interesting post in fbook group that caused a fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's easy for you to take your stance. But wait until you see your grandchild. If you have a heart, you will soften.

Hell no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Helping in this situation wouldn’t be helping or just being a grandparent. It would be starting over as a primary parent all over again.

The opposite of cutting off (monetarily, emotionally) is NOT assuming the role as the main parent. Good lord.

Have you met a teen parent before? Because it actually does mean assuming the main role. Maybe not 100% with changing diapers but certainly 100% with buying them.

Diapers aren't even that expensive, calm down. And buying diapers doesn't make you a parent.

Taking care of an infant forces people to grow up. It can operate like boot camp on an 18 year old. If they give up and bail, they learn nothing. But if they persevere through the tough stuff and figure it out, they will understand a hell of a lot more about themselves, work, and the meaning of true service to a cause than your average 19 or 20 year old.

Utter BS
No child deserves to live through this stupidity

[Anonymous]

I am with you OP

Birth control exists for a reason

If my child is this stupid I’m not helping

[Anonymous]

My contribution would be to make a list of all the resources they have through the state for their child and themselves-with phone numbers etc…

And I would tell them they could call me in an actual emergency. And an emergency is not your friend is having a party and you would like to go.

[Anonymous]

The scenario you present reads that the girlfriend essentially ‘trapped’ the boyfriend (assuming he didn’t know she removed the IUD). FWIW, I harp to DS that it is not only a girls responsibility and even if he thinks she is on BC to where a condom (for disease prevention and back up BC). I reminded him that he needs to consider if he wants to be in a relationship for the next 26 years otherwise.

But, GF was on BC in a seemingly committed relationship and (apparently) wanted this outcome. I would support DS in his decision, I would support grandchild. But, I would have a difficult time supporting the GF.

There is a time and place for everything, but 18 is not the optimal time to start a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am with you OP

Birth control exists for a reason

If my child is this stupid I’m not helping

Then youll come bit$$ that your mean DIL wont let you see your grandbaby. We see you.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand this condemnation. They didn’t go on a killing spree. I would do everything to support my child and their partner in this situation.

I think I may have mentioned my cousin here before. She was pregnant at 15 and got married. Her first sweet child died at three from a congenital condition. She had several more children and a great marriage and family. There was not a more devoted mother in the world. Her husband started a business and made a good life for them. Family support was happily given, and I’m sure the story would not have been the same without it.

[Anonymous]

There is an innocent life at stake. All support should be given to this life.

I really think the few people who wouldn't help out must not be normal, and surely have no sense of innate decency or humanity.

Shame on you, OP.

[Anonymous]

I would never cut off my kids. Especially for something like this. What I would do is pay for day care so they can work/go to school. This is something I have though about a lot because I have 3 teen/YA boys and I live in Texas.

[Anonymous]

I feel for your spouse, discovering (or rediscovering) what a cold unfeeling jerk you are. Maybe once all the kids are out of the house, they'll divorce you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand this condemnation. They didn’t go on a killing spree. I would do everything to support my child and their partner in this situation.

I think I may have mentioned my cousin here before. She was pregnant at 15 and got married. Her first sweet child died at three from a congenital condition. She had several more children and a great marriage and family. There was not a more devoted mother in the world. Her husband started a business and made a good life for them. Family support was happily given, and I’m sure the story would not have been the same without it.

These stories of a few random people where it turned out ok are not the norm. At the very least the relationship between the parents will end and the child will be shipped back and forth. Yes, it happens when people are older and get divorced too but typically at least one of those parents has a degree and the ability to provide for a family. I don’t know any 18-19 year olds who already have a college degree-do you?

Also wanting to be a teenage parent ON PURPOSE should really let you know what kind of kids these are. Most teenagers who get pregnant will say it’s an accident, they didn’t know they could get pregnant so easily etc etc…this was a conscious choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand this condemnation. They didn’t go on a killing spree. I would do everything to support my child and their partner in this situation.

I think I may have mentioned my cousin here before. She was pregnant at 15 and got married. Her first sweet child died at three from a congenital condition. She had several more children and a great marriage and family. There was not a more devoted mother in the world. Her husband started a business and made a good life for them. Family support was happily given, and I’m sure the story would not have been the same without it.

