Do any parents out there know their kids are the mean ones?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

My kids care much more about their religion than their politics. As they should, given our religion says it's primary and politics is only good in it's place.

But we don't like the empathy obsession either. Feeling along with people doesn't you help them the way sympathy (feeling FOR them) does.

And you've misread our politics by the way. You can consider my politics, and my principals, to basically be The Dispatchp. And for now at least my girls agree.

You are correct and my assumption was wrong about your politics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

Empathy is not the problem. Stupidity is. We could use more open-hearted empathy paired with some critical thinking. But both are in very short supply these days.

Lots of stupid, short-sighted parents with superficial ambitions who raise stupid, short-sighted children with superficial ambitions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

Make sure you teach them to stand up straight when their mug shots are taken following their inevitable arrest for sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

So, you met DH and decided “screw all of the humanitarian values I formerly held. Let’s do a complete 180, go full social Darwin and raise a couple of Andrew Tates”.

I’m gonna go ahead and guess that you were not, in fact, a huge Democrat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid, who is also super sarcastic and a bit of a moody loner, is stereotyped by other children as the likely next school shooter. Kids joke about it. They reported him to the counselors, etc.

He is a bit non-conformist and verbally mean. Other kids that think they are sweet, and wonderful, and caring have actually been sabotaging little jerks.

He is usually cheerful at home and we have no risk factors. He hated middle school but high school is much better because there is finally lots of tracking for the brighter and harder working students.

So I'm aware that people feel that my kid is the mean kid but I know for sure that it's not all his personality.

I used to tell people just to leave him alone. No counseling, no jollying, no calling on, no rearranging seats. Just let the bear rest in his cage (school) and there will be no verbal paw swipes.

It's been funny to me to see the outcomes of the "nice
kids" who caused my son problems. They have lost popularity in high school. And one came to realize he falsely overstated my son's issues and caused him real problems. That kid expressed guilt. Good.

oh wow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

So, you met DH and decided “screw all of the humanitarian values I formerly held. Let’s do a complete 180, go full social Darwin and raise a couple of Andrew Tates”.

I’m gonna go ahead and guess that you were not, in fact, a huge Democrat.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

So, you met DH and decided “screw all of the humanitarian values I formerly held. Let’s do a complete 180, go full social Darwin and raise a couple of Andrew Tates”.

I’m gonna go ahead and guess that you were not, in fact, a huge Democrat.

Proudly voted for John Kerry in 2004. Thought W was a war criminal. Still think he’s an idiot. Don’t love Trump either but Harris was nothing but fake credentials.

That’s not how it worked. I had and have my same values. DH simply pointed out that many of those policies don’t work. For instance, I used to think we should spend more on schools for kids. DH would point out that funding has increased a lot since before we were born and kids are not getting smarter. It was like this on all sorts of topics where my values and policy effectiveness didn’t always mesh.

It’s sad you think boys like mine are “Andrew Tate.” There are lots of types of men other than Tate and Democratic husbands. My boys will make great husbands one day just like their father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

So, you met DH and decided “screw all of the humanitarian values I formerly held. Let’s do a complete 180, go full social Darwin and raise a couple of Andrew Tates”.

I’m gonna go ahead and guess that you were not, in fact, a huge Democrat.

Proudly voted for John Kerry in 2004. Thought W was a war criminal. Still think he’s an idiot. Don’t love Trump either but Harris was nothing but fake credentials.

That’s not how it worked. I had and have my same values. DH simply pointed out that many of those policies don’t work. For instance, I used to think we should spend more on schools for kids. DH would point out that funding has increased a lot since before we were born and kids are not getting smarter. It was like this on all sorts of topics where my values and policy effectiveness didn’t always mesh.

It’s sad you think boys like mine are “Andrew Tate.” There are lots of types of men other than Tate and Democratic husbands. My boys will make great husbands one day just like their father.

DP, and anyone who thinks it's OK to hold others in disdain is just a few wrong moves from holding their spouse in disdain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

So, you met DH and decided “screw all of the humanitarian values I formerly held. Let’s do a complete 180, go full social Darwin and raise a couple of Andrew Tates”.

I’m gonna go ahead and guess that you were not, in fact, a huge Democrat.

Proudly voted for John Kerry in 2004. Thought W was a war criminal. Still think he’s an idiot. Don’t love Trump either but Harris was nothing but fake credentials.

That’s not how it worked. I had and have my same values. DH simply pointed out that many of those policies don’t work. For instance, I used to think we should spend more on schools for kids. DH would point out that funding has increased a lot since before we were born and kids are not getting smarter. It was like this on all sorts of topics where my values and policy effectiveness didn’t always mesh.

It’s sad you think boys like mine are “Andrew Tate.” There are lots of types of men other than Tate and Democratic husbands. My boys will make great husbands one day just like their father.

You proudly said your boys construct hierarchies and exclude the weak, which sounds exactly like what every alpha male influencer preaches. Very few of those influencers or their followers have a successful track record with long term relationships.

As for Harris, she was a well qualified candidate. I don’t know where you get “nothing but fake credentials” from. Her credentials were genuine. Did you not vote for her because there was no official record of her working at McDonald’s one summer in the 1980s?

I agree with you that W was a war criminal and idiot, but thankfully he wasn’t a grifting narcissistic felon who placed loyalty above expertise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oldest 2 boys are probably mean. They exclude other boys and hold weak ones in semi-open disdain. We didn’t teach them to be this way but it came to them naturally.

