Should children attend grandparents funerals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes but if they don't want to go, don't force them. I was made to go to my grandmother's wake and I had to kneel and say a prayer over her body. I was so distressed by that that I refused to go to her funeral. If they've never been, explain what will happen and give them a chance to pass on it.

Something similar happened to me at age 9 with attending a great aunt's funeral. I had my first panic attack after kneeling to pray next to the body, had to go outside hyperventilating, etc. Was just too much for me to deal with at that age. Granted - I was an anxious child so my parents probably should have known that it wouldn't go well. I think I would have done fine at a funeral assuming its closed casket.

I would definitely ask/prepare your kids about attending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask the children. I was about 7 when my grandmother died. I was asked if I wanted to go and said no. It felt good to have the power to make this decision, even though it felt strange to be the only one who didn’t go.

I’ve attended funerals as an adult since then and there are a couple of images in my head I wish I didn’t have, but at the same time it is part of life.

Just let them make the decision.

I vote let them decide. Personally, I dislike funerals. I don’t find them to provide any peace or closure- rather they are sad and awkward. And open casket, no way. Seeing someone I knew and cared for lifeless with face paint on in a box is not closure for me

I don’t think anyone likes funerals, PP. they are not meant to be something you “like”; that’s really not the point.

Ok. I don’t find them comforting or necessary for grieving. Better?

I don’t think most people find funerals “comforting” either. It’s a time to grieve with others who also knew the deceased. It’s a time to celebrate the life of the deceased. Grief often isn’t comfortable so I wouldn’t really expect a funeral to be comforting.

Now if you don’t find funerals necessary for your grieving process/prefer to grieve privately or whatever that’s different.

I just take issue with those who propose skipping funerals bc you don’t like them or they make you uncomfortable. Death is part of life and we all must deal with it at some point, whether we feel comfortable or not.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but don't force them to look in the casket if it's open. That's what traumatized me as a kid.

When I think of this relative, that's the first image that pops into my head even 20 years later. I hate that for me.

[Anonymous]

Definitely yes to grandparent funerals. We took the kids to three grandparents' funerals, in all cases, requiring out-of-town travel. DH parents when they were in preschool-elementary school. My dad when they were in high school.

But, also agree on not forcing the open-casket viewing. DH has scary memories of being forced to kiss his dead grandmother at her funeral when he was in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Definitely to the funeral.

I would most likely bring them to the viewing too and just not force them to go directly up to the casket if you can't prepare them for it or think they won't be okay with it.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s important to remember our job as parents isn’t to keep our kids from dealing with distress, but to help them experience it and move through it

[Anonymous]

15 & 11 year olds, yes, no question.

7 year old, I would. But if s/he's a sensitive kid or shows resistance, I wouldn't push too hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s important to remember our job as parents isn’t to keep our kids from dealing with distress, but to help them experience it and move through it

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course.