These stories of a few random people where it turned out ok are not the norm. At the very least the relationship between the parents will end and the child will be shipped back and forth. Yes, it happens when people are older and get divorced too but typically at least one of those parents has a degree and the ability to provide for a family. I don’t know any 18-19 year olds who already have a college degree-do you?

Also wanting to be a teenage parent ON PURPOSE should really let you know what kind of kids these are. Most teenagers who get pregnant will say it’s an accident, they didn’t know they could get pregnant so easily etc etc…this was a conscious choice.

It honestly depends on the SES of the parents and families IME. The teen parents I knew (my peers and my sisters' peers) who had family support systems - time, money, willingness - have turned out fine as have their kids who now around the ages of my kids or a little older. Our teen parent peers went to college and their kids are even - gasp - going to college or even graduated by now. And the kids have the benefit of super young grandparents.

That said, it is not what I would choose for my kids but it is not the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never cut off my kids. Especially for something like this. What I would do is pay for day care so they can work/go to school. This is something I have though about a lot because I have 3 teen/YA boys and I live in Texas.

OP here. I wouldn’t “cut them off” I would simply not help financially at all. I would still have them over for dinner from time to time and would spend a normal grandparent amount of time with the baby. But I will not be used the way some of these commenters seem to have no problem with. I love being a mom-but I also have an identity, interests etc…outside of being a mom and I am not starting over when I’m just reaching a time in my life to actually have some time for me. This was a choice. Choices come with certain things. And this choice comes with struggle and learning what being a parent without any financial means is like. I’m not the one who made the choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never cut off my kids. Especially for something like this. What I would do is pay for day care so they can work/go to school. This is something I have though about a lot because I have 3 teen/YA boys and I live in Texas.

OP here. I wouldn’t “cut them off” I would simply not help financially at all. I would still have them over for dinner from time to time and would spend a normal grandparent amount of time with the baby. But I will not be used the way some of these commenters seem to have no problem with. I love being a mom-but I also have an identity, interests etc…outside of being a mom and I am not starting over when I’m just reaching a time in my life to actually have some time for me. This was a choice. Choices come with certain things. And this choice comes with struggle and learning what being a parent without any financial means is like. I’m not the one who made the choice.

Also to add I am happy to pay for college and help with professional school as well. And living expenses through that time. I just wouldn’t support a choice like the one posted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never cut off my kids. Especially for something like this. What I would do is pay for day care so they can work/go to school. This is something I have though about a lot because I have 3 teen/YA boys and I live in Texas.

OP here. I wouldn’t “cut them off” I would simply not help financially at all. I would still have them over for dinner from time to time and would spend a normal grandparent amount of time with the baby. But I will not be used the way some of these commenters seem to have no problem with. I love being a mom-but I also have an identity, interests etc…outside of being a mom and I am not starting over when I’m just reaching a time in my life to actually have some time for me. This was a choice. Choices come with certain things. And this choice comes with struggle and learning what being a parent without any financial means is like. I’m not the one who made the choice.

That's extremely short-sighted of you and rather selfish. My goal is to build generational wealth, and in doing so, I do not consider my own comfort as being the topmost priority. Instead, the priority is that everyone contributes in some way, with smart choices, hard work and delayed gratification, to the creation of wealth that will span generations. If we have setbacks along the way, ones that are not in our control (one of my kids has a chronic autoimmune disease and the other has ADHD/ASD), or ones that turn out to be strategic mistakes (having a baby too early in life), then we all need to rally around and make the wisest decision in view of the generational wealth goal.

In the case you broached, OP, that means paying for daycare so the young adults can attend college, if only community college to start with (with the hope they transfer to a state college to receive at least a Bachelor's degree). Or find other means to care for this baby so that the parents can find full-time work. Letting them struggle financially without family money means significantly reducing their chances that your family will have middle or upper class descendants. Maybe you don't care about that, because you have a scorched earth policy after you die. OK.

If you care at all about having a relationship with your children, I would also think hard about withholding financial support. It's not right to have well-off parents throwing off their children just because they had a baby too young: and make no mistake, "having them over for dinner" is the worse kind of insult you could implement. It's the cruel "I didn't really abandon you, here's spaghetti, but you can sleep in your car tonight like all the other nights". My wealthy grandparents abandoned one of my aunts when she had a child out of wedlock. She could not support herself and was dependent on government aid her entire life until she died of Covid. My mother bought her clothes and food. Her son, my cousin, is 55 and barely makes ends meet.