Can I give an ultimatum over H’s job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate these “it’s all on me. I and only I do all the work!!” threads.

So don't read them. You clearly lack perspective. It’s like reading a SN thread when you don’t have a SN child. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Shorter hours and less commute and same money and he wants to give that up? Either he's more gay than he wants to admit, he doesn't like you,or you're that unbearable to be around. (Also was he working his pretty 28 year old colleague at his old job?)

I WFH at my highest salary I've ever made but shifted to that in 2022 after my wife who has a very visible disability miscarried and I had to either burn leave or go back to my SCIF on that Monday. I like being able to have afternoon delight on my lunch break. Then my wife can sit in her tub all afternoon and relax if she wants. If we have another baby I can help with childcare and my wife can use my closet which is now a laundry closet. That makes laundry easier and lower risk for her. Steps away instead of multiple flights of steps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord I hope he takes it and let you go your way. Do you even work?

Yes, I work full time and make about 50% more than him.

So very frustrating I'm the main breadwinner and I’m expected to do most of the domestic work so he can have a fun job.

What does this even mean? Expected to do the domestic work by whom? Him? Has he told you that or are you just another typical DCUM mommy martyr?

DP here. I hate this tone on here. It means if she wants the kids to have a hot dinner or clean laundry she has to do it. If she wants them off screens she has to enforce it. Because if she doesn’t, he just, won’t.

Did he have his “fun” job when she married him? Did he have his “fun” job when she had multiple kids with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're in the right here. He can't expect you to shoulder the finances and all the domestic work so he can pursue a vanity project.

+1 When you become a parent, sometimes your wants have to take a backseat.

It's not fair for the other parent to shoulder everything just because you want a job that you like better. He had that for a while; OP sacrificed those years. It's unreasonable for him to expect her to do that again for years. He's selfish and doesn't think about her needs and wants.

Like I keep saying, most men should not have children. They are not ready to give up their selfish life and be responsible for another human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shorter hours and less commute and same money and he wants to give that up? Either he's more gay than he wants to admit, he doesn't like you,or you're that unbearable to be around. (Also was he working his pretty 28 year old colleague at his old job?)

I WFH at my highest salary I've ever made but shifted to that in 2022 after my wife who has a very visible disability miscarried and I had to either burn leave or go back to my SCIF on that Monday. I like being able to have afternoon delight on my lunch break. Then my wife can sit in her tub all afternoon and relax if she wants. If we have another baby I can help with childcare and my wife can use my closet which is now a laundry closet. That makes laundry easier and lower risk for her. Steps away instead of multiple flights of steps.

You're a good DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a full time single parent is incredibly hard, OP. I wouldn’t throw that around lightly. You have no idea all the benefits you have just by having a second person around for emergencies or in case you need to run to the store for diapers after dinner.

so... basically, her DH is like an as needed baby sitter?

[Anonymous]

Is your husband the bird person? If so then just link to your other thread. It's not helpful to post the same thing again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord I hope he takes it and let you go your way. Do you even work?

Yes, I work full time and make about 50% more than him.

So very frustrating I'm the main breadwinner and I’m expected to do most of the domestic work so he can have a fun job.

Yeah that's not fair. Just because his old job was odd hours doesn't mean he doesn't have to do his share. If that means he folds laundry at 2 am, then so be it. You don't have any more hours in the day than he does, so if he goes back to that job then it sounds like he needs to adapt better and be able to do more (and that means more of the things that can be done at any hour or shifting his schedule to be available when needed even if it doesn't then follow a traditional sleep/wake/work pattern).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can give the ultimatum, but you should be prepared to accept his decision and follow through. Are you honestly and truly prepared to leave him if he decides he wants to stay on the fast track, or are you bluffing and hoping that he makes the 'right' choice?

Yes, I would leave. It was absolutely miserable for me being the solo parent while he had zero energy at home to do anything. I may as well just be a full single parent.

Was he working more than the 40 hours he's doing now? If not, then he would need to suck it up and deal with the fact that he works while most people sleep. There's no excuse for being tired all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a full time single parent is incredibly hard, OP. I wouldn’t throw that around lightly. You have no idea all the benefits you have just by having a second person around for emergencies or in case you need to run to the store for diapers after dinner.

so... basically, her DH is like an as needed baby sitter?

😩

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a full time single parent is incredibly hard, OP. I wouldn’t throw that around lightly. You have no idea all the benefits you have just by having a second person around for emergencies or in case you need to run to the store for diapers after dinner.

This is stupid. DoorDash exists for delivering diapers and is way cheaper and easier than a spouse who doesn’t pull their weight.

And honestly, the only reason people run out of diapers mid-week is because the H failed to follow through on handling supplies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a full time single parent is incredibly hard, OP. I wouldn’t throw that around lightly. You have no idea all the benefits you have just by having a second person around for emergencies or in case you need to run to the store for diapers after dinner.

This is stupid. DoorDash exists for delivering diapers and is way cheaper and easier than a spouse who doesn’t pull their weight.

And honestly, the only reason people run out of diapers mid-week is because the H failed to follow through on handling supplies.

+1. As a full time single mom with no partner, I would *never* trade the life I’ve built for the depressing scenario of a dude sitting around whose only contribution is maintaining a pulse while I run out to the store. DD comes with me, we instacart it, or any number of other solutions. But giving in to running myself into the ground just to have some guy around while I still make the money? Jesus, hard pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there any love in this equation? Do you love him? Does he love kids? Is it just a set up where both of you are trapped due to obligation?

This is such an unfair question. You can love someone and they can treat you badly. OP is saying that she is not OK with doing more than 50% of the parenting -- something that was required in the other job. Loving someone doesn't require that you be their household/parenting slave.