Should children attend grandparents funerals?

[Anonymous]

Open casket is so strange to me. I 100% would go, but personally I don’t look into the casket and I’d let my kids decide if they want to do that.

[Anonymous]

Yes but if they don't want to go, don't force them. I was made to go to my grandmother's wake and I had to kneel and say a prayer over her body. I was so distressed by that that I refused to go to her funeral. If they've never been, explain what will happen and give them a chance to pass on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Open casket is so strange to me. I 100% would go, but personally I don’t look into the casket and I’d let my kids decide if they want to do that.

My condolences on your impending loss, OP.

My older cousin died in a car accident when I was in 9th grade and her funeral was open casket. My mom tried to prepare me for it but it was very traumatic for me. I have attended a very few other open casket viewings and funerals since then and I have stayed in the back or in the reception area and not seen the body. I agree fully with letting that be up to your kids.

Is there a way for your kids to see your father before he passes? That may help make things easier at the funeral. Or maybe instead of the funeral?

I was able to visit with one of my grandmothers a couple of months before she died, and didn’t attend her funeral. I knew it would be the last visit, so I said my goodbyes then, and my dad was okay with me not traveling for the funeral (his mom).

[Anonymous]

I was 7 when my grandfather died - he had been in the hospital and I knew he was sick. I ended up not going to his funeral and I am still sad about it. I think taking them all is better. funerals are supposed to be sad because death is sad. I am sorry you are going through this. Grief is tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PPs! Op here.

I do have another question. I have several friends and DH who are not comfortable as adults with open casket viewing. I don’t want to attribute it to going to numerous funerals, but does that help adults adjust to seeing deceased people?

This would be open casket and since the children last saw him he went from stocky about 220lbs to barely 85-90lbs.

I'm jewish, and my people don't do open casket. However I went to the funeral for someone catholic and it was open casket. I just didn't go up near there, so didn't see the dead body. I was not the only one. It's the RITUAL of a funeral, however it's done, that brings closure to the loved ones of the deceased. It doesn't matter exactly what the rituals are. Everyone should get to decide for themselves if they want to see a dead body.

[Anonymous]

Dead bodies at open caskets are nothing like their living counterparts, I find. They're much smaller. The faces are slightly different. It has to do with the dehydration and the process/fluids they use.

My kids were not traumatized, neither was I. But do I approve of open caskets? Not really. I don't think it serves any purpose.

We've been to Japanese funerals, where the bones of the deceased are passed around ritually with ceremonial chopsticks, after partial cremation. That's way less weird than seeing a embalmed face, I have to say!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes - assuming it’s local and easy for them to attend. I wouldn’t pull them out of school for multiple days and fly them across the country for one.

This^.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask the children. I was about 7 when my grandmother died. I was asked if I wanted to go and said no. It felt good to have the power to make this decision, even though it felt strange to be the only one who didn’t go.

I’ve attended funerals as an adult since then and there are a couple of images in my head I wish I didn’t have, but at the same time it is part of life.

Just let them make the decision.

I vote let them decide. Personally, I dislike funerals. I don’t find them to provide any peace or closure- rather they are sad and awkward. And open casket, no way. Seeing someone I knew and cared for lifeless with face paint on in a box is not closure for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask the children. I was about 7 when my grandmother died. I was asked if I wanted to go and said no. It felt good to have the power to make this decision, even though it felt strange to be the only one who didn’t go.

I’ve attended funerals as an adult since then and there are a couple of images in my head I wish I didn’t have, but at the same time it is part of life.

Just let them make the decision.

I vote let them decide. Personally, I dislike funerals. I don’t find them to provide any peace or closure- rather they are sad and awkward. And open casket, no way. Seeing someone I knew and cared for lifeless with face paint on in a box is not closure for me

I don't find funerals awkward at all. Maybe because I've been to so many? Can you explain what you find awkward about them?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely yes, at any age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely yes, at any age.

That's how it is in my family too. Everyone goes. At the last funeral, there was a 2 yr old running around and we all thought about him cracking his head open on a headstone. His 16 yr old cousin got his attention and got him sitting down playing with rocks and sticks. An older relative with Parkinsons came, and some other relative had tossed a folding chair in their trunk, and whipped it out so the older relative could sit through the ceremony at the gravesite. We all show up for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PPs! Op here.

I do have another question. I have several friends and DH who are not comfortable as adults with open casket viewing. I don’t want to attribute it to going to numerous funerals, but does that help adults adjust to seeing deceased people?

This would be open casket and since the children last saw him he went from stocky about 220lbs to barely 85-90lbs.

I'm jewish, and my people don't do open casket. However I went to the funeral for someone catholic and it was open casket. I just didn't go up near there, so didn't see the dead body. I was not the only one. It's the RITUAL of a funeral, however it's done, that brings closure to the loved ones of the deceased. It doesn't matter exactly what the rituals are. Everyone should get to decide for themselves if they want to see a dead body.

Agree with all of this. It's about the ritual, so everyone should be able to go.

I'm a NE WASP and my people don't do open casket either. I do find it vulgar and kind of disturbing, so if I attend one where that's present I stay far away. Many do the same.

[Anonymous]

Yes, they should attend, but prepare them. Open casket wake? They can go up to the casket and say a prayer or look from across the room-whatever they are comfortable with. It’s a sad time, but also a good time to be with family. It’s the ritual that is comforting. I am sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

MIL passed when the kids were 6 and 8. They attended the funeral (8 year old did a reading), and the wake/ open casket the day before. 6 year old wanted to see, 8 year old didn't. We let 6 year old see, 8 year old stayed near the back with cousins.

Don't make a big deal about death, it's part of the circle of life, let each kid do what they want/need

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely yes, at any age.

+1. I'm so sorry for your loss and grief, OP.

Take them all, death is part of life. Don't force them to go up to the casket however, let each person make that choice. My parents are still alive but at all of my grandparents' funerals and so far at the deaths of my in-laws every child and grandchild was there from infant through adult. It's okay for kids to see and feel the grief, and in my experience usually at the receptions or whatever after the funeral, the young kids bring joy and even if they don't realize it have a part in helping the family process the sadness.

In our family we always say at this point that weddings and funerals are the only time that the extended family is guaranteed to come together. Give that gift to your kids.

Again, my condolences.