Divorce advice

[Anonymous]

OP, i am in a similar situation. Getting myself on Lexapro helped A LOT to stop being sad and get more clarity. Consider getting screened for depression and using meds, just to get you through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, i am in a similar situation. Getting myself on Lexapro helped A LOT to stop being sad and get more clarity. Consider getting screened for depression and using meds, just to get you through it.

Lexapro helped me gain a lot of weight.

[Anonymous]

not helped but caused me to gain*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all. For those who have been through it, does it get better? It is so hard right now.

- OP

PP here with the similar situation.

You are at the hardest point now. I had weeks where I was crying and just could not accept the situation, kept hoping and hoping we could find another way. Once I accepted it fully, it was SO easy. I realized I had been swimming upstream for so long.

Divorced life, IMO, has very few downsides. I kept the house. My career is taking off. My other relationships (friendships, family) got a lot stronger during this period. Feeling peaceful and realizing that so many of my health issues -- trouble sleeping, irregular cycles, stomach pains -- were all out of stress from the relationship. I have not felt so good in years. Everyone comments that I am glowing.

The kids are of course having a tough time, and that is hard. But it was harder for them to be exposed to his volatility and rage towards me. He has 50/50 and that situation is not perfect by any means. I do flex my work schedule and spend as much time with them as possible. I am committed to giving them the best home I can.

Most of all, I can give the kids something that I couldn't while married -- a mother who has self-respect and self-love. It is very hard for you right no OP because you have the worst of both worlds. You have no functional partner AND you need to put up with his emotional abuse. Once you eliminate the abuse, you'll figure out how to manage without a partner and you'll realize that it's so much easier than you feared because you've been doing it for a long time. As the dead space he took up in your life can finally start to live again, you'll find that it is filled with new and newly renewed relationships, joy, and hope.

Wishing you the best and hope you can look forward to things improving.

This should be printed out and framed. It's all true. I wondered why I wasn't crying, tbh. I realized later that I had done my crying in all the years leading up to the day where ex said he wanted a divorce. OP a much better life is waiting for you, and for your kids. Sending you good thoughts. Try to reframe this, not as a loss but as an opportunity to live your life on your terms, free of those shackles. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to stop crying and carrying on when he says he is leaving. Model for your kids that you are strong.

You should get them into therapy, but you also need to get some perspective here and stop thinking any of you can work by crying and begging. You need to tell your kids that their dad doesn’t want to be married to you and that you are filing for divorce. Stop living at the whims of someone who seems to be having a mental health crisis.

All of this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poster on 3/23/25 at 16:20, where are you located? Would you mind sharing who your attorney was? And the mediator that you mentioned who was experienced with mental health issues? Thank you.

I am in MD. Not sure if it would be useful to you?

Not OP, but I am looking for similar in MD if you see this and are willing to share. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poster on 3/23/25 at 16:20, where are you located? Would you mind sharing who your attorney was? And the mediator that you mentioned who was experienced with mental health issues? Thank you.

I am in MD. Not sure if it would be useful to you?

Not OP, but I am looking for similar in MD if you see this and are willing to share. Thank you.

Mediator — Nancy Caplan