Boyfriend lied to me..forgive or break up?

[Anonymous]

My sister’s OL date lied about his job, because he worked in a prison (in a helping capacity).

He eventually told her. They have now been together for a long time and he seems like a good guy.

I would prefer a guy who is vague instead of lies, but perhaps they have learned that telling the hard truth early on prevents them from being considered?

[Anonymous]

Forgive

[Anonymous]

This is the type of guy what will pretend he still has a job when gets laid off.

[Anonymous]

Just make sure if you marry him you get a pre nup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What gives me pause isn't the lie, it's these two red flags:

1) He needed to be pushed to come clean. The lie wasn't bugging him or eating him up - he just got caught.

2) His explanation for the lie is to basically put it at your feet. "Well, I was intimidated by YOU so I lied."

The flip side of that is "I wouldn't have needed to lie if you weren't so successful."

In both cases he is making his lies into your problem. That's an issue, and one that will only get worse with time.

Yup. Insecure manchild. Do not date, do not marry, do not pass go and collect $200. Gtf away from losers like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister’s OL date lied about his job, because he worked in a prison (in a helping capacity).

He eventually told her. They have now been together for a long time and he seems like a good guy.

I would prefer a guy who is vague instead of lies, but perhaps they have learned that telling the hard truth early on prevents them from being considered?

“Girls don’t like me when I tell them I’m broke, I’ll just lie about it to get in their pants!”
Yeah, real quality mate there 🙄. Real men don’t need to lie about who they are to attract a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the type of guy what will pretend he still has a job when gets laid off.

Good point. Op, you should find the thread about the wife whose husband lied to her face for over a year about having a job (after he was fired). He got up every morning, pretended to go to work, went to f*** around, manipulated their finances and investments to further his lie and avoid telling the truth.

Dating a liar is constantly wondering if what they’re saying is true. Constantly wondering if they are lying straight to your face. Your bf has already done this to you, multiple times, with a straight face. How do you trust a single word out of his mouth going forward?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the type of guy what will pretend he still has a job when gets laid off.

Good point. Op, you should find the thread about the wife whose husband lied to her face for over a year about having a job (after he was fired). He got up every morning, pretended to go to work, went to f*** around, manipulated their finances and investments to further his lie and avoid telling the truth.

Dating a liar is constantly wondering if what they’re saying is true. Constantly wondering if they are lying straight to your face. Your bf has already done this to you, multiple times, with a straight face. How do you trust a single word out of his mouth going forward?

So do you forgive lies that are told early on in the relationship if that is the case? I lied about a few things to my boyfriend. Incredibly afraid to fess up now. I care about him but I don't trust him. I don't trust most men.

[Anonymous]

I had two long-term boyfriends who were liars in different ways. One was what I would call an "embellisher" -- he would tell small lies to make a story better.

The other was a sociopathic liar (and his psychiatrist actually told me he was a sociopath). He made up long lies that were completely fictional and stuck to them for years.

What did I learn from this? A liar cannot be a reliable partner. Cut them off at the first lie, and you will save yourself a lot of heartache. There are no excuses for lies. At the time I thought "I love him." But, later I realized that a liar by the nature of lying is presenting an artfully manipulated picture of themselves, and the person I "loved" did not really exist. Any feelings I had were nurtured by the closeness of sex not the real love that comes from a mutual partnership of honesty and support.

And, believed surely they would learn a lesson from being caught in a lie and forgiven. No. That is not how a liar works.

I myself am very honest and not afraid of telling the truth - perhaps because I am not afraid of being without a man or a friend. Living with someone who lies frequently is disorienting and unsafe. Get out ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found out my boyfriend lied to me about his finances when we first started dating. He made it appear that he was more financially secure than he actually is. I was 100% honest about my finances. He told me he was intimated by how financially well I was doing and didn’t want to lose our relationship so he lied. I’m very upset he lied and I’m questioning if I should forgive or if it’s a deal breaker.

You would not have gone out with him if he shared his finances with you. So break up with him and find someone who meets your wealth expectations.

Can I ask did he pay for all the dates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the type of guy what will pretend he still has a job when gets laid off.

Good point. Op, you should find the thread about the wife whose husband lied to her face for over a year about having a job (after he was fired). He got up every morning, pretended to go to work, went to f*** around, manipulated their finances and investments to further his lie and avoid telling the truth.

Dating a liar is constantly wondering if what they’re saying is true. Constantly wondering if they are lying straight to your face. Your bf has already done this to you, multiple times, with a straight face. How do you trust a single word out of his mouth going forward?

So do you forgive lies that are told early on in the relationship if that is the case? I lied about a few things to my boyfriend. Incredibly afraid to fess up now. I care about him but I don't trust him. I don't trust most men.

Maybe you should not be dating men? It seems unfair to the man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the type of guy what will pretend he still has a job when gets laid off.

Good point. Op, you should find the thread about the wife whose husband lied to her face for over a year about having a job (after he was fired). He got up every morning, pretended to go to work, went to f*** around, manipulated their finances and investments to further his lie and avoid telling the truth.

Dating a liar is constantly wondering if what they’re saying is true. Constantly wondering if they are lying straight to your face. Your bf has already done this to you, multiple times, with a straight face. How do you trust a single word out of his mouth going forward?

So do you forgive lies that are told early on in the relationship if that is the case? I lied about a few things to my boyfriend. Incredibly afraid to fess up now. I care about him but I don't trust him. I don't trust most men.

If you don’t trust someone enough to tell them the truth, why the F would you date or sleep with them? Get some self esteem.

[Anonymous]

break up. nobody wants to be with a liar.

[Anonymous]

It's funny. When I read OP's post, I thought, no she should stay with him because he can explain why he lied. But then I thought, what if my DH had done that? I would have freaked out and ghosted or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the type of guy what will pretend he still has a job when gets laid off.

Good point. Op, you should find the thread about the wife whose husband lied to her face for over a year about having a job (after he was fired). He got up every morning, pretended to go to work, went to f*** around, manipulated their finances and investments to further his lie and avoid telling the truth.

Dating a liar is constantly wondering if what they’re saying is true. Constantly wondering if they are lying straight to your face. Your bf has already done this to you, multiple times, with a straight face. How do you trust a single word out of his mouth going forward?

So do you forgive lies that are told early on in the relationship if that is the case? I lied about a few things to my boyfriend. Incredibly afraid to fess up now. I care about him but I don't trust him. I don't trust most men.

If you don’t trust someone enough to tell them the truth, why the F would you date or sleep with them? Get some self esteem.

Because people like the ones on here are judgy and act like their shit don't stink. Every male in my life so far has been a liar that includes my father ex boyfriend etc.