They’re not cruel, though. The funny thing is they’re rewarded for their behavior by the other boys and girls.

And you know you have to rein it in, instead of writing that out as if you were proud of them?

Disagree. They’re not cruel and it helps them socially. They were raised to be strong, so not sure why I’d try to teach them something different after all these years.

I am proud of their strength, and I should be. DH and I made choices to raise good men, and we got what we wanted.

How does it show strength when they are disdainful of weaker children??? I see plenty of strong young men around my children's school and they have nothing to prove to anyone, no need to show off by bullying others. I see kids like your sons and they don't look strong, they look ridiculous. And if you're not sure why you'd teach your sons to be something other than "mean" (your words, in your first post), then you're probably beyond help.

Good question. As DH explains it, boys need hierarchy. Our two oldest exclude those who try to buck it. I should have been more clear.

This forum has a feminine take on protecting the weak. However, because my boys are strong, I don’t always agree with that reflex. Moms I know with strong sons think the way I do.

Do you mean physically strong? Tall and big? Socially adept? Good looking? I sincerely don’t even know what in the actual hell you are talking about.

“As DH explains it, boys need hierarchy” made me lol though. Glad your husband is around to explain these things.

I have

This is what MAGA parenting is producing. yikes

[Anonymous]

My daughter has been popular since preschool. She had friends who were classic girl bullies and others who weren’t.

Her teachers have always told me that if someone was picking on another kid my daughter would shut it right down. She was always meticulous with her clothing but never made fun of anyone else. I told her most kids don’t care about fashion and that’s their choice.

My family and friends include a lot of athletic people who went on to D1 or D3 sports Some went professional. None of them are or were bullies. They didn’t have time for that and why would they bully? Who would find pleasure in making someone else feel bad? If anything the frustrated weaker guys playing sports who weren’t gonna make it would take it out on others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My family and friends include a lot of athletic people who went on to D1 or D3 sports Some went professional. None of them are or were bullies. They didn’t have time for that and why would they bully? Who would find pleasure in making someone else feel bad? If anything the frustrated weaker guys playing sports who weren’t gonna make it would take it out on others.

Because as usual sweeping generalizations are often very wrong. There are definitely great athletes who are bullies alongside those who barely made the team or are resentful. It comes down to the individual not the "type".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My family and friends include a lot of athletic people who went on to D1 or D3 sports Some went professional. None of them are or were bullies. They didn’t have time for that and why would they bully? Who would find pleasure in making someone else feel bad? If anything the frustrated weaker guys playing sports who weren’t gonna make it would take it out on others.

Because as usual sweeping generalizations are often very wrong. There are definitely great athletes who are bullies alongside those who barely made the team or are resentful. It comes down to the individual not the "type".

+1
I don’t see any correlation. Talking about teens, some of the elite athletes are incredibly nice/humble. Others are total jerks. And same for the weak athletes, and those in the middle too. Just depends on the kid. But some elite athletes are jerks, for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid, who is also super sarcastic and a bit of a moody loner, is stereotyped by other children as the likely next school shooter. Kids joke about it. They reported him to the counselors, etc.

He is a bit non-conformist and verbally mean. Other kids that think they are sweet, and wonderful, and caring have actually been sabotaging little jerks.

He is usually cheerful at home and we have no risk factors. He hated middle school but high school is much better because there is finally lots of tracking for the brighter and harder working students.

So I'm aware that people feel that my kid is the mean kid but I know for sure that it's not all his personality.

I used to tell people just to leave him alone. No counseling, no jollying, no calling on, no rearranging seats. Just let the bear rest in his cage (school) and there will be no verbal paw swipes.

It's been funny to me to see the outcomes of the "nice
kids" who caused my son problems. They have lost popularity in high school. And one came to realize he falsely overstated my son's issues and caused him real problems. That kid expressed guilt. Good.

oh wow

My son is doing much, much better in high school taking APs and other hard classes. Found a new crowd of nerds. Still pretty sarcastic and critical of school dysfunction. He might never be anyone's favorite coworker, but hating middle school a lot and mouthing off edgily a couple of times does not make one autistic or a true safety risk to others. The more time goes on, the more I feel vindicated that the school context was the problem and that his friends had been given too many brochures and lectures about the need to refer any discomfort from being alive to authority figures. And then one found it funny to keep getting my son pulled into the counselor's office. That was how he got back at my son. Very devious. Weaponizing school safety processes to harass my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My family and friends include a lot of athletic people who went on to D1 or D3 sports Some went professional. None of them are or were bullies. They didn’t have time for that and why would they bully? Who would find pleasure in making someone else feel bad? If anything the frustrated weaker guys playing sports who weren’t gonna make it would take it out on others.

Because as usual sweeping generalizations are often very wrong. There are definitely great athletes who are bullies alongside those who barely made the team or are resentful. It comes down to the individual not the "type".

Which is what I wanted to show. The mother who claimed her kids play lacrosse and are “strong” and that’s why they are so disdainful of others isn’t typical.

Plus kids who excel in academics and are involved in school activities don’t take the time to bully others. They are living their lives. My son is in special Ed and it’s not the smart kids being rude and name calling.

That “mom” who stereotypes lax bros as she calls her two kids and thinks their meanness is justified is wrong. Insecure kids not sure of themselves bully.