Should children attend grandparents funerals?

[Anonymous]

My father is on hospice and expected to pass quite shortly. My children did not see him frail and I’m truly unsure of whether it causes distress to see him in this state (they are 15, 11, and 7).

I was taken to funerals as a child, I have an older family and never attended a wedding before my own. I’d been to dozens of funerals though.

Should children attend funerals?

[Anonymous]

Of course. It's their grief process, too. It would be selfish and cruel to keep them away.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

Yes, how is this even a question?

[Anonymous]

Yes. It might be sad but that is ok. Really it is. The older people who have lost a contemporary will find joy in the children. The children will learn in a low stakes way the circle of life. If they have cousins, they will bond.

[Anonymous]

Yes - assuming it’s local and easy for them to attend. I wouldn’t pull them out of school for multiple days and fly them across the country for one.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely, yes.

[Anonymous]

Offering my condolences and my apologies for replying too directly to your question during your time of grief. I am sure other repliers agree.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry you are going through this tough time with your family. I think they should go. Parts of it will be hard of course but they will also likely see moments of laughter & joy while the whole family is together. People reminisce and they may learn inspiring things about parts of your father's life that they never knew about. And for my kids I always felt that I certainly didn't want their first funeral to be their mom or dad so don't shield them from this opportunity because with any luck they won't have another one to attend for a very long time.

[Anonymous]

Those ages yes. My 1 year old didn’t attend his grandfathers funeral.

[Anonymous]

I would take mine at any age, but especially if they were the age of your kids. It’s not just about grieving process, but also i see it as they need to pay their respects to their grandparent’s life.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. I went to all five of my grandparents funerals (4 grand, one great-grand). I have never regretted it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, at any age.

[Anonymous]

Hard question. I think you have two.

One is about seeing him near death. I don’t think that is mandatory. But if the teen/tween wish to, prepare them.

The other is about going to the funeral. Absent other factors, final exams, for instance, the older two, for sure. The youngest would probably not want to be left out.

But give them choices: such as not viewing an open casket. And let them know what is expected…do they want to speak? Do they want to write something for someone else to read? Do they have stuff to wear?

I did not get to go to any grandparent’s funeral…and I resented being basically prevented from doing so when I was actually an adult…not your question, but may be worth a brief ponder at this difficult time.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely.