary with a BS is automatically superior other careers that require higher ed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think someone else’s debt is any of your business unless you hit it off and plan to become exclusive. If the relationship is going nowhere because you’re not a good match, why are you even discussing it?

This is a triggering post to debt ridden women. On tiktok there are all these women talking about $50k, $100k, $250k, $300k student loans debt. Absolutely insane. Is this the price women have to pay to reach gender parity in terms of pay and career ladder? I really hope not.

No wonder these "graduate school debt ridden women" look down on non college educated or college educated but unknown school men. It's rough...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP.here..Thank you all for the responses. Let me just clarify I don't mind dating someone with student loans. I have a very good salary and good earning potential. I deal with risk in my professional life and I can easily run the numbers. However, I just want to know how do I actually approach this topic without offending the person. In my last 2 dates we weren't a good match so I didn't probe them further about the student loans so just knew the amount were astronomical.

Of course I don't expect every woman I'll date to have big student loans. The last 2 could very well be outliers.

I let the "one" slip away in college. I still think about her from time to time. She was ready and I wasn't. So I don't want to let go another one and if my next date has big student loans I just want tips on how to discuss about it without sounding too nerdy. I am already nerdy to begin with.

It isn’t offensive to ask straightfowardly by the 3rd or 4th date** but you should be able to surmise a general idea early from listening to her talk about her history. Is she a JD or PhD? Does she have a Masters and work at a non-profit? Did she go to a state school or a costly private?

**At this point ask her about her undergrad/grad experience. Did she love it or hate it, was it all worth it, taking on student loans suck amirite haha? Be light-hearted and non-judgmental and the details will flow from there. Boom, conversation done, now you know.

You seem kind of judgmental from the jump since you come off as thinking being an actuary with a BS is automatically superior other careers that require higher ed.

If he is, he is far more humble that women who have a graduate degree in ANY field. Women are very condescending toward others (men and women) who went to lower ranked schools or didn't go to graduate school. Maybe it's a liberal woman thing I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do women really have more student loans debt than men or is this another sexist assumption? I would guess both men and women have student loans debt at the same rate especially if they are in medecine, law, or business.

I don't think women would care if the man they love has student loans debt. When they want to start a family a financially burden man who has the potential of being a great husband and dad is a green flag I would think no?

The data speaks for itself. Yes women have more student loans debt. This could perhaps explain also why they need to wait longer to start a family.

https://educationdata.org/student-loan-debt-by-gender