My 8yo DD has become a spoiled brat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been divorced? Has she seen a counselor?

Other than that I agree with everyone else. Too much for one day, and you should have taken her home as soon as she acted up. Get her out of one of those after school classes, it's too much after a full day of school.

She needs consequences for her behavior. Immediate consequences, not a trip to Chuck E Cheese.

I also think the child of divorced parents needs compassion and understanding, but go ahead and try locking her in her room to see if that fixes everything.

I agree with this, and will also note that with divorced parents, strict discipline won't work if the other parent isn't following at least a similar approach. Sounds like OP and her ex need to work together to address this, and I'd start with a therapist for the girl to help her process the divorce, her feelings, and to get an adult involved who can be more neutral and more exclusively focused on the child's needs.

DIsagree. A child can learn that mom's house has certain rules and boundaries, and will probably feel much more at peace and loved if those rules and boundaries are enforced firmly but with kindness. And that sense of peace will probably lead to an easier time maintaining good behavior.

Yes it's great if co-parents can maintain the same expectations, but if not then having one is better than none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been divorced? Has she seen a counselor?

Other than that I agree with everyone else. Too much for one day, and you should have taken her home as soon as she acted up. Get her out of one of those after school classes, it's too much after a full day of school.

She needs consequences for her behavior. Immediate consequences, not a trip to Chuck E Cheese.

I also think the child of divorced parents needs compassion and understanding, but go ahead and try locking her in her room to see if that fixes everything.

Uh do what now? I am a single mom and you can be darn sure I maintain proper expectations for my child and institute consequences as needed. Divorce is not an excuse not to parent your child properly.

Good for you. Just tell OP everything you do so she can do the same and I'm sure it'll work like a charm.

Serious question, do you just let your kids run wild because you’re divorced? If so you are doing them a disservice.

I am neither divorced nor do I let my kids run wild. I'm actually pretty strict, but I also realize that sometimes consequences/punishment aren't the answer, especially when the reason behind the behavior isn't something that will be "cured" by sending someone to their room. Do you really think a child's anger/sadness/anxiety about a divorce would disappear if she were punished enough times?

[Anonymous]

People are piling on you and I agree you should be setting limits, enforcing them, and not overstimulating her. But also she needs therapy. You said you’ve had a divorce. There was probably arguing or other conflict leading up to the divorce. She may be depressed or have anxiety or something like that and it can be expressed as the kind of behavior you’re describing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think it's environmental: screens or divorce, or whatever else people always like to point to.

My kids are terminally online and are very calm people. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times (combined) they've had tantrums in their lives - and they're 19 and 14.

Personality and volatility are mostly determined by genetic predisposition, so look to the parents. Were any of you volatile? Could you have been but were disciplined so much you were controlled by fear instead?

Impulsivity and anger like this is are red flags for hyperactive ADHD and anxiety. A neurotypical 9 year old does not have full blown tantrums like this, OP. You should have your daughter evaluated by a psychologist, because if she has ADHD, anxiety, or something else that's diagnosable, it's not going to go away by itself. It will need a specific parental approach, and quite likely therapy and medication.

You’re a moron. You’d rather medicate kids than improve their lifestyle? No wonder you raised screen-addicted dummies.

PP you replied to. Ha ha. My ADHD kid graduated with a 4.67 wgpa and scored a 35 out of 36 on his ACT. My non-ADHD kid will rack up 14 AP courses. Who are you calling a moron?

You need to accept that some children need psychiatric and therapeutic support. I am not saying that OP's child needs that. I am saying that OP needs to observe their kid and do their research, because a 9 year old having a tantrum like this is NOT normal.

[Anonymous]

Family therapy OP! Good on your for recognizing the problem, and that you have a role in it.

It's not too late!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m doing a lot of reading between the lines, but it seems like you don’t have template for a good, stable relationship. You are surrounded by people who live fairly chaotic lives. It sounds like you live kind of a chaotic life.

It would probably be good for you to go to therapy with you can and develop a good relationship with your therapist.
Barring that, read the stuff on this thread, watch Family Ties and the like, and try to emulate it. This really is how a lot of people live most of their lives. It’s just kind of boring and pleasant.

+1 this has socioeconomic overtones that are probably unfair... But it doesn't seem like OP knows how to spend time with her daughter in a less structured but nurturing way, and needs some modeling of that.

I think a lot of DCUM wouldn't react the same way to 3 activities in a day that are like hike, bday party, sport practice/game. But movie/arcade/Chuck e cheese doesn't seem like "good parenting" when bundled together.